To not want to drive 600 miles with a screaming baby

[groundhoglet]

I could really use some perspective on this one. I am a FTM to a 6-month-old baby who is on the whole extremely happy, except when in a car seat. Then she screams and screams until she is sick, and eventually passes out with exhaustion. As you can imagine I do my best to keep her happy and entertained next to her in the back but it's impossible, she just hates it and after about 20 minutes starts with the screaming.

My husband is from the US and we've moved here for 4 months while I'm on maternity leave to take care of his dying mother. I want to support him in this very upsetting time, although I'm also feeling isolated as I don't know anyone and we're back in lockdown because the virus is totally out of control here.

He has a father and stepmother who live in a remote place, a 6 hour drive to the north. We had thought they would be ok to come down to see their granddaughter especially when we explained how a 12 hour round trip would be torture for the baby and for us.

The problem is they suffer from anxiety and are terrified of the virus. They are very upset that we don't want to come to them, saying we might be uncomfortable in the car but they might die. I don't think they understand how awful even quite a short journey in the car is with the baby. They have never met her yet because of the pandemic. They could drive down with maybe one bathroom stop, I'm sure that could be done safely, and we would self-isolate (we are anyway for my partner's mother) before seeing them.

AIBU to feel really resentful about potentially having to do this drive? Do I have to say yes? Otherwise my daughter won't get to see her dad's parents and who knows when the virus will go away and she'll be able to meet them. I feel torn, I'm trying my best to be supportive but I'm reaching my limit. Doesn't help that baby is teething and not sleeping a whole lot at the moment.

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

[piakai2013]

Just no! I hated it and would never ever have gone on a 6 hour drive with my screaming baby. Poor baby, poor you!

[Winniefred]

Uhm .... so you are there to support your dying MIL? Then that's your focus! Running around the country during a pandemic maybe risky for you all but nothing compared to bringing it back to a Woman already compromised! And if you do go up to visit your FIL you have to reduce the time due to quarantine at both ends. If it was me I would be saying Sorry but not this time, we are here to support MIL and having to self quarantine all over the place reduces the support, you are over there to give.

If they are too selfish to understand that, then that's their issue not yours. X Look after your MIL & Baby first. X

[susanechurch]

Couldn't you both meet halfway?