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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son should take ALL his suff?

156 replies

toconclude · 03/08/2020 13:27

DS(31) at last in position to buy his own house - been renting nearly 10 years. Aibu to ask him to collect all the remaining books/other bits and bobs amounting to a half dozen large storage boxes which currently occupy his old room and some other corners of the house since he moved out to live a considerable way away? He is reluctant as his DP has stuff too and he's right that technically we have space. Honestly, I would like to clear it. But us getting rid of it altogether obviously a nono without his agreement and it has sentimental value to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
toconclude · 03/08/2020 13:28

Stuff, obviously Confused

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 03/08/2020 13:29

You are right. He can store it or get rid of it!

Polnm · 03/08/2020 13:29

Mine have both moved out in the last couple of months. Gave them a date to clear stuff by (we had hired a van each time as well)

£435 at the car boot sale on Tuesday. Job done

Chamomileteaplease · 03/08/2020 13:30

My view would be that it is your decision, not his, as it is your house.

For whatever ever reason, you want it all gone and at the age of 31 I really don't think he has a leg to stand on! He will have to make room.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 03/08/2020 13:31

His options are - collect it and keep it himself or you get rid of it. You can’t be keeping his stuff forever!

Polnm · 03/08/2020 13:31

We have also redecorated the 5 rooms they occupied and repurposed one to a very cool second office.

They were a bit surprised when they popped round for supper. They knew they were moving out for months and had plenty of time to go through their stuff.

LouiseTrees · 03/08/2020 13:32

Tell him you have a plan for that room and now don’t have space.

BadDucks · 03/08/2020 13:33

Just because you have space doesn't mean you are obliged to store other people's tat! Tell him to collect as you have plans for your space. Part of being a grown up is looking after your own stuff.

Tigger03 · 03/08/2020 13:33

Does he actually want the stuff? Might be worth picking a day for him to come round and go through it to keep only the really important stuff. Then perhaps he takes some and given you have space and it’s sentimental, you could offer to keep a couple of boxes.

Dozer · 03/08/2020 13:33

Yeah, at age 31 not at all U to ask him to remove it from your place by X date. He can use it, dispose of it or store it himself.

Especially since it’s in rooms in your house, not out of the way storage spaces (eg a loft or garage)

SantaClaritaDiet · 03/08/2020 13:34

If he has space now, then yes you are not BU.

What's the point of having books and stuff like that stored away anyway? It sounds like mainly clutter. He needs to sort it out.

Things that are valuable and really sentimental he could take. I would probably store them in my loft, but only if there's a good reason to keep them. I wouldn't keep storage box in a bedroom, no need for that.

Dozer · 03/08/2020 13:35

And even ‘technically’ you don’t really ‘have space’, if it’s in rooms and not a storage space, so you can’t use the space it’s taking up in ways you would prefer.

majesticallyawkward · 03/08/2020 13:37

YANBU, he either wants it and takes it or you get rid of it.

If it's been left at your house for that long and he hasn't needed or wanted it then it's not that important 🤷🏼‍♀️

MaverickDanger · 03/08/2020 13:37

My mum shipped a load of stuff to me when I bought a house - annoyingly a lot of it was stuff she had kept from when I was a baby, so I had no attachment/wasn’t sentimental, but she was!

I didn’t see the point of keeping it but she was adamant I couldn’t throw it away, but didn’t want to keep it herself. It’s just in the loft now.

Stuff that I wanted to keep though, quite rightly I have now got in my own house.

DorisDances · 03/08/2020 13:38

As he has just bought his first house it might not have loads of storage - could you perhaps say therefore you are happy to store two boxes in the loft. He therefore has to clear or move some stuff but sentimental items such as his old Teddy could be tucked away a bit longer?

Tappering · 03/08/2020 13:38

YANBU. He doesn't live there anymore. He needs to take it or bin it!

anon5000 · 03/08/2020 13:40

I'd store it for a while to give him time to sort his house out. I certainly wouldn't bin it or sell it at a car boot.

Dozer · 03/08/2020 13:42

MaverickDanger you could dispose of your stuff any time you like! And ignore your mum’s wishes.

labyrinthloafer · 03/08/2020 13:44

Absolutely weird for him to think it should stay at yours once he has his own home!

You can't throw it away but you can just take it to his new home.

Longtalljosie · 03/08/2020 13:44

Please give him time for him and his DP to get their house sorted first. My PILs elected to dump boxes and boxes of shit in our house both times we were clearing to make room for both new babies. It was awful. Just as I thought DD1’s new room was finally ready to be decorated so she could move out of the nursery in good time before DD2 arrived, I’d get home from work to another eight boxes of university notes with no room in the loft. It was so unnecessary and made our life change all about them. Don’t do that.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 03/08/2020 13:45

You need to stand firm on this now, or he will never take it.

I agree, now he has his own house, he shouldn’t need to store anything at your place. If he and his partner need storage, they can rent a storage unit.

If you are generous, you could have a box or two in your garage, on the understanding if they get wet or bug-infested it’s not your fault, but you should be able to reclaim your house and rooms now he owns a house

canigooutyet · 03/08/2020 13:46

One of mine has some things still here. She had to pack it all up and find somewhere to store it here that isn’t in my way.

Between the older three they have left bigger things that cannot be packed away and are used in the spare room. The extra tv, bed base, mirror etc. They didn’t want to move them so I told them until they do, things left out will be used

When the time comes and it all needs to go, they will be given a deadline and if they don’t take it, everything is mine for me to dispose of. As long as I have space and it’s not impacting me I’m not bothered.

Wouldn’t have boxes in corners around the house. One week notice to move or loose it.

canigooutyet · 03/08/2020 13:49

@Longtalljosie

Please give him time for him and his DP to get their house sorted first. My PILs elected to dump boxes and boxes of shit in our house both times we were clearing to make room for both new babies. It was awful. Just as I thought DD1’s new room was finally ready to be decorated so she could move out of the nursery in good time before DD2 arrived, I’d get home from work to another eight boxes of university notes with no room in the loft. It was so unnecessary and made our life change all about them. Don’t do that.
Maybe if your partner went round and sorted all these boxes and boxes of shit this wouldn’t have happened.
Brefugee · 03/08/2020 13:49

blimey - he left home 10 years ago? tell him to come and get it by the end of the month or you're dumping it in his garden

BluebellsGreenbells · 03/08/2020 13:51

I’d pack it up in the car and go and visit his new home.

Call it a house warming present!