To think my son should take ALL his suff?

[toconclude]

DS(31) at last in position to buy his own house - been renting nearly 10 years. Aibu to ask him to collect all the remaining books/other bits and bobs amounting to a half dozen large storage boxes which currently occupy his old room and some other corners of the house since he moved out to live a considerable way away? He is reluctant as his DP has stuff too and he's right that technically we have space. Honestly, I would like to clear it. But us getting rid of it altogether obviously a nono without his agreement and it has sentimental value to him.

[1moremum]

Yes you have room. But there still needs to be a date after which he stuffs it in his house anyway, it is his stuff. Of course his partner has stuff too. Everyone does. That is an irrelevent fact. If they dont have room for all their stuff together, they need to sort that out. At their house.

It is amazing how much less sentimental people are about their multiple boxes of stuff when forced to move it and store it themselves. .

[Endlessmizzle]

My dad arrived in a different country with all my crap! Tbh although I had bought a tiny city flat and he had a huge house he lived in on his own, I thought eventually it was a good move in terms of Growing Up. It was a real psychological tie being snapped and although I am quite a sentimental thing I am now really grateful. And also grateful that I don’t have anything there now to deal with!

[toconclude]

@LouiseTrees

Tell him you have a plan for that room and now don’t have space.

I don't, though. It's just semi empty.

[UnfinishedSymphon]

Yes but he doesn't know that does he!!

[SteelyPanther]

Take it round and drop it off, then there’s no excuse.

[comingintomyown]

My DS is moving out soon and I’m expecting a few bits to stay in the loft which I don’t mind as it doesn’t affect me , wouldn’t have anything in rooms though so if you don’t have a loft Fair enough he needs to take it

[canigooutyet]

I’d be having a chat about compromise.
When two people move in together, it’s not one person space to be dominated by. As a couple they should be going through their shit together and getting rid of what they don’t need/want

[Zaphodsotherhead]

You may have space currently, but what if you want to downsize? Is it then your problem to deal with?

I moved recently. My five kids came back for about an afternoon, cherry picked all the things they wanted to keep and then left me to clear out an entire house full of 25 years worth of their junk.

[canigooutyet]

If it’s down to op to deal with rather than deliver it to him, list it all on market place.

He’s saying to you is surplus stuff that he doesn’t want.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Send him an invoice for storage 🤨. I’d feel all hemmed in with stuff everywhere.

[Goingdownto]

I had stuff in my parents home (as did dh) until everyone had died.

[CathyorClaire]

@MaverickDanger

My mum shipped a load of stuff to me when I bought a house - annoyingly a lot of it was stuff she had kept from when I was a baby, so I had no attachment/wasn’t sentimental, but she was!

I didn’t see the point of keeping it but she was adamant I couldn’t throw it away, but didn’t want to keep it herself. It’s just in the loft now.

Stuff that I wanted to keep though, quite rightly I have now got in my own house.

That's outrageous.

If she doesn't want to keep it herself she doesn't get to dictate that you do. I'd (kindly) offer it back to her on the clear understanding that if she still won't give it house room you can't either.

[VettiyaIruken]

You need to tell him he either takes it home or he pays for a storage unit or you bin it.
He doesn't get to decide that your house is his storage.

[bumpyknuckles]

Some of these responses are really harsh! I'm amazed you're all so cavalier with your children's stuff - I wonder if they'll be the same with your stuff when they have to sell your house so you can go into a nursing home?

Definitely give your son a chance to actually buy a house first and get settled in (I'd give him at least 6 months for this). Then it's fair enough to start asking him to sort it and take it away.

[woodhill]

I have this with own dd who still rents. I have boxed her stuff up and periodically she comes over to sort through it.

Other dd has her own house so I give her stuff to go through gradually

[billy1966]

Pack it up and drop it over.

You don't have a plan for the room because it's full of stuff.

When it is completely empty you may indeed find things to do with it.

A woman I know was approached by her neighbour as his colleague was desperate for a monday - thursday room as he had been relocated for a project.

She now has a loose cash arrangement and has two rooms in the house on the go.

It has funded travelling she never dreamed of and the people are so appreciative of a room 5 minutes walk to the office.

Craft room, office, exercise room.

So many options, either way a good clean out is very cathartic.

[GOODCAT]

The day I moved out my mum cleared my room. I came back the next day to get the rest of my stuff and all except the things I had completely packed were gone.

There was only one thing I actually needed which she had got rid of which was a waterproof jacket, but I didn't need the rest. I was a bit surprised as she didn't have immediate plans for the room. Added to which I hadn't actually found somewhere to live and so was camping in a tent and living out of my car, near my new job, about 80 miles away, while I found somewhere to rent. However, she did me a favour by getting rid of a load of childhood tat. I could do with her clearing out my house now!

After ten years you should just let your son know that either he takes it within x time or it is gone. You should have your house back.

[Ohtherewearethen]

@Longtalljosie - I'm curious as to why you think that your PILs should have kept all those boxes of crap at their house for your husband? And how did returning your husband's junk make your daughter changing bedrooms all about them?!

OP, you are absolutely not being unreasonable to expect your son to take all of his belongings with him to his own house. He's not just moving away for uni, he has bought a house and is 31 years old!

[honeygirlz]

I don't, though. It's just semi empty.

Well he doesn't need to know that!

Anyway, I would tell him the truth. You are more likely to find a use for that room if his stuff is not cluttering it up.

I have lots if stuff at my mum's, she had me move it out of my childhood bedroom to her attic. However, I know I don't use most of it so will be clearing it out this summer.

[billy1966]

@Goodcat
Ah now....that is brutal! 24 hours!!

I wouldn't be impressed with that at all.

[toconclude]

@bumpyknuckles

Some of these responses are really harsh! I'm amazed you're all so cavalier with your children's stuff - I wonder if they'll be the same with your stuff when they have to sell your house so you can go into a nursing home?

Definitely give your son a chance to actually buy a house first and get settled in (I'd give him at least 6 months for this). Then it's fair enough to start asking him to sort it and take it away.

Interestingly this has been in my mind since I cleared my late mother's house and did indeed junk a mountain of stuff. But she wasn't there to mind. No way would I junk or sell DS things - they're not mine.

[Sooverthemill]

Ask him to come and get all his stuff by x date and let him know that if he doesn't it will be going to the tip as he now has his own space. With minor exceptions our kids have taken their stuff except for children's books and toys which they went through and we now have a small selection left for when they have their own children. Neither have big flats but when they do have larger accommodations I will want them to take these too

[giantangryrooster]

Huumm, I can see where you are coming from. If my dc are anything to go by, those boxes haven't been opened or sorted for a long time?

I would ask him to come round, sort the stuff and tell him you will only store max. Two boxes of very important stuff.

If he can't be bothered doing this, tell him to get it or its going to get thrown out.

[UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme]

You are right of course, but give him the chance (and enough time) to come and sort through it and dispose of it himself, don't do what my parents did and randomly without warning and without even mentioning to me that the stuff needed moving now ask another extended family member short of a few bob to do this on my behalf for payment - result lots of crap I didn't want kept, most of my more treasured things in landfil. Mother glowing with the feeling she'd done both of us a favour.

[Sooverthemill]

I am really conscious of not leaving tons of stuff for the kids to go through when I die, when my dad died 5 years ago it was a nightmare going through the junk he had accumulated after my mum died 20 years before. 20 years of golfing magazines, hundreds of underpants ( he obviously bought new but didn't throw away the old ones). In the end we paid for a charity to clear it. It was hell I'm not doing that to my children