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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband just told me I'm fat

199 replies

SharyBobbins · 01/08/2020 18:05

Yesterday I (briefly) wore a very tight fitting vest top. I noticed that I had a tummy in it, the kind I might usually get after eating too much but it's definitely a bit of weight gain, not bloat. I asked my husband if I had a tummy in it and he said yes, that it was a "lock down stomach" that he had started to notice over the past few weeks. Tonight after it came up again I asked him to be honest and tell me what he was really thinking as he was skirting around it saying things like "you don't exercise or anything do you". I said to him just tell me what you really think and he literally said "you are getting fat". I said I'd never openly say something so hurtful to him and that it's just my "mum tum". He said it's nothing to do with the fact that I'm a mum. I don't know how to handle this. My confidence is shit any way. The only thing I've ever felt was okay about me is my figure. I'm a size 8-10. He's always commented on how much he likes my size and when I asked if he would still be attracted to me if I put on weight he didn't answer. I'm gutted.

OP posts:
Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 01/08/2020 18:08

You rather pushed him into it to be honest.

Happygirl79 · 01/08/2020 18:08

If I had a husband like that I would be desperate to lose him!

NeutralJanet · 01/08/2020 18:08

He was tactless, but you were the one who brought it up in the first place and it sounds like you wouldn't let it drop.

Happygirl79 · 01/08/2020 18:08

Size 8 to 10 isn't fat

dementedpixie · 01/08/2020 18:09

You pushed him to say it. You've even admitted you've put on weight.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/08/2020 18:09

I do feel your pain, as I’ve also put on a few lockdown pounds (and a few is probably being kind to myself).

But... you asked the question and you already knew the answer. Why did you ask?

GlittercheeksOakleaf · 01/08/2020 18:09

What a dick.

Lose a few stone and get rid of him.

BaronessBomburst · 01/08/2020 18:09

Well you asked him! Repeatedly. He eventually answered. I don't see how you can be cross with him.

PablosHoney · 01/08/2020 18:10

You did ask.

VettiyaIruken · 01/08/2020 18:10

Don't ask for an honest opinion if you don't want it. He tried to dodge it, you should have let it go. It doesn't sound like he was trying to be cruel.

PablosHoney · 01/08/2020 18:10

‘Get rid of him’ are you for real 😂😂

Foodiefoodieyemek · 01/08/2020 18:10

You made him tell you you are fat. Then you were unhappy about it Hmm you can lose it again. İt's not the worst thing in the world and by the sounds of it you aren't big anyway. He didn't answer because what ever his answer is you will disect and make him wrong.

Galaxycat · 01/08/2020 18:11

@SharyBobbins you literally pushed him into it.

Original poster
SharyBobbins · 01/08/2020 18:11

The comments about me pushing him to answer are fair, and I'm sure he would say the same. I think what stings is how tactless he was. Like he could have said "you're still slim but you have put a bit of weight on your tummy"??

OP posts:
PablosHoney · 01/08/2020 18:12

Imagine in real life Q ‘Be honest am I fat’ A’ Yes’ waah I want a divorce, ffs

CushionsandCandles · 01/08/2020 18:12

You did ask and pushed him.
He also said getting fat, not you are fat.

Clearly 8-10 is not fat but it was a clumsy way of telling you he had noticed some weight gain. Which you seem to be aware of anyway.

Would you prefer a lie?

katy1213 · 01/08/2020 18:12

You told him to be honest. And he was.

YouJustDoYou · 01/08/2020 18:12

Op, you literally asked him to be honest, so he was.

PablosHoney · 01/08/2020 18:13

Saying that I’d divorce a grown man for using the word ‘Tummy’ 🤮

NoWordForFluffy · 01/08/2020 18:13

Sounds like he can't win. He tried to dodge the question, which you didn't like, so you then badgered him to give an answer. Which you also didn't like!

MikeUniformMike · 01/08/2020 18:15

I asked my husband if I had a tummy
Why?
I asked him to be honest and tell me what he was really thinking
Why?
I said to him just tell me what you really think and he literally said "you are getting fat".
Would you prefer him to lie? Why did you ask him?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/08/2020 18:16

You were looking for him to him to say something specific that you had in mind. He had no chance in hell, did he 🤷‍♀️

Skyliner001 · 01/08/2020 18:17

'LTB' 😂😂 You asked him, he gave an honest answer.

gamerchick · 01/08/2020 18:18

@SharyBobbins

The comments about me pushing him to answer are fair, and I'm sure he would say the same. I think what stings is how tactless he was. Like he could have said "you're still slim but you have put a bit of weight on your tummy"??
It doesn't work like that.

Most men learn the lessons about the 'does my arse look fat in this' questions. He's learned his.

In reality, don't bloody push for an honest answer if in reality you want him to pluff all over you. It's setting him up to fail

Zoecarter · 01/08/2020 18:20

@SharyBobbins

The comments about me pushing him to answer are fair, and I'm sure he would say the same. I think what stings is how tactless he was. Like he could have said "you're still slim but you have put a bit of weight on your tummy"??

He was being tactful he was saying well you don’t work out and it sounds like you kept pushing him. Tbh I feel sorry for him you sound like hard work my guess Is you know you have gained weight wanted to make him in to the bad guy about it.