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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let our gardener use our toilet!

214 replies

OverTheRainbow88 · 27/07/2020 16:38

Me and my OH has a disagreement about this because of COVID, pre covid this wouldn’t have even been a discussion, he would have been welcome to use our toilet! wondering who is in the wrong!

YABU. Saying no to use our toilet

YANBU saying no to use our toilet

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 27/07/2020 18:39

It would be unreasonable to prevent him using the loo. I had 4 people working here the other day, I made them all cups of coffee and didn’t bleach the cups afterwards, they probably used the loo, I wouldn’t know, I let them get on and shut myself in the lounge because they were doing noisy work.

QueenBlueberries · 27/07/2020 18:42

Here is the conversation.

Gardner:'So sorry I'm desperate for the loo can I use your loo please?'
Me: 'yes sure. Let me just get a hand towel for you, I will leave a can of Detol by the door and a roll of kitchen paper. Do you mind just wiping the loo and taps when you are done? You can never be too careful ahah.'
him/her 'oh yes sure no problem'.
me: 'here's a face mask for you to use'
Him/her: 'yes sure thank you!'

Job done. It's really not that difficult. You can even go back to do a second wipe down with Detol when he's done to make sure the door handles are clean.

MarshaBradyo · 27/07/2020 18:42

That yabu yanbu is funny. Took me a while to get why they were exactly the same

Yabu

If you have to go to the loo you have to go.

MaryShelley1818 · 27/07/2020 18:44

@Palavah

it's perfect English and doesn't need changing.
  • it does if it's not clear enough for the audience to understand, which evidently it is not.

It's ambiguous because the original post says that OP and her husband have disagreed but not which view is hers.

It's completely irrelevant whether the view is hers or her husbands. That does not affect the understanding. Either it's unreasonable to say no or it's not unreasonable to say no, very basic.

There are a great many things that a number of the general public don't understand, I have a very limited knowledge of physics but that doesn't mean it's incorrect just because I don't understand it.

Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 18:46

If it's confusing a large number of people it can hardly be described as "perfect". Not incorrect, fair enough. But not perfect.

RB68 · 27/07/2020 18:47

tell them to wee on the compost

LST · 27/07/2020 18:49

@RB68 and if they didn't need a wee

Isthisfinallyit · 27/07/2020 18:49

I'm vulnerable and still let people use our downstairs toilet. When someones here we use the upstairs one till they've left and I can bleach the hell out of it. (Yes yes, bleach is bad, I find me dying worse).

Cryalot2 · 27/07/2020 18:56

your home your choice.
I always let trades people use the loo.
If we have any business person about especially a female I will always ask if they want to use the bathroom. One lady in particular said she will never forget our kindness at asking that. That was long before covid.
But I still stand by this . Last week we had the plumber and he wanted to use the loo, the only thing I told him was to use the one in the bathroom which he was working in .

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 27/07/2020 19:03

Yes thank you for all your sensible ideas, We will do this in future, it was a split second decision caught off guard.

I have enjoyed gardening throughout lockdown and would actually like to do it myself but have decided that now wouldn’t be the time to stop asking our Gardner as I know he’s lost a fair amount of custom since covid.

OP posts:
EastBoundAndDown · 27/07/2020 19:05

Yabu . The poor bugger, I'm pretty certain he wouldn't have actually wanted to come into your house to use the loo incase he caught covid from you !! So he must have really needed to go .

AnotherBiteMe · 27/07/2020 19:14

I'm shielding and my gardener wouldn't dream of asking to come in, mind you he is only here and hour and lives round the corner.

Grandmi · 27/07/2020 19:15

So what would the alternative be for the poor guy?

Justjoshin22 · 27/07/2020 19:15

If someone working on your property needs to use the bathroom, they should be allowed to use it. What’s the alternative? It just needs a clean afterwards. Not a big deal

MadameMeursault · 27/07/2020 19:22

YABU and possibly a snob.

Newjez · 27/07/2020 19:30

I wee in the garden. Can't be bothered taking muddy boots off. Plus I've heard it scars cats away.

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 27/07/2020 19:32

A snob; on what grounds?

OP posts:
Jeremyironsnothing · 27/07/2020 19:35

How on earth can they mean the same? The options are obviously different.

YABU though. You can clean before and after.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/07/2020 19:38

I think its unreasonable not to let someone working in your home use the toilet.
Although peeing on compost is supposed to improve it Grin

Toastyapples · 27/07/2020 19:50

There are very few public toilets available to people to use at the moment so where was the poor guy suppose to go? I work in the community and I really dislike having to ask people to use their loos (pre Covid, I've been on maternity leave throughout the pandemic so far so it had nothing to do with the virus, I just dislike using other people's loos if I could avoid it in general) but occasionally, I simply couldn't hold it in and would ask a client if I could use their loo knowing that I wasn't going to be near another for a while and I would be utterly mortified if someone said no to me. Thankfully no one ever did. The fact that he hasn't asked to use your loo more than a handful of times in 8 years should actually tell you that he probably doesn't ask unless he's desperate under normal circumstances either so I think you were unreasonable and actually very unkind to say no.

BackforGood · 27/07/2020 20:37

Pre COVID, people who work in different places throughout the day would generally know where there were toilets they could use outside of people's homes when they worked in MNers homes rather than normal people's homes.
Now, there are far fewer places you can go to between sites, so it makes it EVEN MORE unreasonable not to let a poor person who needs to use a toilet, use it.

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 27/07/2020 20:38

Unreasonable I would agree with, very unkind, I do not think is fair.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 27/07/2020 20:57

I would let someone use the toilet, clean it afterwards and wipe taps and handles with dettol wipes.

jessstan2 · 27/07/2020 21:02

@OverTheRainbow88

A snob; on what grounds?
Where have you been a snob? I've read your posts and see no evidence.

NewJob: Plus I've heard it scars cats away.

:-) if you pee on them it might though a big brave tom would most likely pee back at you!

Toastyapples · 27/07/2020 21:10

The only way you've tried to put yourself in his shoes OP is to say that you can't imagine he actually really needed to use the toilet because you have been on 3 hour walks and not needed to go 🙄... he wouldn't have asked if he didn't need to go..... Can you not imagine actually being desperate to go to the loo and not knowing where the next available toilet might be and being told that you can't use one after you ask? How is this anything but unkind? You don't know his situation, if he has IBS or a bladder condition or anything that could cause him difficulties to hold on. What if you saying no to him caused him to soil or wet himself because he couldn't find another toilet fast enough? I would never dream of risking putting someone in such a degrading situation, pandemic or no pandemic. So I'm sorry but yes, you were very unkind.