To not let our gardener use our toilet!

[OverTheRainbow88]

Me and my OH has a disagreement about this because of COVID, pre covid this wouldn’t have even been a discussion, he would have been welcome to use our toilet! wondering who is in the wrong!

YABU. Saying no to use our toilet

YANBU saying no to use our toilet

YABU

It's not a big deal to open the window, clean the toilet, taps, door handle down after he's used the toilet.

I think it's really unfriendly not to let him just because you need to clean it after.

And I'm virtually shielding. No one has been in my house since mid March, before lockdown & I'd let the postie if he needed it, let alone a garner I was paying to come to my house & who I'd known 8 years.

What was the reason not to?

@Port1aCastis

Where is he supposed to go to the toilet? Pissing on the Petunias may see them off.

You have guts though OP as posting in a non native language with dyslexia cannot be easy so well done for trying

It’s perfectly clear what she meant

YABU for saying no
YANBU for saying no

She’s asking is she or is she not being unreasonable?

I don’t understand why people aren’t getting it

YABU not to let him use your loo. Either clean it after he's used it, or do your own gardening.

I guess we were caught off guard as previously he’s never asked or maybe literally twice in 8 years.

I don’t know what he could do... I went for a 3 hour walk through the woods today with no toilet near and waited until I got home to wee!

I would, and then just give it a clean. If he is taking his shoes off outside (well, just outside the door), not touching anything aside from the loo door handle, flush and then sink taps it will be fine- especially if it's just a quick wee. Ask him to pop the lid down when he flushes as well if that'll make you feel a bit more comfortable.

@JinglingHellsBells

Its very clear to me. Yanbu if you say no, Yabu if you say no.

Clear as mud.

Both options are the same.

1 You are being unreasonable to say no.

2 You being reasonable to say yes.

She's saying the same thing and asking if it's reasonable or unreasonable. Just assbackwards.

She’s asking is she or is she not being unreasonable?I don’t understand why people aren’t getting it

The second one is a double negative so it makes more sense to use YES instead of NOT and NO. Using double negatives is a no-no in grammar terms. It's just confusing.

It's the same as the ubiquitous 'I aint got none.' Meaning 'I have got SOME.' But the speaker means they do have some.

The OPs options are absolutely fine. One is she is being unreasonable to say “no”. The other is she is not being unreasonable to say “no”. This works perfectly. The confusion from those who can’t understand that is totally baffling.

But on the substantive point..,you would be unreasonable not to provide toilet facilities unless you have discussed this with your gardener in advance. You should ask him what he wants to do - carry on gardening for you on the understanding he cannot presently use your toilet. Or stop gardening and the money will cease.

You are not unreasonable not to want someone in your bathroom at the moment (possibly over cautious, but who knows really). The important thing is your gardener knows exactly what his choices are. In advance of coming to your house to work.

Interesting everyone’s assuming I’m the one that said no

Because your OP is 'AIBU to To not let our gardener use our toilet!',. so of course we're going to assume it's you who said no. Get with it OP.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

Thank you for explaining what I meant better than I did 😊

Your dyslexia and English not your first language is not the issue OP. The issue is other people failing to understand your perfectly written question.

I bet your husband is the one who would ask him not to use it!

Typical man's attitude imo, no-one should be expected to pee in a garden. My son (who was only 7 I hasten to add) had a friend who did that in our garden last summer, out of sheer bloody laziness, and the smell hung round for months. No way. The guy is entitled to use your bathroom, just use a bleach spray or something round the flush and door handle.

Tbf this was common MN fodder before covid. Unless you're either married to them or gave birth to them then no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, should use your toilet otherwise they're a dirty cheeky fucker of the highest order who will no doubt bring the plague and fuck knows what else into your home. And don't even start on the "poo particles"...

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

My son (who was only 7 I hasten to add) had a friend who did that in our garden last summer, out of sheer bloody laziness, and the smell hung round for months.
You should alert his mother to seek medical attention. The smell of a normal outdoor wee couldn't possibly linger for months.
If there is a lingering smell it's probably foxes or other wildlife playing in your garden overnight.

Yabu. Where is he supposed to do his business?

We have a gardener’s toilet so don’t have this issue 😂

YABU if you won't let him use the loo, don't have a gardener

Poor guy - he must have been desperate to risk coming into your house not knowing if said toilet had been sanitised before he used it, sure your loo was sparkling but it’s a risk for him too. I would have let him use it then disinfected once he had left, and I hate people using our loo but never say no.

If you pay him to work for you, then allow him to use the loo!

Genuinely- you’re la de da enough to say our gardener but you lack the manners to allow staff to use the loo...

Wow

YABU and I'm not sure following proper employment law if you dont provide someone working for you with adequate toilet facilities (could be wrong)

I'm getting that it is in you OP that is being massively unreasonable and not your husband.

@justanotherneighinparadise

I’m so confused 😬. The options are Saying no to using the toilet or saying no to using the toilet? What am I missing?

no they aren't. The options are Am I being reasonable Am I being unreasonable

to ban him from using the toilet.

@OverTheRainbow88

I guess we were caught off guard as previously he’s never asked or maybe literally twice in 8 years.

I don’t know what he could do... I went for a 3 hour walk through the woods today with no toilet near and waited until I got home to wee!

And? Completely irrelevant. If you need to go, you need to go. As it's so rare for him to ask, he must have been pretty desperate.

I think that those working in or at someone's home should try to avoid needing to use their loo where possible at the moment eg. If your gardener comes to you from his home or travels via his home, then mostly he won't need to ask you and it seems that he has hardly ever asked so I guess he usually avoids it. But there will be times people need cannot avoid needing the loo and I think you take that on when you hire them, you should provide that access. If you are shielding or cannot provide access you should mention this at the time of booking.

For people asking about the risks of going to the loo, obviously there are the usual risks from breathing, touching surfaces. They can be somewhat mitigated by providing a disposable mask and by cleaning afterwards. If you think a visitor will need to use your bathroom, remove any toothbrush, towel etc from near the loo before they arrive. Not everyone has a guest loo, we don't.

But there is also the issue of aerosolized virus particles from flushing...I wish it wasn't seen as awkward to ask people to put the fucking lid down. The virus is present in faeces ( and presumably urine, I don't know), and a study in Wuhan found that aerosolized virus particles were found in Covid patients toilet rooms in (I think 2-3 hours) after use, but not in their bedrooms where they were just breathing. Are these particles infectious...I don't know, it was not known at the time but probably is now if you look into it.

If you wait a few hours before going in those particles will have settled, but may still be infectious on surfaces.

My take on it is....if you have people at your home they may need the loo and you should let them use it, unless you are high risk and have advised them beforehand that there are no facilities. In that situation consider getting a portaloo if you need much assistance as it could be needed. If you aren't high risk just take some precautions before they arrive, have a clean disposable mask for them if you want them to wear it, ask them to put the lid down before flushing, and then clean in due course. If you cannot clean everywhere particles may have settled, then at least clean high touch areas such as handles, taps etc.

Hopefully, the chances of any individual using your loo having Covid are low so this is an abundance of caution, but still reasonable.