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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

240 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:26

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/07/2020 12:28

Should have just ordered a takeaway or said to dh, ok what are you going to cook for them?

gobbynorthernbird · 27/07/2020 12:29

Is there any particular reason that you/DH didn't explain that they'd got the wrong end of the stick and you weren't going to be making dinner for them?

Caravanserai · 27/07/2020 12:29

But your husband is at fault here -- your guests don't just decide to stay for dinner if they've been specifically invited for 2 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon, a time obviously carefully calculated to avoid both lunch and dinner. If you didn't invite them, they don't stay.

Where did your husband form the idea they planned to stay? And why didn't he say 'Some other time -- we've got other plans'?

turnthebiglightoff · 27/07/2020 12:31

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/07/2020 12:31

or said to dh, ok what are you going to cook for them?

Given they're mutual friends and the DH was equally caught out, l think this would have been a bit petty.

They were definitely weird - you don't just assume!

squidpid · 27/07/2020 12:31

I mean I'd have just ordered a takeaway then you wouldn't have had any panic

Emeraldshamrock · 27/07/2020 12:32

If I invited someone for 2pm for a few hours on a Sunday with DC I'd cook or at least do a cold buffet.

Redlocks28 · 27/07/2020 12:32

@gobbynorthernbird

Is there any particular reason that you/DH didn't explain that they'd got the wrong end of the stick and you weren't going to be making dinner for them?
This.

How bizarre. I’m afraid it’s your own faults for not saying anything if your lovely chilled Sunday wasn’t as planned.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 27/07/2020 12:34

Are they someone who has fed you guys in the past? Or someone you need to impress for work etc?

Generally it’s cheeky, but I don’t think you need to hand your modern feminist membership card in because you bailed your husband out.

TimeWastingButFun · 27/07/2020 12:34

2.00 is a safe time to assume not invited for lunch and unless I'd come a long way I wouldn't expect to have dinner either (especially if not invited!) That said, I usually have something available in the fridge to rustle up a meal if people stay longer than I expect.

Caravanserai · 27/07/2020 12:34

If I invited someone for 2pm for a few hours on a Sunday with DC I'd cook or at least do a cold buffet.

But the OP says she baked, and they had afternoon tea while the toddlers played, so she did feed them, but in a way that definitely didn't presume on them staying for dinner. Honestly, I don't think anyone invited for 2 pm on a Sunday could possibly assume they were invited for dinner. Possibly a late lunch, but presumably the OP and her husband were clear that it wasn't a lunch invitation?

BMW6 · 27/07/2020 12:34

Why didn't he clear up the misunderstanding immediately?

Emeraldshamrock · 27/07/2020 12:35

I'd say it was a misunderstanding and bad hosting on your DH's part.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/07/2020 12:36

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this.

It might be for you, but not for most people!

If you're inviting people for dinner or tea, you tell them beforehand so they know not to have a big meal or get something in for later. I

If someone invites YOU at an ambiguous time, like 12noon or 5pm, and you're not sure whether you're getting fed, you subtly test the water. "Do you want us to bring some foodie bits?" or similar .

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:36

But your husband is at fault here

Totally agree he shoulders some of the blame!

Where did your husband form the idea they planned to stay?

When at 3.30/4 the other husband says, I’ve got RISK in the car, we can play it later. Then he go gets it and sets it up on our dining room table. They finished playing the game at 8pm!

OP posts:
Moltenpink · 27/07/2020 12:36

Oh god, we did this to friends on Saturday! We were just having such a good catch up, the time flew and before we knew it, they dished up some food Blush

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:37

@Shoxfordian

Should have just ordered a takeaway or said to dh, ok what are you going to cook for them?
It’s the last weekend of the month. Didn’t really fancy shelling out for a takeaway for 6.
OP posts:
DaphneFanshaw · 27/07/2020 12:38

It’s just a misunderstanding, maybe your friends were sitting there thinking “are we staying for dinner, shit - We should have asked. Do we just go or shall we wait till they say something”

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/07/2020 12:38

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this

Not in my house. It's the same time as any other dinner time.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:38

@gobbynorthernbird

Is there any particular reason that you/DH didn't explain that they'd got the wrong end of the stick and you weren't going to be making dinner for them?
Because that would have been HORRIBLY awkward😂
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:39

@Emeraldshamrock

If I invited someone for 2pm for a few hours on a Sunday with DC I'd cook or at least do a cold buffet.
I made fresh pancakes and baked cookies.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:40

@turnthebiglightoff

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this.
No, no it’s not.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:41

@Dogsaresomucheasier

Are they someone who has fed you guys in the past? Or someone you need to impress for work etc?

Generally it’s cheeky, but I don’t think you need to hand your modern feminist membership card in because you bailed your husband out.

Nope. Never even been to their house.

Nothing work related either.

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/07/2020 12:42

I don't think the DH was being unreasonable not to set them straight. It would be massively awkward to say, um , actually, can you fuck off now?

See, for example, here and here.

MadameButterface · 27/07/2020 12:43

When the other bloke mentioned the very long board game, then was the tine for your dh to have said ‘oh sorry but we won’t have time to finish before we need to cook [toddler]’s tea’ and do a confused face