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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

240 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:26

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 27/07/2020 12:43

I'll bet you anything your DH told them they could stay for dinner.

avocadotofu · 27/07/2020 12:43

If I get invited someone's house I don't assume I've been invited to dinner unless they mentioned it!!

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:44

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I don't think the DH was being unreasonable not to set them straight. It would be massively awkward to say, um , actually, can you fuck off now?

See, for example, here and here.

Exactly!
OP posts:
Jojo19834 · 27/07/2020 12:44

I agree, 2pm is normally after lunch and leave before dinner, unless there is a reason for the length of the visit

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:44

@madcatladyforever

I'll bet you anything your DH told them they could stay for dinner.
He really didn’t.
OP posts:
iklboo · 27/07/2020 12:45

When we go to anyone's house one of the first things we agree when arranging it is the food situation. Kind of 'shall we come after lunch / tea, shall be bring something, shall we split a takeaway'. Saves a lot of angst.

MouthBreathingRage · 27/07/2020 12:46

God aome of the answers here are so Mumsnet. 'But why didn't you have a buffet ready for guests? Bit of bread, pickle, hog roast, it's expected on a Sunday of course!'.

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth - they were rude and presumptuous, you and your husband were wet blankets for not nicely suggesting that it was getting a bit late or starting a boardgame.

Isthisfinallyit · 27/07/2020 12:46

I would have just ordered some chinese. Were you generally happy that they were staying or were you looking forward to a more quiet evening?

Caravanserai · 27/07/2020 12:48

I don't think the DH was being unreasonable not to set them straight. It would be massively awkward to say, um , actually, can you fuck off now?

But you don't say that. When the other husband starts getting an apparently very lengthy board game out of the car at 4 pm and talks about playing it 'later', you say 'Sorry, we won't have time today, we've got other stuff we need to do later'. I'm never rude, and often have people around for scratch dinners, but if it really didn't suit me to have people stay, I would be upfront and say so.

I'm also wondering about the sexism of the husband getting out a lengthy boardgame that appears to have taken four hours to play when there's a reference to toddlers in the OP. Who was looking after the toddlers while a four-hour boardgame was under way? Would it be any chance the same person with a vagina who was apparently supposed to come up with a dinner for a bunch of extra people?

CarribeanPizza · 27/07/2020 12:48

The info we are missing here is the wording he used to invite them over originally?

Spied · 27/07/2020 12:48

If I was given a specific time to arrive on a Sunday then I'd be expecting a roast.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:49

@Isthisfinallyit

I would have just ordered some chinese. Were you generally happy that they were staying or were you looking forward to a more quiet evening?
Takeaway for 6 is too expensive unfortunately at this time of the month.

I was delighted to see them but having expected them only to stay for maybe 2 hours and then had a chilled dinner and leisurely dog walk planned I was pretty grumpy.

OP posts:
strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 27/07/2020 12:49

the guests were being, if not rude, definitely cheeky and overstaying their welcome. but equally, i always make these things concrete before making the plan, so i'd say 'come over for a cuppa on sunday' and would make it clear that dinner wasn't on the cards. they should've checked though. we normally eat dinner at around 7 or 8, and i definitely wouldnt want even close friends in my house for that long, lockdown or otherwise. id find it far too draining and would need my own space after a couple of hours.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:50

Would it be any chance the same person with a vagina who was apparently supposed to come up with a dinner for a bunch of extra people?

Haha, nope. They watched the toddlers whilst I drank wine in the kitchen!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:50

@Spied

If I was given a specific time to arrive on a Sunday then I'd be expecting a roast.
Wow, then my house would be a massive disappointment 😂
OP posts:
cushioncovers · 27/07/2020 12:52

Your dh invited them that's why they had a board game in the car. He just forgot to mention it to you first.

MouthBreathingRage · 27/07/2020 12:53

I was pretty grumpy.

I can imagine you were, but you and your husband allowed it to happen. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it was completely on you or him to say that boardgame/dinner/evening entertainment were not part of the schedule and they needed to politely sod off now.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:53

@CarribeanPizza

The info we are missing here is the wording he used to invite them over originally?
It was just a casual, it’d be great to catch up with you guys. You fancy coming over around 2? No mention of any meals. My husband DEFINITELY would have told me if he thought they were coming for dinner. We entertain regularly and would have been more than happy to have them for dinner IF that’s what was arranged.
OP posts:
cushioncovers · 27/07/2020 12:53

Meant to say invited them for the afternoon and evening

Lilybet1980 · 27/07/2020 12:54

Is no one else interested to know what the OP russled up for dinner?!

StoppinBy · 27/07/2020 12:54

I would assume the invite was for afternoon tea but any time I invite people over I make it clear what they are invited for, eg, would you like to come for a couple of hours on Sunday? I will organise afternoon tea or, would you like to visit on Sunday afternoon, you are welcome to stay for tea.

Lesson learned hopefully lol, next time just make the invite very very clear.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:54

@cushioncovers

Your dh invited them that's why they had a board game in the car. He just forgot to mention it to you first.
Again no.

Can I clarify, my husband DID NOT invite them to dinner.

He’s a good egg and very quick to own it when he screws up.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 27/07/2020 12:55

So you haven't been to theirs before, and they've never been to yours? Are they pretty new friends? If so, no way of knowing if they're cheeky fuckers, or just misunderstood.

Cheeseandwin5 · 27/07/2020 12:55

@madcatladyforever
I'll bet you anything your DH told them they could stay for dinner.

Why because it is always the Husbands fault?
You think he would have wanted to serve up nothing to their guests?
I hate when ppl prejudices make such ridiculous comments.

DillonPanthersTexas · 27/07/2020 12:55

Brits are so uptight with this kind of thing.