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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

240 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:26

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

OP posts:
ColumboOnTheCase · 28/07/2020 20:36

Wow what’s with some of the replies here. Why are people blaming OP and her DH for their friends CF behaviour? I would never expect to stay for dinner if I went to a friends for a catch up at 2pm.

Bluntness100 · 28/07/2020 20:39

Bit of a side note but who the hell keeps their board games in their car...

Lazypuppy · 28/07/2020 20:48

OP, why would you be paying for the takeaway? I don'y pay for peoples takeaways if they come to ours, obviously everyone pays for themselves.

Also, 2pm on a sunday is lunch time

Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/07/2020 21:17

So long as the company is good, I love impromptu get together a like this. I would’ve just said who’s up for takeaway and what shall we have?

caringcarer · 29/07/2020 00:30

I would have taken a joint of meat out of freezer and defrosted and cooked a roast but made dh prep veg.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 29/07/2020 07:23

@caringcarer

I would have taken a joint of meat out of freezer and defrosted and cooked a roast but made dh prep veg.
Unfortunately we’re vegetarian 😂
OP posts:
Palavah · 29/07/2020 08:32

@caringcarer at what time? If the OP had taken a joint out of the freezer when she realised the guests weren't leaving at 5/6pm they would have been eating the joint for breakfast!

Michellelovesizzy · 29/07/2020 08:41

I would only think i was invited 4 dinner if someone said do u want to come 4 dinner? And u baked so u provided a little snack and the expected dinner 2 lol... not ur hunsband fualt he just got cought off guard x

Sheilasfeels · 29/07/2020 11:03

They were obviously having fun with you all and wanted to hang around. It's frustrating but ultimately well meaning. Just try to take it as a compliment but if it's not for you maybe set boundaries next time on when you expect things to wrap up.

winniestone37 · 29/07/2020 11:24

I think it was fair of them to assume you were going to feed them!! This is prime Sunday meal time come on

AliceinBunnyland · 01/08/2020 10:21

OP, why would you be paying for the takeaway? I don'y pay for peoples takeaways if they come to ours, obviously everyone pays for themselves

If I invited friends for dinner then I would ordinarily cook for them or pay for the takeaway.

Last night I had a friend over. I invited her around lunchtime to come over on the afternoon as we were both on annual leave. She said she was busy but could come around 4:30-5. I said fine but bad not intended to invite her for dinner (planned a relaxed evening tbh) so when we talked about food she said she would go halves (DH didn't want what I wanted) and I accepted that and let her pay her half on that occasion - which is probably similar to OP's scenario?

KorkMum · 01/08/2020 13:05

Should gave gone chip shop. Cheap and cheerful.

Delatron · 01/08/2020 13:44

They sound very cheeky and clearly outstayed their welcome.

I am very specific these days in my invites to avoid confusion (DH can go rogue sometimes though). So I’ll say ‘come round at 5pm I’ll do kids tea and we’ll have drinks and nibbles. Then no dinner expected.

Or come over for coffee and cake at 3. Then I’d drop it in conversation we were going out that night/babysitter was arriving soon if they looked like they’d settled in.

If they’ve been over to yours for dinner and other times then surely it’s their turn to host? True sign of a CF. Wait until you get an invite from them before inviting them over again.

MrsKoala · 01/08/2020 17:50

OP, why would you be paying for the takeaway? I don'y pay for peoples takeaways if they come to ours, obviously everyone pays for themselves

Depends on the circumstances, but I can imagine if the people genuinely thought they were being invited to dinner they’d think this was a bit cheeky. I used to have a friend who would invite us over for dinner then when we got there say they couldn’t be bothered to cook so thought we’d have a takeaway or go to the local pub for dinner. Then we’d be expected to pay for ourselves. I thought it was a piss take because they used to come to us and eat all our food and drink all our wine and contribute nothing. Saying come for dinner isn’t the same as saying let’s split a takeaway.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 01/08/2020 19:21

@MrsKoala

OP, why would you be paying for the takeaway? I don'y pay for peoples takeaways if they come to ours, obviously everyone pays for themselves

Depends on the circumstances, but I can imagine if the people genuinely thought they were being invited to dinner they’d think this was a bit cheeky. I used to have a friend who would invite us over for dinner then when we got there say they couldn’t be bothered to cook so thought we’d have a takeaway or go to the local pub for dinner. Then we’d be expected to pay for ourselves. I thought it was a piss take because they used to come to us and eat all our food and drink all our wine and contribute nothing. Saying come for dinner isn’t the same as saying let’s split a takeaway.

I agree. I we invite people around and then decide to have takeaway, we always pay for everyone. They sound like shit hosts.
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