To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

[Sexnotgender]

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

It was clear. If you were inviting people for an evening meal, you'd hardly bloody invite them at 2!!

[quote Crunchymum]@Sexnotgender

You seem intent on this being the guests issue?

As in they have made some terrible social faux pas... whereas any suggestions that your DH (and yourself) as the hosts should have dealt with the matter has been rebuffed?

FWIW, as a guest I don't think you should ever assume you will be fed but I'd ask in advance?

DP has a friend popping in for tea / guitar session later. Shopping day tomorrow so all I have is enough for dinner for us and the kids, DP friend will be made aware of this when he arrives.[/quote]
Did you miss the bit where I said my husband shoulders some of the blame? Or was that inconvenient?

They were very rude to assume that a 2pm invitation would morph into dinner, unless they’d been explicitly asked or invited to stay.

2pm is not dinner time unless ‘dinner’ is being used to reference the meal in the middle of the day!

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this.

Not in my world. Or anyone else’s I know. YABU for thinking everyone is the same.

Takeaway time, I’d expect them to pitch in.

I blame your DH here really because he should’ve established whether they were staying for dinner or not. Or you should’ve checked when he told you they were coming over. That would be the first thing I’d want to know as I dread not having enough food for people.

Once I misheard my DH about our visitors and I didn’t realise they were staying two nights not one! Luckily I had bulk cooked and had enough for them. But that could’ve been awkward.

It was clear. If you were inviting people for an evening meal, you'd hardly bloody invite them at 2!!

I think this is true of all days EXCEPT Sundays, when 2pm might be Sunday Lunch, and then you turn up thinking, cool, Sunday Lunch, and your hosts offer pancakes and cake, and then you either think "Shit, got it wrong, time to leave by 5pm" or, if you are a bit oblivious, you assume you got it wrong and Sunday Dinner is at 7pm, or whatever. People do things differently on Sundays.

Much less likely mistake to make if you have a toddler, though, as food timings are constantly on your mind! And RISK is an odd game to think you can play with toddlers about.

So perhaps the DH is just... odd?

I blame your DH here really because he should’ve established whether they were staying for dinner or not.

I blamed him too😂 that’s why he had to play risk while I drank wine in the kitchen.

@Palavah

I also think 2pm on a Sunday isn't late enough to be definitely not lunch.

When at 3.30/4 the other husband says, I’ve got RISK in the car, we can play it later.

This was the time to say something 'oh we'll have to do that next time - I need to give the kids their bath at XX time' - so they know they need to leave by then

It seems easy now to to tell the OP and/or her DH what they should have said. But when you're caught totally unaware those thoughts tend not to occur to most people at the time.

What was the wife's attitude during all this?

Write it off OP, as one of those things. The guests were presumptuous, firstly by bringing Risk and just announcing unilaterally that you could play it later, then by assuming dinner was included without having so much as offered in advance to bring a contribution. But it'll soon fade, and there'll be other chilled Sundays.

We’ve had this a couple of times, one set of friends, both times invited for lunch, arrived about 11am, lunch at 1. Were still there at 5pm, so offered kids tea, we’d given them suggested train times. One child falls asleep. Next train was 6.55, so we chivvyed them along at 6.30 or so...they missed it.
DH and I had booked to go to the cinema that evening - we had nothing into feed then. Babysitter said they eventually left at 8!

Same couple game the following year (we’d been to theirs in between). Made it clear it was a LUNCH invitation only. They were really put out when we said that they needed to leave at 6pm. We are not friends any more...

It seems easy now to to tell the OP and/or her DH what they should have said. But when you're caught totally unaware those thoughts tend not to occur to most people at the time.

Totally. We were caught on the hop and didn’t want to offend them as they are lovely people.

@Spied

If I was given a specific time to arrive on a Sunday then I'd be expecting a roast.

Really? No matter what time it was?

God, you'd need to check your entitlement at the door if you ever came to mine on a Sunday then! 😂

Well...I would always have a few bits in, just in case people stayed longer than we thought they might be if time goes on/ people are having a good time so would be able to put something together but understand that not everyone is like that with hosting.
As others have said, take out would be an alternative or surely a bit of cheese/ crackers as a light supper.

It might not be bad hosting.

Some people just overstay their welcome. We have friends like this. Truly lovely people who I enjoy seeing but we now always have to have an exit strategy because they would always hang around for hours after anyone else would have. They would definitely be pulling a really long board game out of the car and talking about dinner at about the time you would expect them to be leaving.

If i was invited for 2pm I would assume they'd want me out of the way for dinner time

Why do you keep inviting them round?

If I’d seen the same couple three times at my house and they’d never invited me back, I’d wonder why and probably not do it again.

We had people over for lunch on Sunday but then they were still there when I was getting the kids tea ready. Seemed rude to just not provide anything so I made cheese on toast for everyone! Not glamorous but everyone enjoyed it
Now You're very kind I think those guest's were out right C.F eating lunch then hanging on for tea.
I'd definitely tell them to politely piss off.

TBH I would have explained that there is a misunderstanding and that you are not cooking dinner. I really don’t get the awkwardness of this with good friends. Am certain my friends would have laughed it off and then we all chip in for a takeaway.

This has brought back a memory of when I was a teen and my mother received an invitation from a fairly new friend of hers for our family to come over on Sunday at 12:30. We arrived bearing a bottle of wine and some snacks; the host gladly relieved us of them and we sat around for a while having a drink. The 'while' became longer, and the hours rolled by - with no sign of food appearing any time soon including the snacks we'd brought them. After a couple of hours we were surreptitiously glancing at each other hungrily but still there was no sight nor aroma of dinner. Eventually, after 4 and a half hours my mother tentatively said, "well, we should probably be going' - and the 'hosts' smiled and said how nice it had been - and that was that! All very bizarre; it's hard to get wires crossed about expecting food at 12:30 on a Sunday

However - in your case, 2pm has no suggestion of a meal, you are definitely NBU

Don’t know about anyone else, but I’m really enjoying this thread! Posters are desperately projecting their own issues / routines / useless DHs onto OPs situation and she just keeps knocking them back gently. Every time. Good work OP! Some people don’t like the facts getting in the way!

On a Saturday maybe if we were good friends the evening might just go on. But you’d talk about it beforehand, and tbh any half aware guest would pick up a feeling from the hosts that something was off?

Sunday evening is crazy though, people are getting ready for the week ahead. I’d never presume, and if I was invited I’d be very aware of not making it late.

Should have just ordered a takeaway or said to dh, ok what are you going to cook for them?

This.

I'm confused, so who actually mentioned dinner? Or did they just stay until 'dinner time' and you felt you had to make dinner for everyone?

@jammyjoey

I'm confused, so who actually mentioned dinner? Or did they just stay until 'dinner time' and you felt you had to make dinner for everyone?

They started setting up a really long board game at around 4pm. It finished at 8pm. They’d been at my house since 2. Surely I needed to give them food?

What if they eat early and I just didn’t feed them and they left at 8 thinking how rude I was

That's the crux of a certain kind of British thinking which fears above all else someone thinking badly of them.

When other people would think that overstaying an invitation that had clearly been timed to be an after lunch and before dinner visit without a significant meal by many hours, and never inviting someone who's hosted them several times to their house is a far ruder thing to do...

"I've got risk in the car"

I'm going to be laughing at this all day!