To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

[Sexnotgender]

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

This reminds me of how my dear old Dad used to get rid of us after Boxing Day lunch.

We were allotted ONE mince pie and ONE cup of tea, one hour after we finished eating lunch. He would then clear away the cups and plates, wash them up, and stand at the door of the sitting room saying "Well it was lovely seeing you. Have you got everything?"

Just for fun, one of my brothers asked one time if he could have another cup of tea. The incredulity on Dad's face was hysterical

(We didn't get another cup of tea)

I think there’s a lesson to be learned about making your invitations clearer. That way everyone knows where they stand.

Absolutely! My husband has been given strict instructions not to offer invitations that could in any way be misconstrued in future 😂

Mumsnet is so funny sometimes- 2pm is dinner time or you’d assume you were invited for afternoon tea. Or whip up something from your vast array of cheese and cold cuts. Or assuming everyone can pay for a takeaway for 6.
Op they were rude. If I was invited somewhere after lunch I’d leave around 4, assuming they would be getting their own tea ready.

YANBU at all. So funny reading some of these replies. As if you’d expect a roast 😂 and takeaways for 6 aren’t cheap.,, also what if there wasn’t a decent local one?!
You handled it well and you come across like a lovely person with a nice DH.
If there is a next time I’d tell them you have to be out by x time so they know they need to go.
Although it sounds like it’s their turn to host first!

In the unlikely event of me inviting anyone for Sunday lunch, I would specify "Sunday lunch", and it would be 1PM. 2PM means it's not over until 3.30 and you (I) then feel blobby and stupefied for the rest of the day.

you are being generous, invited at 2pm means you don't start eating until 3pm, which is fine but either you still full from lunch or absolutely starving because it's the middle of the afternoon!

Sunday is a weird day for timings I find. Most people I know have a late breakfast and a Sunday lunch type big family meal at about 2-3pm (we don’t tho, we still eat in the evening like any other day) If I was invited at 2pm I’d assume a roast type ‘lunch’ I think but I’d clarify at the point of invitation. The moment cakes and tea were brought out I’d realise my mistake tho and then leave at about 4-5pm

Recently I’ve invited people over for play dates and clearly texted ‘at 1.30, after lunch’ as I haven’t wanted to do a meal for them all, but they have still been here at 6pm and the children usually eat at 5 and I’ve been keeping them going with biscuits till the guests leave and I can start dinner. If I started dinner with them here I’d feel compelled to offer them to stay and join us.

If your invitation had been for 1 p.m., I could understand guests assuming they'd been invited for dinner. But 2 p.m. is usually assumed to be the afternoon, after eating, so they were either cheeky, or, at the most charitable interpretation, confused; and YANBU.

Most people I know have a late breakfast and a Sunday lunch type big family meal at about 2-3pm

It's rather interesting to read all these differing expectations and norms. When my DC were younger, all the families we were friends with would tend to spend the whole Sunday at a NT property/historic house/going for a long walk etc, which would always involve a picnic. Nobody got up particularly late or stayed in all day. Perhaps it's because none of us had local family? We did occasionally "do Sunday lunch", and invite other people - but the invitation would always be specific about this.

Perhaps I was just trying not to recreate my own dreary 70s Sundays, consisting of being bored, having Sunday lunch, being a bit more bored while watching Dad cut the hedge or wash the car, and going to bed.

YANBU.

With a 2 pm arrival I would not expect dinner. And if I did end up staying to dinner time I'd suggest takeaway or maybe sandwiches.

I have a cousin who is seemingly oblivious to time constraints on invites. We invited her for lunch and she didn't leave until the following day (after lunch)

It's rather interesting to read all these differing expectations and norms. When my DC were younger, all the families we were friends with would tend to spend the whole Sunday at a NT property/historic house/going for a long walk etc, which would always involve a picnic. Nobody got up particularly late or stayed in all day. Perhaps it's because none of us had local family? We did occasionally "do Sunday lunch", and invite other people - but the invitation would always be specific about this.

This is pretty much what we do every Saturday and Sunday because our kids are small. But most people I know with older kids tend to have a more lazy Sunday. My Sunday lunch growing up was at 3.30pm because pubs closed at 3. We’d go swimming/park etc in the morning and then out to the pub 12-3. Then home for dinner. Then dad would nap 5-7 and then get up and he’d go back to the pub while mum and I watched telly and had a sandwich and cake. Which was the routine of most of our friends.

2pm is dinner time or you’d assume you were invited for afternoon tea.

Only if dinner is how you refer to a meal in the middle of the day, as opposed to in the evening.

I had this years ago. Invited an old friend and at 7pm they were still there. Conversation well dried up. Hadn't invited them for dinner and didn't want them to stay. In-laws overstayed once and in the end I reluctantly put some battered fish and chips in. When they stayed until ten minutes before ds bedtime on his birthday I didn't cook again. I was annoyed at their selfishness when we needed to get him to bed.

@Shoxfordian

Should have just ordered a takeaway or said to dh, ok what are you going to cook for them?

That or do something quick out of the freezer. Plans to have to be made clear, though, and you must impress that on your husband. It's unfair to you; what would have happened if all you had to cook was two pork chops and some veg? I suppose you could have been inventive and cut them up, cooked them with rice or something but even so.

@turnthebiglightoff

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this.

No it isn’t. YABU to think everyone eats at the same time you do.

Recently I’ve invited people over for play dates and clearly texted ‘at 1.30, after lunch’ as I haven’t wanted to do a meal for them all,

probably one of the most sensible posts I've read on here!

In (my) real life, people tend to be pretty clear on what they invite you over for. I can't think of many times where we were left puzzled about what the invitation might cover as everybody has different schedules. 2pm tends to be coffee, 7pm tends to be drinks, but some afternoon bbq have no set time.

It would be manageable as adults, but it becomes an utter pain when you have children. Mine won't eat much if you serve them diner at 5pm, they have their afternoon snack around 4-4:30! But the youngest will become very annoying if you don't serve them lunch until 2 or 3pm, because by then they'll be starving.

If we had friends over at 2pm I’d expect them to be here until after dinner including food. Friends come over here at that time and bring pj’s for the kids so they can leave at bedtime etc. That’s just normal for us so I can see how it’s happened.

This is the kind of thing that would happen in my house and my husband and I would handle totally differently.

I would have no qualms saying, 'maybe next time, we have plans this evening but it's been lovely to see you!' when Risk appeared. My husband would have gone along with it and moaned about it after they finally left.

We have one friend in particular that I've asked him not to invite round again because he always outstays his welcome and my husband will not say anything, or allow me to say anything without an argument later, because he feels 'it's rude'. I think the rudeness is the overstaying. 🤷‍♀️

@SantaClaritaDiet
that's not what the thread is about at all. The "friends" did stay over for diner!

Yes I got that, what I mean is the OP probably should have had the conversation at the time rather than scrabbling around in the background following her husbands 'wife work' instruction about making the food. Of course they stayed for dinner, they may have felt awkward that food was being rustled up for them and obliged to stay. My point is, an easy informal discussion at the time about this would have cleared things up. I agree with @Caravanserai about seeing OPs on here tormenting themselves over politeness and its not blunt to have a discussion where wires could have been crossed.

It sounds like a misunderstanding to me tbh. Don't necessarily think they are CFs.

I do think people hear "come to ours on Sunday. Around 2?" and some people would assume Sunday roast. It's the Sunday aspect I think, in the bonkers country we all inhabit, which makes some people assume there's roast meat and two veg involved.

I wouldn't get too worked up about it either way, unless they are CFs in other ways.

I think it's a bit awkward when you invite anyone round . I'd always offer food& drink but inviting someone round at 2 is early to expect dinner .
Like you said you have afternoon tea so to expect dinner too is a bit much . Perhaps they didn't expect it's just the board game went on far too long and they are the type not to understand they have overstayed their welcome .
Perhaps invite for lunch or dinner next time and if it's in between say it's just for a couple of hours as have plans so they understand.

2pm on Sunday is dinner time for me - so yes I would expect dinner or lunch. Also, as it's a Sunday I'd think there was some expectation of staying for a while.

I'd order takeaway if I didn't have food in.

Of course they stayed for dinner, they may have felt awkward that food was being rustled up for them and obliged to stay.

why would they assume? Unless the OP starts making diner at 4pm (which is a bit unusual lets' be honest), but if you are invited for 2pm, reasonably you leave around 5 possibly 6 - long before diner time.
By that time, if hosts wants you they invite you to stay for a bite.

If the friends decided to stay longer, and make no move to go, it's clear that it's getting awkward.

2pm on Sunday is dinner time for me

sorry but I have to ask: what time do you have lunch on a Sunday then!

Ah! I somewhat misunderstood this as 'dinner' meaning 'lunch'. If it's the evening meal, then it's even more bizarre of them to assume that a 2 p.m. invitation includes supper. Especially if you'd already given them tea with some baked goodies. And especially if, as it sounds, they'd brought their young children, which means that you had to provide food not just for 2 extra people but for 3 or 4.