To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

[Sexnotgender]

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

This is all making my head hurt. If I'm inviting someone for a meal I would specifically say so. If I'm not, then if just call it hanging out or having a brew or whatever. Also I've found the older I get, the better I am at politely steering people towards leaving if they have gotten the wrong impression. If you've got young kids it's a piece of piss - "it's been great hanging out but I'm afraid I've got to put X down for a nap/start the kids tea/give them a bath etc. Let's do this again soon". If you dont have kids just say you need to start your own dinner or are going out somewhere etc. Easy.

I would have said around 6pm 'hey it was great catching up but I've got to get the kids supper. Let's do it again soon'. And stand up looking expectantly at them.

If they're friends couldn't you have said "shall we order something in for dinner and split it?" Pretty casual and low stress. Then they could have said "ooh we'll be off as we've taken something out to eat" - excuse made, or they say "sure what do you fancy!"

I give a start and end time now I have young children. “Fancy coming round 2-5ish on Sunday to catch up”. I never used to suggest an end time before children but life was just generally more easy and relaxed then!

This reminds me of a party we had a few years ago, my niece brought along her new boyfriend, she left at midnight but he stayed and when she came back the next day found him seated eating sunday roast with the family!

I was once invited round to a friend's house for 3pm on a Sunday. It just happened that day we had the most ENORMOUS Sunday lunch before we left. When we got there she presented us with a full meal that she had obviously gone to a huge amount of effort to cook..... I have never been so proud of my two children who didn't say a word and valiantly ate as much as they could manage. I have learned that you can NEVER assume what time somebody else has Sunday lunch 😟

I could forgive this situation & put it down to experience, just be clear next time on what’s included in the invite. I went to an evening wedding reception , stuck out in the middle of nowhere and all we got to eat was some cheese & crackers, very nicely done but everyone was starving & as for those that didn’t eat cheese, they were gnawing their own wrists. Be specific & clear so people know what to expect.

YANBU - I would have just suggested a takeaway though

If somebody suggests a long board game at 3.30/4 you either say - oh no that's too long for this visit, we need to get on, play next time?
Or you say, that takes ages, do you want to stay for food - we could get a takeaway?

I don’t think you were unreasonable, at the same time in my house growing up an invitation at that time on a Sunday would’ve included a late-ish lunch and then tea and cake around 4.30/5 which was essentially the cue to leave.

Having moved from the south to the north I’ve learned to clarify because being invited for tea has led to a few misunderstandings

my sister inlaw said 'oh you must come round for dinner one Friday'

I thought she said.. you must come round for dinner 'on Friday'.

i turned up with the wine... luckily they were both out... but the nanny was home and called my sil... who corrected the mistake by explaining i had got 'one' and 'on' misheard..

that was about 10 years ago - still havent been invited for dinner!

Sunday is dangerous ground because people get so relaxed...

I think a case of crossed wires.

This seems like the husband of the guests who made it into an evening meal. The last time he came he had dinner and was clearly having such a good time he suggested the game being played.
Definitely good to clarify what’s on offer next time.
It’s the same when you go somewhere and they insist you stay for dinner when really you just want to go home and relax on the couch

Ever since I had a similar incident a few years ago I always clarify exactly what I'm inviting guests for; "come for a cuppa at 2 on Sunday" "come for lunch on Friday" etc etc.

The comments on this thread. Dear me.

1. "dinner" for most is either around 1pm or 5pm.

2. you can't just tell good friends "we're not giving you dinner, go home" and anyone on this thread who claim they would do this are either bad friends or a liar.

3. your DH is not at fault OP, some people are just lack awareness.

Chalk it up to experience and next time they arrive you will know what to expect so make sure you have a lasagne in the deep freeze.

This is why I hate invites that say come over at 2pm. I never know is it for lunch/ a cup of coffee etc. I always assume it is just for coffee, eat before I go and then arrive to a three course meal.

When I invite someone I do tend to say "drinks & nibbles", afternoon tea, lunch, dinner etc. To be honest though with the drinks and nibbles and afternoon tea I tend to have something in stock that I can make a meal out of. Pasta Puttanesca is a favourite.

Sunday lunch (sorry - I'm specifying now the correct meal!) is generally between 1-5pm in a Sunday. For most people. So yes YABU.

@FelicisNox...where I live now ‘dinner time’ is very definitely midday and often used just as a measure of time, so you might book a dentist appointment at ‘dinner time’ . To me growing up it was anywhere between 5 and 7pm. I think we all just assume our own experience is the same for everyone.

I did once go to see a friend who invited me over at ‘dinner time’ who not only didn’t feed me but actually made and ate her own lunch while I was there without offering me any. I was too stunned to even hint that I was absolutely starving.

I think it’s fairly obvious what’s happened here. DH invited and DH let the visitors believe (and didn’t correct them) that dinner was on the table. Then he plays all innocent with you. After all, it’s you who will rustle it up, whilst he sits and entertains.

@Pekeygirl75

I think it’s fairly obvious what’s happened here. DH invited and DH let the visitors believe (and didn’t correct them) that dinner was on the table. Then he plays all innocent with you. After all, it’s you who will rustle it up, whilst he sits and entertains.

Yeah, no. Not in the slightest. Thanks for playing though.

@turnthebiglightoff 2pm is Sunday dinner time??? I’m at my grans still drinking cups of tea at that time. Sunday tea time is about 5ish same as every night

when did Brunch stop being fashionable I wonder

2pm on a subway is Sunday roast time, surely?

*sunday not subway!

Another thinking CF.
They just so happened to have RISK in the car? Not buying it. They knew exactly what they were doing.