To ask SAHM’s, do you tell your husband/SO where you are in the day if you’re going out?

[CDWM]

Whether it is going to the shops, supermarket or going for a pub lunch, do you inform your husband/SO of your whereabouts? This applies to those who have children who may be with them in the day, or children who are at nursery/school meaning you are on your own in the day.

I work part time but no I don’t tend to tell him what I’m up to, unless we’re generally chatting about our day. When DH gets home we talk about our days, how the DC have been etc.

When I go on a day out with the kids it’s often a rural walk etc so I’ll tell him where we are as a backup incase of some emergency. And likewise if he had them somewhere out of the ordinary or very isolated, tricky drive etc then I’d like to know. But that’s just sensible surely.

Yes, because we are one those cringey couples who messages each other about every little detail.

If I'm very busy then I might not find the time to tell him during the day, but he would always ask me about my day over dinner and at that point I would tell him.

I’d let him know first if it meant he would be better able to do an emergency school pick up than I would, so if I was travelling any distance or having dental treatment or something that couldn’t be interrupted.
Practical arrangements are fine. Requiring permission is not okay.

If we were both at home, then yes. Not because I have to, or because he would somehow feel he needed to know. Simply because it would be a bit weird to just walk out of the house without mentioning it! Plus we tend to organise together what's going on "I'm off out to the supermarket so can you walk the dog" etc.

If one of us were at home and the other at work, then no.

I do but without detail. More a "I'm going shopping/walking/meeting a friend" kind of way but not telling him where (because I change my mind enough to end up in a different city in pre corona times). He might ask if I pass a certain shop if he needs something, or he might ask if I'm taking the car but that's it really. It's not a conscious thing, I'm not trying to be secretive and I guess he doesn't really care about the detail.

When I was, no, and wouldn't even if my spouse didn't work nights.

If I had something in the evening that could overrun to when he needs to work, we'd discuss it, and we generally discuss our days/nights with each other.

I can see maybe asking if we needed/still needed X from town, as he does most of the shopping and it's been known for both of us to buy something (or once, me, my spouse, and my lodger all bought the same thankfully non-perishable item).

I'm a childminder so technically a sahm, unless he asks I don't tell him. He does tend to phone me through the day of he's not busy, needs something, is bored, or wants a moan. I very rarely contact him throughout the day.

We have a toddler and both of us have a tendency to text pics to the other when out, so it’s pretty obvious.

Supermarket, town, library etc? No.
Going out for while day? Yes
Half term, plans with kids... Mostly, in general conversation.
I'll mention if I'm not expecting to be home at lunchtime since he comes home for lunch. He'll mention if he won't be home for lunch. He will tell me if he needs the car.

If he's working away... He pretty much has no idea.

Never tell him on purpose.

Will mention in general convo sometimes but there are days where he doesn’t ask and it doesn’t come up and no he doesn’t know where I am.

In normal times dh is in and out of the house a lot during his working day so I’d usually mention if we were planning to be out so that he makes sure he takes his house keys, he also might want to plan some of his jobs around when the house would be quieter.

No, if he asks me I'll tell him - I'm not hiding anything, but it's not necessary for me to tell him what I'm doing. He's at work and I'm looking after our children, any details other than that are unimportant.

I'm not a SAHP, but I do have one day off each week (compressed hours), so I have smallest dc with me that day (and school age one since lockdown). I would only tell him what I was doing if it came up in conversation - 'Oh, the weather is rubbish, shame we were planning to go to the park today' or 'I'm going to Tesco, do you need anything while I'm there?' I wouldn't just give him an accounting of my day. He'd probably be pretty annoyed if I did. Just like I would be if he was texting me all day when I was trying to work.

No, I might say something like 'we're going to [place] today' just so he knows what DD's on about when she tells him but I don't give him a schedule.

Are you ok op? Having to tell someone everywhere you go and everything you do during the day is not normal and is abusive if that's what's happening. Having a conversation about your day where you might mention one or two things that happened is fairly normal but having to give a complete run down definitely isn't

I was a sahm for 10 years...I never made a point of informing my dh as to my whereabouts, no. I mean yeah...I’d tell him...but only as part of normal conversation like anyone would.
“How are you?”
“Not bad, just taking those jeans back to Next...”
That sort of thing.

If he’s around while I’m heading out I’ll obviously say “I’m off to meet Mike for drinks, not planning to be back too late but don’t wait up for me” or “popping to Sainsbury’s - see you in an hour or so” or if he asks at the end of the day what I got up to that day then I’ll tell him. He does likewise. Neither of us tells the other that they’re going out ahead of schedule though, unless it’s just to check there weren’t other pre-arranged plans we’d forgotten about.

What is your reason for asking OP?

Thanks for the replies. I am going to be a SAHM very shortly with our first born. Husband has mentioned a few times that he expects me to tell him if we leave the house as he is concerned about our safety and would like to know where we are incase anything were to happen. It does feel controlling to me hence why I asked the question here. I think if I don’t update him in the day he will probably come home and ask what I’ve done all day to find out where I’ve been. Not quite sure how to manage this.

He asks how my day was when he gets home.
At the start he may ask but more out of politeness ( I am not too sure if he listens to the replies).
f I am seeing someone I dont know I will probably let him know.

Weird question

I work, but thinking about maternity leave...

I would mention the shops only to ask if he wanted something specific whilst I was there (and he would do the same).

If a pub lunch is a last minute thing, I wouldn't call to let him know but otherwise it would probably come up in the conversation before hand - even if I am at work, I would probably mention if I was planning on meeting x friend for lunch, or mentioning it after. Same if he's working from home and playing golf or something.

Even if the kids are at school and I am alone, it's usually a quick." what are you up to tomorrow", it's not a big secret.

If I am with the kids, I'll probably send a few photos at some point.

I would find it equally weird and unhealthy not to mention activities than having to make a full report. I am curious why you asked.

At the moment DH is working from home so I would normally say we are off to the park or the duck pond. My life isn’t any more exciting than that.

Before corona he would ask me if I was doing any nice that day or I would mention it general conversation.

Sometimes if I’ve got plans in advance for example I’m meeting a friend, but generally not really. He comes home and might say how was your day but doesn’t expect a rundown of what we’ve done

Not quite sure how to manage this.

Just say no, you won't be doing that.