To ask SAHM’s, do you tell your husband/SO where you are in the day if you’re going out?

[CDWM]

Whether it is going to the shops, supermarket or going for a pub lunch, do you inform your husband/SO of your whereabouts? This applies to those who have children who may be with them in the day, or children who are at nursery/school meaning you are on your own in the day.

Sometimes I feel guilty about working full time with two young kids and then I read threads like this where the OP is beholden to her husband and I thank my lucky stars for my job.

No, not really. I'm in off to town shopping, I'll ask if he needs anything picking up. Or if he asks 'what you two up to tomorrow' (myself and dd) I'll let him know. Whereas if we have no plans, and I decide we're just gonna head out for the day, I don't tell him. I don't need to. It'll more than likely come up in conversation at the end of the day like 'what you been up to today then' but if he doesn't ask, then I don't necessarily think to tell him unless we've done something.m new or exciting.

@shemadeit

Sometimes I feel guilty about working full time with two young kids and then I read threads like this where the OP is beholden to her husband and I thank my lucky stars for my job.

I don't work, have 3 kids and I'm not beholden to DH. Working doesn't somehow give you a better taste in men, lots of working women still end up trapped in bad relationships

Not when we were both working outside the house. Now I have to have a reason to go out with us both at home.

I don't work, have 3 kids and I'm not beholden to DH. Working doesn't somehow give you a better taste in men, lots of working women still end up trapped in bad relationships

Yes, but said working women are not financially dependent on the shithead they end up in a relationship with, it removes one potential element of control within the relationship, and it's a lot easier to leave.

@RainyWinter

I absolutely think that SAHPs should be reporting to the working parent on what they’ve done and where they’ve been.

The way I see it is that the working parent is effectively the SAHP’s ‘boss’ or ‘line manager’ as it is their salary that is enabling the SAHP’s lifestyle. They are therefore quite within their rights to expect a report on what exactly they are funding and whether the SAHP is providing value for money in terms of the quality and quantity of their childcare and housework duties.

I think you should quit now, @RainyWinter. You've overplayed your hand.

@RainyWinter I sincerely hope you are joking, unfortunately there are actually batshit people who would agree with you so I can't be sure

No it is not normal OP. Keep an eagle eye for other controlling behaviours.

@CarrotCakeCrumbs, Depends on your sense of humour, I suppose. Not sure RainyWinter has one, but either way, she's goading, so best not engage.

I pretty much always tell DP if i have plans. It's usually just to make conversation or to give him the chance to say he wants something if I'm going shopping.

I always make sure he knows if me and DD won't be home when he gets home in case he worries we are not there.

If DP goes out he'll do the same thing.

I mention stuff as conversation. He works from home though so he can generally tell by the noise levels whether or not we’re in 🤣

I'd mention it in conversation I'd never check in or have to update him if plans changed if he asked me to inform him of every plan or update I made I'd be wary as my ex was a controlling twat.

No, unless it comes up in conversation or has some relevance to him.

I've now read your updates. Do you live in a warzone? If not, then his "concerns" for your safety are ridiculous? It's very controlling to demand updates.

Did you update him when you were working? Does he update you "I'm just going to Pret to buy a sandwich now", "I'm back at my desk now", "Going to the toilet"?