To think she stabbed be me in the back pretending it was concern.

[getherout34]

I recently left a job last month under bad terms with the management. I had being there a year. Anyway I'm not going to go into the details but within a week I clashed badly over the management on the Monday which escalated to the Wednesday and by the Friday I decided to give in my resignation following another telling off which I didn't agree with from mght.

I was with a colleague I made good mates with [we were both newbies and started together] when I decided to resign and was upset. I emailed by resignation to HR and was in my office and it was the end of the day. I was crying a little but but told her I was ok and wanted to be alone for a bit.

Anyway next I get a call from the mgmt. who want me in their office. I was totally not expecting this and realty didn't want to as I was about to leave and I'd a tear stained face and did not want to see the management[remember it was a mgmt. team I didn't get on with].

They asked me was I ok at the meeting and I sat there like an complete idiot and totally humiliated that they saw me like this. It turns out she'd went down and told them. She hadn't even told me only the boss told me, I said I was fine and left. Now I know people will say she just wanted to check you were ok but after I was really angry at her [although never said] and me and my mate both agreed she was doing it to suck up to the mgmt. and look all caring but it was self serving and she'd no right to do that. AIBU or can anybody see my point?

I have found that people at work are rarely your friends. Some people are very lucky and get to meet people who become good friends, but in my experience people are mostly out for themselves and are happy to stick the knife in to make themselves look good.

Where I work now, a woman started who I thought was nice but soon found out she tells our manager everything that we say.

Where I used to work I became good friends with a woman but she had learnt that raising concerns with managers means your card is marked and you can be seen as a trouble maker. Instead she tried to get me to raise the concerns so my card was marked and she looked innocent.

When something happens people will band together to say how terrible it is and get someone to complain to management then don’t back you up.

I don’t trust anyone I work with. I also keep out of everything and don’t get involved

If she knew how bad things were between you and management, then she isn't any sort of friend telling them you were upset.

Exactly and what irked me was that if I confronted her she'd use the whole ''oh I just wanted to see you were ok'' bollox when she was looking for brownie points. I even told 2 other mates who said she was trying to help me but I thought she was doing it for her own benefit and went right off her.

You'd already resigned. What brownie points would she get from informing management you were sitting in your office upset?

The fact that she went down to him looking all concerned helping her colleague is the brownie points.

I think I would have done the same and it WOULD have been out of concern.

''in my experience people are mostly out for themselves and are happy to stick the knife in to make themselves look good.''

Yep and that's exactly how I saw the whole situations and her actions.

Honestly, OP, you sound incredibly immature. It seems like your colleague did speak to management out of concern for you and all this stuff about 'brownie points' is just arrant nonsense.

She’s not your friend, you’ve resigned anyway, you never have to see her again. Who the hell cares of she did it for brownie points. You’re not there anymore so it doesn’t concern you.

God you sound like hard work. Is there anyone you do get on with?

I think that it would be perfectly reasonable for a colleague, faced with someone in distress in the office, to tell a manager that the person is distressed and crying. I'd do it. Most people I know would do it. As a manager I've had people come and tell me about similar things. Never once has anyone taken that concern to be anything other than genuine. Sounds like you have a habit of making everything about you.

Well I am angry because it was humiliating and I'd trusted her but felt she sold me down the river.

I can’t see how she’d score any brownie points by ‘looking all concerned’.

It really doesn’t sound like she did anything that bad, but you sound like a drama llama.

There are plenty of workplaces where people work as a team and look out for one another.

Have you considered the possibility that she may have actually been concerned about you, like she said.

You know, a co-workers loyalty is with the company, not with colleagues.

@getherout34

''in my experience people are mostly out for themselves and are happy to stick the knife in to make themselves look good.''

Yep and that's exactly how I saw the whole situations and her actions.

She didn't stick the knife in . This is paranoid nonsense. It certainly suggests an attitude problem on your part; which may explain your issues with management in the first place.

@getherout34 it sounds like you’re upset you’ve had to leave and are fixating on her actions when it’s really the bigger picture that’s important

You had already resigned, exactly which river did she sell you down?

A colleague is sat crying at her desk having just resigned. Of course you tell a manager.

YABU

Are you 16?

Making everything fit your own personal narrative isn’t very mature and your OP was very confusing to follow.

How the hell did she sell you down the river? You were upset, she was concerned and alerted management. How was it humiliating, you'd already resigned, were going to walk out at the end of the day and never look back.

Drama llama is an apt description for you.

''How was it humiliating, you'd already resigned, were going to walk out at the end of the day and never look back.''

I had to serve a notice period, the fact I had to sit in front of my mgmt. with a tear stained face when I told her I wanted time alone.

Your op is incredibly incoherent. You'd been there a year yet within a week you'd clashed so badly with management that you decided to resign?

Agree with others YABU. She probably was concerned and you're over reacting.

I've had people resign because they are upset, and it's the worst time to do it, as a manager it's my job to ensure people are ok, it's called duty of care. If someone were to calm down, think about what they want then resign that's ok, but resigning in the heat of the moment can lead to all sorts of issues, bad feelings and unprofessionalism - if management let you leave knowing you were so upset that would have been bad, if your colleague left knowing you were upset that would have been bad.
If I was in your managers position, I would have asked you to come see me, and considering the bad feelings would have asked for a third person to be present.

You sound about twelve.

I don’t agree that she did it out of concern. She did it to curry favour with Mgment.
The place sounds toxic, don’t waste a minute more of your life on them

@AmIAWeed

I've had people resign because they are upset, and it's the worst time to do it, as a manager it's my job to ensure people are ok, it's called duty of care. If someone were to calm down, think about what they want then resign that's ok, but resigning in the heat of the moment can lead to all sorts of issues, bad feelings and unprofessionalism - if management let you leave knowing you were so upset that would have been bad, if your colleague left knowing you were upset that would have been bad. If I was in your managers position, I would have asked you to come see me, and considering the bad feelings would have asked for a third person to be present.

Spot on, failing to notify management of an upset colleague is callous. OP, you've twisted a perfectly reasonable and humane action into some far fetched conspiracy with a dash of paranoia and a slug of drama thrown in.