To think she stabbed be me in the back pretending it was concern.

[getherout34]

I recently left a job last month under bad terms with the management. I had being there a year. Anyway I'm not going to go into the details but within a week I clashed badly over the management on the Monday which escalated to the Wednesday and by the Friday I decided to give in my resignation following another telling off which I didn't agree with from mght.

I was with a colleague I made good mates with [we were both newbies and started together] when I decided to resign and was upset. I emailed by resignation to HR and was in my office and it was the end of the day. I was crying a little but but told her I was ok and wanted to be alone for a bit.

Anyway next I get a call from the mgmt. who want me in their office. I was totally not expecting this and realty didn't want to as I was about to leave and I'd a tear stained face and did not want to see the management[remember it was a mgmt. team I didn't get on with].

They asked me was I ok at the meeting and I sat there like an complete idiot and totally humiliated that they saw me like this. It turns out she'd went down and told them. She hadn't even told me only the boss told me, I said I was fine and left. Now I know people will say she just wanted to check you were ok but after I was really angry at her [although never said] and me and my mate both agreed she was doing it to suck up to the mgmt. and look all caring but it was self serving and she'd no right to do that. AIBU or can anybody see my point?

Yabu

Blimey, she 'sold you down the river' and 'stabbed you in the back' for 'brownie points'?

What else do you have in your life?

@NoProblem123

I don’t agree that she did it out of concern. She did it to curry favour with Mgment. The place sounds toxic, don’t waste a minute more of your life on them

Don't be daft, fgs 🙄

@getherout34

Exactly and what irked me was that if I confronted her she'd use the whole ''oh I just wanted to see you were ok'' bollox when she was looking for brownie points. I even told 2 other mates who said she was trying to help me but I thought she was doing it for her own benefit and went right off her.

You sound spiteful and envious tbh. How do you know it wasn't genuine concern?

A managers job is to manage their workforce ( that includes your welfare) It appears your colleague was concerned and spoke to your manager about those concerns.
I am by no means on the side of mgt, but you do seem to have a bit of a warped view of their role.
I would be interested to know what has happened to make you feel you needed to resign in the first place ?

What Brownie points would she get for being concerned about you? Absolutely none. In fact she may even have done herself a disservice for sticking up for someone who had fallen out with management.

Perhaps she will be better off now you are going.

She was sticking up for you.

She told management they upset you. That's the opposite of sucking up and looking for brownie points. Most people would just keep their head down and think it's none of their business.

Stabbed you in the back? You are being incredibly dramatic. Is this your first job? You'll deal with far bigger snakes than this in the workplace. Time to grow up I think.

Never tell work "mates" your business. They aren't true friends just a group of people who you happen to work with.

So you had a problem with the management and now you have a problem with a colleague expressing concern for your welfare. The common denominator in these issues is you. Rather than striking out against everyone, have you considered that maybe you are actually unreasonable? And you resign during a pandemic?!?

Yabu. As others have said, sticking to for you and telling management they'd upset you might cause her problems.

A quick lesson for you to learn for the future might be that sitting in the workplace with a ‘tear-stained face’ and looking for drama will get you nowhere in life.

And people at work are rarely your friends.

I think that it would be perfectly reasonable for a colleague, faced with someone in distress in the office, to tell a manager that the person is distressed and crying. I'd do it. Most people I know would do it.

I don't agree with this at all - I think it's humiliating and unnecessary to get management involved right at that moment.
It came across as tale-telling to me, and a guaranteed way of making you look unprofessional.

It feels like a betrayal at a time when you were vulnerable. YANBU to feel upset. Unfortunate lesson learned that the people you work with are your colleagues, not your friends.

You do sound very immature. It sounds like you have to growing up to do before you are in professional working environment.

Spot on, failing to notify management of an upset colleague is callous. OP, you've twisted a perfectly reasonable and humane action into some far fetched conspiracy with a dash of paranoia and a slug of drama thrown in.

Yes, exactly. If a work friend suddenly resigned via while visibly upset and was sitting crying in her office, the average person would want senior colleagues to know, because resigning in a fit of pique might well be an incredibly rash decision the resigner could regret bitterly ten seconds after hitting 'send' on the email. We've all made mad decisions while upset.

If the person's line manager is made aware of the context of the resignation especially if it's personal differences which seem to have come up out of the blue only a few days earlier, with no attempts to resolve them within the workplace then there's potentially a way back.

I see no reason to assume the worst of your colleague.

As others have said, sticking to for you and telling management they'd upset you might cause her problems.

Yes. Absolutely no one is thrilled to have someone bob up pointing the finger in your office. It's highly unlikely to have won her management kudos.

Whew ... bet they heaved a sigh of relief when you walked out the door!
You'd be better pondering on the fact that your tantrums and drama have left you without a job at a time when it won't be easy to find another. Now let me guess - do mummy and daddy still finance the roof over your head and your phone and the food on the table??? Because adults don't normally stomp out of jobs until they have one to go to.

I can see the other side of it .perhaps she wanted the management realise they’re should not treat staff badly and realise the consequence of their alleged actions .

She had absolutely nothing to gain by going to the management. You’d already resigned. Is it not more likely she was trying to stick up for you and make them aware of the damage they’d caused?

I think I would have told them too. I'd have told them you were in your office upset, either in an accusatory way if I thought they'd behaved badly, or to give them the chance to put it right before you left.

It would have been out of concern.

I don't think anyone would get brownie points for that, you're reading too much into it.

You’d already resigned in writing, so anything she did had no impact on you employment wise.

Work isn’t private space. It’s appropriate to inform management when a colleague is upset in the workplace.

Unless you’re wealthy and don’t need money, not sensible to resign that over a work issue when you have no job to go to!

I don't see how it would have gained any brownie points I also don't know how faces get stained with tears.

YABU, overdramatic and oversensitive. It was out of concern, calm down.

I see what you’re saying, as if I was upset because of issues with a manager at work, the last thing I would want is them to see me visibly upset and crying, you didn’t ask her to tell anyone so she shouldn’t have really gone and told them you were crying imo. However, maybe she went in to make a point that they’ve handled this badly as you’re so upset you’re crying at work? I think next time go to the toilet and have a cry in there.