To think she stabbed be me in the back pretending it was concern.

[getherout34]

I recently left a job last month under bad terms with the management. I had being there a year. Anyway I'm not going to go into the details but within a week I clashed badly over the management on the Monday which escalated to the Wednesday and by the Friday I decided to give in my resignation following another telling off which I didn't agree with from mght.

I was with a colleague I made good mates with [we were both newbies and started together] when I decided to resign and was upset. I emailed by resignation to HR and was in my office and it was the end of the day. I was crying a little but but told her I was ok and wanted to be alone for a bit.

Anyway next I get a call from the mgmt. who want me in their office. I was totally not expecting this and realty didn't want to as I was about to leave and I'd a tear stained face and did not want to see the management[remember it was a mgmt. team I didn't get on with].

They asked me was I ok at the meeting and I sat there like an complete idiot and totally humiliated that they saw me like this. It turns out she'd went down and told them. She hadn't even told me only the boss told me, I said I was fine and left. Now I know people will say she just wanted to check you were ok but after I was really angry at her [although never said] and me and my mate both agreed she was doing it to suck up to the mgmt. and look all caring but it was self serving and she'd no right to do that. AIBU or can anybody see my point?

OP, your somewhat aggressive response to perfectly valid comments about your posts makes me wonder if your colleagues may be quite glad you have resigned.

Maybe she came to speak to you in the first place because management had asked her to check on you or to check that you had left the building? Maybe she told management because she wanted them to see the effects their behaviour had had ...
There are lots of possible reasons for her behaviour. There's no need to assume it was 'stabbing you in the back' or came from a negative place. She still has to work there. You don't. If you were a real friend to her, you would understand that might cause her to act differently than you would. Also don't underestimate the pressure management will put on staff they assume to be friends if they see one of you as difficult. She may not have the luxury of leaving and walking into another job.

@NoProblem123

I don’t agree that she did it out of concern. She did it to curry favour with Mgment. The place sounds toxic, don’t waste a minute more of your life on them

LOL. How would this be 'currying favour'?

As someone with a mangement role myself, I can promise you that there isn't a manager in the world who wants to be told one of her employees is crying. It's either a sign that someone on your team is distressed, which is bad, or it's a sign that someone who is a drama llama is making drama, which is also bad. Either way, it's more work for you and unsettling for the rest of the team.

''She may not have the luxury of leaving and walking into another job.''

no but she was left 6 million quid by her father last year she told me-only child and sole benefactor.

She had a duty of care towards an upset colleague and she escalated it. She didn’t stab you in the back, or anything of the kind. You’re being a bit immature and insensitive about this.

Op for the sake of your sanity, I would leave this thread. Most people on aibu seem to forget there is a real person going through a crisis behind the screen. I hope you can get past this and move on to better things

''As someone with a mangement role myself, I can promise you that there isn't a manager in the world who wants to be told one of her employees is crying. It's either a sign that someone on your team is distressed, which is bad, or it's a sign that someone who is a drama llama is making drama, which is also bad. Either way, it's more work for you and unsettling for the rest of the team.''

Astounded so many people can't see why what she did was brown nosing.

@getherout34

''She may not have the luxury of leaving and walking into another job.''

no but she was left 6 million quid by her father last year she told me-only child and sole benefactor.

Oh please! This has got to be a wind up.

She was. Her dad owned various properties in London which were sold off before he died. It was expected he was to go into long term care but died pretty suddenly after getting Parkinsons [heart attack]and after his diagnosis he sold it all off. She inherited the lot-6.2 million in total after taxes plus his 4 bed house in Leeds.

Why she continued to work is beyond me.

I agree OP I'd hide this thread. If you're going back to your ex employer in a secure job I wouldn't work my notice.
Bullies in the workplace are not unheard of. I was a target once myself I'd have been mortified if they saw me upset.

Astounded so many people can't see why what she did was brown nosing

You haven't answered my point. Why do you think this would get her favour with managers? It certainly wouldn't with any manager I know.

Because it makes her look all 'nice' and 'team player' and running into mgmt to tell tale- like come on-of course people love to go to the top to look good.

God, who needs enemies with friends like you OP. Maybe grow up a little before your next job.

''I agree OP I'd hide this thread''

Why hide it?

I worked my notice into the end of last month. It is in a hospital so we are key workers. I went back to my other employer only last week when a post came up unexpectedly. Before that I was working in a care home doing caring for a few weeks.

I see what you’re saying, as if I was upset because of issues with a manager at work, the last thing I would want is them to see me visibly upset and crying, you didn’t ask her to tell anyone so she shouldn’t have really gone and told them you were crying imo

This. No idea what your colleagues motives were but I can still see why you upset at management being told and being called into a meeting when you were upset. And to everyone saying, 'management needed to be told'. On the occasions a colleague has been upset at work literally no-one has ever gone to tell management - often management are the cause of the upset so it would be entirely inappropriate to tell them.
Actually, if OP's colleague knew this was the cause of her upset, I agree with OP, her motives were unlikely to have been good.

YANBU OP

So this isn't even recent? Let it go, you've moved on

this isn't Twitter, you're not restricted on characters, just type "management"

misses point of thread

FGS I was friends with this woman for a year, I only left the job a month ago-is it so bloody unreasonable to be still upset about it? It happened last month-not 10 years ago. I'd call last month pretty recent.

IMO this is a great example of why productivity has gone up since working at home has become the norm.

@rawlikesushi

I think I would have told them too. I'd have told them you were in your office upset, either in an accusatory way if I thought they'd behaved badly, or to give them the chance to put it right before you left.

It would have been out of concern.

I don't think anyone would get brownie points for that, you're reading too much into it.

This. I’d probably have told them so that they could have the fact they’d reduced someone to tears sink in and to (hopefully) act a bit more contritely.

I’d have been a bit annoyed myself but I think you’re lashing out at the wrong person here OP

This happened a month ago and you're wittering on the Internet about it now?! You definitely need something else to occupy yourself!

Where I work, you'd let someone higher up know if an employee was crying (unless you knew it wasn't about work). I can't really see what she's done wrong.

''This. I’d probably have told them so that they could have the fact they’d reduced someone to tears sink in and to (hopefully) act a bit more contritely.

I’d have been a bit annoyed myself but I think you’re lashing out at the wrong person here OP''

ok so if you told a colleague who you considered a 'friend' how you were upset over conflict with them etc in CONFIDENCE and they went running back to your boss how would you feel?

Some of the details you've just given on this thread could be a bit outing OP just to be aware...

I somehow don't really believe your version of..anything much really.

''And to everyone saying, 'management needed to be told'. On the occasions a colleague has been upset at work literally no-one has ever gone to tell management - often management are the cause of the upset so it would be entirely inappropriate to tell them. ''

Totally agreed, I've worked since 1991 and have seen lots of colleagues/mates in the workplace e distressed, angry. upset etc over clashes with mgmt. Not for a second would I have ran to mgmt. to report it.