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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she stabbed be me in the back pretending it was concern.

192 replies

getherout34 · 26/07/2020 14:14

I recently left a job last month under bad terms with the management. I had being there a year. Anyway I'm not going to go into the details but within a week I clashed badly over the management on the Monday which escalated to the Wednesday and by the Friday I decided to give in my resignation following another telling off which I didn't agree with from mght.

I was with a colleague I made good mates with [we were both newbies and started together] when I decided to resign and was upset. I emailed by resignation to HR and was in my office and it was the end of the day. I was crying a little but but told her I was ok and wanted to be alone for a bit.

Anyway next I get a call from the mgmt. who want me in their office. I was totally not expecting this and realty didn't want to as I was about to leave and I'd a tear stained face and did not want to see the management[remember it was a mgmt. team I didn't get on with].

They asked me was I ok at the meeting and I sat there like an complete idiot and totally humiliated that they saw me like this. It turns out she'd went down and told them. She hadn't even told me only the boss told me, I said I was fine and left. Now I know people will say she just wanted to check you were ok but after I was really angry at her [although never said] and me and my mate both agreed she was doing it to suck up to the mgmt. and look all caring but it was self serving and she'd no right to do that. AIBU or can anybody see my point?

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 27/07/2020 01:18

Yep you articulated my thoughts brilliantly
Far better than you did.

whiplashy · 27/07/2020 01:24

YABU

glasgow357 · 27/07/2020 01:58

Are you mentally well?

Bl3ss3dm0m · 27/07/2020 03:08

Oh dear. I have read all your posts on this article OP, but not everyone elses. I do have sympathy for you as you are obviously genuinely upset, but yes, there is a but...
Why did you post under AIBU if you didn't want anyone to tell you that they thought you were being unreasonabe?
I understand that you felt/still feel the need to vent, but I am not sure why you still have this need. I am wondering if you don't really have any close friends or family that you can talk about this to, if you don't then I am very sorry about that, but it might explain why your work colleague's supposed betrayal (I cannot make a judgement on that not knowing either of you personally) has hit you so hard.
You need to try to recover from this upset, as it is not doing your health much good, but how? Do you like any sort of aerobic exercise, running, Zumba classes (one of my friends loves kick boxing, and I was amazed when she took it up as I didn't think she was the type - it turns out that there isn't a "type" for, well for anything really!)? If you have never tried yoga maybe join a class and give it a go, it can be a great way of helping one deal with one's emotions, and maybe a place to make friends? A combination of a strenuous exercise plus yoga may be something to think of.
Anyway, good luck OP, and if you want advice or to vent some more, then maybe do so in chat rather than AIBU, but then maybe IABU in suggesting that - it may be no better, but I hope so. Flowers

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 27/07/2020 03:30

You handed your notice in, so what is the point? Move on

chatwoo · 27/07/2020 03:55

I recently left a job last month [...]

So this happened a month ago and you're still trying to post on AIBU about it? I would suggest what's done is done, and time to move on.

notsureofname · 27/07/2020 05:14

With £6.2 million in the bank, I don't think your ex colleague/mate needs to curry favour with anyone. I think you are making things up for dramatic effect if ppl say things you don't like: suggestion that you live at home = parents both dead, should not give up job without having another = last boss asked you to come back and mate possibly not having luxury of being able to leave job is a multi millionaire !

KaptainKaveman · 27/07/2020 07:03

@getherout34

''Do you have another job to go to OP?''

my old employer wanted me back so I went back there luckily.

''Impossible to say if your friend was stirring or had your back but not sure what she had to gain?''

more that that she looked good running into the mgmt and then running in after and seeing was I ok etc? Just being 'concerned' at my expense. I had seen her brown nosing around mgmt. before so she had form for it but it's the fact she was a mate and I'd trusted her. I thought she was being a sneaky mare and humiliated me.

Your language is so ugly and vindictive and yet you claim this person was a 'trusted friend'. How do you speak about your enemies? Shock

Anyway good luck with the job hunting OP.

KaptainKaveman · 27/07/2020 07:06

I think the root of your problem , OP, is envy. The money your colleague inherited. You really resent it, it would seem.

draughtycatflap · 27/07/2020 11:28

I can’t believe you’re wasting your time on here. You could have spent the last month using your skills to drama lama your friend for a couple of million.

ohmygodshedoes · 18/12/2020 09:26

Sorry for posting on a zombie thread. New to mumsnet and I just googled something similar as a colleague of mine went to mgmt. about something another said[we were all shocked] and this thread came up.
OP you are not being unreasonable and I agree that if your colleague was a mate she did not have your best interests at heart-how awful of her. Hope all's well.
I am surprised so many posters here would run to management over a colleague being upset if said colleague was your mate-there's a big difference between a colleague and a colleague who is your friend. I have made a few friends at work who are like family now and we'd never run to mgmt. over each others woes[especially if it was due to conflict with mgmt.] as we understand that what is said between us stays between us.

Ferrari458 · 18/12/2020 09:37

There is no point in posting on a Zombie thread. It's dead.

Batshittery · 19/12/2020 18:47

Your writing style and use of square brackets is identical to the OP. What's the chance of that?

user1473878824 · 19/12/2020 18:59

@ohmygodshedoes hahaha nice try

Lougle · 19/12/2020 19:07

Tell me more about the mgmt.

Chottie · 19/12/2020 19:09

@LemmysAceCard

I have found that people at work are rarely your friends. Some people are very lucky and get to meet people who become good friends, but in my experience people are mostly out for themselves and are happy to stick the knife in to make themselves look good.

Where I work now, a woman started who I thought was nice but soon found out she tells our manager everything that we say.

Where I used to work I became good friends with a woman but she had learnt that raising concerns with managers means your card is marked and you can be seen as a trouble maker. Instead she tried to get me to raise the concerns so my card was marked and she looked innocent.

When something happens people will band together to say how terrible it is and get someone to complain to management then don’t back you up.

I don’t trust anyone I work with. I also keep out of everything and don’t get involved

This times 1,000,000:(
Happylittlethoughts · 19/12/2020 19:55

Absolutely none of her business to interfere and spread news that wasn't hers! Can't believe others would run tattling too!
Definitely doing it for the drama fame

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