To think she stabbed be me in the back pretending it was concern.

[getherout34]

I recently left a job last month under bad terms with the management. I had being there a year. Anyway I'm not going to go into the details but within a week I clashed badly over the management on the Monday which escalated to the Wednesday and by the Friday I decided to give in my resignation following another telling off which I didn't agree with from mght.

I was with a colleague I made good mates with [we were both newbies and started together] when I decided to resign and was upset. I emailed by resignation to HR and was in my office and it was the end of the day. I was crying a little but but told her I was ok and wanted to be alone for a bit.

Anyway next I get a call from the mgmt. who want me in their office. I was totally not expecting this and realty didn't want to as I was about to leave and I'd a tear stained face and did not want to see the management[remember it was a mgmt. team I didn't get on with].

They asked me was I ok at the meeting and I sat there like an complete idiot and totally humiliated that they saw me like this. It turns out she'd went down and told them. She hadn't even told me only the boss told me, I said I was fine and left. Now I know people will say she just wanted to check you were ok but after I was really angry at her [although never said] and me and my mate both agreed she was doing it to suck up to the mgmt. and look all caring but it was self serving and she'd no right to do that. AIBU or can anybody see my point?

I doubt she used her crystal ball in order to see if they would call you in.

She did this out of concern for a friend who was upset. There were no points to be gained. You sound really immature tbh.

@BlueJava

Never tell work "mates" your business. They aren't true friends just a group of people who you happen to work with.

This. Please learn from this experience OP. She may have done what she has done for whatever reason, but you didn't appreciate it. You also do not have to attend any meetings when in distress. Learn how to advocate for yourself, keep relationships strictly professional and don't ever tell anyone anything you don't want to be shared as you never know. I wish you all the best.

''A quick lesson for you to learn for the future might be that sitting in the workplace with a ‘tear-stained face’ and looking for drama will get you nowhere in life.''

I asked to be left alone and did it in front of a 'trusted' friend, it was the end of the day [it was after half 5]and most people had gone home. How was that looking for drama?

Keep work and friendships completely separate is the advice I would give.

I trust nobody at work and some I have worked with for a decade. If someone at work felt they could screw you over in a situation where they had to do it to keep their job, they would. It's called survival and understandable.

''You'd be better pondering on the fact that your tantrums and drama have left you without a job at a time when it won't be easy to find another.''

Where did I say I had a tantrum? Is crying alone in your office at the end of the day 'a tantrum'? Where is the drama either? I clashed with mgmt. over issues I have not disclosed-to me it was workplace bullying but who said anything about drama?

''Now let me guess - do mummy and daddy still finance the roof over your head and your phone and the food on the table??? Because adults don't normally stomp out of jobs until they have one to go to.''

Parents are both dead thanks. x

''So you had a problem with the management and now you have a problem with a colleague expressing concern for your welfare. The common denominator in these issues is you. Rather than striking out against everyone, have you considered that maybe you are actually unreasonable?''

and aren't you now striking out against me? Pot kettle black.

You also do not have to attend any meetings when in distress
Being asked to step into the office to explain why you're sitting in the workplace bawling is not a "meeting" as such, and no, you can't reasonably refuse to do so.

and aren't you now striking out against me? Pot kettle black.
Oh, honestly. You have no idea how you're coming across.

If she wanted to know you were on she should have talked to you.

I hate it when you tell people something and say don't talk to others and then they do over faux concern.

I’ve read the full thread. The most I expect to feel in this context if I were the OP is “oh no, I really appreciate her concern but wish she hadn’t felt the need to look out for me quite so much!”

But selling down river, brownie points, stabbed in back...what the actual fuck?

And for those saying people at work aren’t ever your friends - I’m sorry but that is a matter of context and individual experience. My work mates are a fab local community - from taking DC1 at crack of dawn for me to birth DC2, to celebrating each other’s successes, to handing down clothes and toys for each other’s kids, coming out of lockdown over sandwiches in parks and truly looking out for each other - I’d disagree that work folk cannot be friends.

If I saw a work mate resigning in a sudden fit of upset, then get upset - id totally look to prevent any significant harm and tell someone. And asking you if you are OK is precisely what a good line manager would do. Mine ensured I was okay through maternity leave in lockdown because he knew I had PND 4 years ago and that lockdown with a baby would be hard.

Unless there is a massive backstory I genuinely cannot see what the brownie points back stabbing drama is about.

The lack of empathy from your work colleague and pp is quite staggering. If I had a problem with management that was so bad that I had resigned there is no way that I would want them informed that I was upset. How humiliating would that be and who in their right mind would think this was a reasonable course of action?
YAabsolutelyNBU OP but there's not a lot that can be done about it now although I hope you told your colleague how unhelpful her action was so that she can learn not to do it again.

''If I had a problem with management that was so bad that I had resigned there is no way that I would want them informed that I was upset. How humiliating would that be and who in their right mind would think this was a reasonable course of action?''

well yes because I stood my ground with them, I'd seen them bully several other colleagues who left and I knew what they were like so I asserted myself and that's why I was so angry she went then and told them I was crying. These people[the mgmt.] were not my friends or were not nice people in any sense but I cannot give any info on that as it is too outing.

You have been sacked
And this is your concern?

Ah you’ve resigned
Although I suspect that it was resign or be sacked

Yea I resigned but what you suspect isn't true but suppose you know everything yea?

Being asked to step into the office to explain why you're sitting in the workplace bawling is not a "meeting" as such, and no, you can't reasonably refuse to do so.

Of course you can if you've already resigned. What are they going to do? I would have said I needed to get home immediately so it would have to be next week.

MN love a pile-on where they get to accuse people of being immature, drama queen, tantrumming, etc.

IMO, if your colleague knew you were upset due to management, then she was throwing you under the bus to look like a team player. If she didn’t know, then maybe it was genuine concern.

Do you have another job to go to OP?
I'd focus your energies on that if I were you.
I didnt entirely understand your first post but it doesnt sound like anyone has behaved well here.
There is simply no point in 'disagreeing with management'! Rarely ends well, been there.
Impossible to say if your friend was stirring or had your back but not sure what she had to gain?
Hope you find a new job soon.

YANBU, she is no friend. I wouldn't want my enemies/ people I detest enough to resign from a job to see me all vulnerable, tear strained face etc. Thankfully you don't have to spend time with her again.

Two colleagues who were supposedly best friends bith applied for a management role in house. One colleague made it known that she was applying for it , other colleague said nothing. Colleague 1 announces she is to be interviewed, colleague 2 says nothing. After interviews, colleague 2 gets the job. Colleague 1 so heartbroken that colleague 2 kept it a secret. Friendship strained. Now colleague 2 being shitty manager to colleague 1.

What a load of drama.

She had known you for just a week, correct?

At you we’re both at work during that time and presumably no socialising during the week you knew her.

And she’s started a new job herself.

I think you were expecting too much.

She’s in a new job and she went to management with a legitimate concern regarding someone she hardly knew.

I dont think she did anything wrong. If I was your forned I would have gone in and said to management about the impact they had caused. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Management treated you like crap and you had the correct emotional response

''Do you have another job to go to OP?''

my old employer wanted me back so I went back there luckily.

''Impossible to say if your friend was stirring or had your back but not sure what she had to gain?''

more that that she looked good running into the mgmt and then running in after and seeing was I ok etc? Just being 'concerned' at my expense. I had seen her brown nosing around mgmt. before so she had form for it but it's the fact she was a mate and I'd trusted her. I thought she was being a sneaky mare and humiliated me.

I can see why your old employer wants you back. It's clearer with every post.

Exactly and what irked me was that if I confronted her she'd use the whole ''oh I just wanted to see you were ok'' bollox when she was looking for brownie points. I even told 2 other mates who said she was trying to help me but I thought she was doing it for her own benefit and went right off her.

A lot of speculation about someone you had worked with for a matter of days