Do you mind if I smoke?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We were in a pub the other day, big outdoor seating area which was covered over. People eating lunch (we weren't eating). Me & husband only.

Woman on next table says (just to me): 'excuse me, do you mind if I smoke?' So I just kinda shrugged, because I did mind but I didn't really want to say so. But she pushes it and says 'what does that mean?' So I replied well it's an outdoor area so I can't stop you but do I like smoke? No.

She kind of finished her drink and went off in a huff very quickly so I felt bad. But it seemed like there was only one acceptable answer to her question.

What would you have said in that scenario?

She asked so it's reasonable to say that you do mind.

'Honestly I'd prefer it if you didn't... But if you must...'
Its taken me a long time to get to stage when wouldn't just say 'go ahead'

I hate smoke but given you were sitting outside, you weren't eating, she didn't have to ask but did anyway - I wouldn't have shrugged at her. I think it was quite rude.

Nobody who doesn't smoke likes smoking. In fact many smokers don't like smoking.

But she was giving you an opportunity to say if there was a bigger reason; pregnant, asthmatic etc.

I really would have been more gracious about it if I was you as I would appreciate the fact that she checked.

She took on board your objection to smoking and moved elsewhere.

Shrugging is passive aggressive.

Own it and either say yes or no. Don’t give a half answer which clearly says you do mind.

I wouldn't have minded

I get why OP reacted in that way. For the person to ask “do you mind” she probably was in close contact hence why she asked let’s face it to say NO is a bit awkward. The smoker should of moved out of the way to one side to smoke it’s common curtesy really.

And for the woman to push it and say what does that mean. She sure had confidence.

I think when someone does you the courtesy of asking you should reply properly, shrugging is rude.

& I'd have said 'Thank you for asking, I appreciate it, I would much rather you didn't''

As for accusing her of going off in a huff 🙄🙄🙄I'm assuming she just went elsewhere to smoke.

'Yes, I find the smoke/vape makes me nauseous'

I think I would of said ‘I prefer if you didn’t.’ You said it was a covered area so even though outside I find that the smoke still lingers and I don’t like it.
From the way your post is phrased it sounds like she was more asking to appear polite and was expecting you to say no go ahead, as I think most people say that even if they do mind. Could be wrong but that is how it reads but without being there cannot know of this is true.

I have a bad chest. I prefer if people don't smoke near me.

I was asked this question directly by a pleasant man who was sitting next to me by the pool on holiday. I had been bothered by second hand smoke drifting my way all week so gathered my courage and said “To be quite honest - yes I do mind if you smoke”. He was gracious about it and moved away to light up. There were several pools on the 5* complex and not one of them was designated a no-smoker. Being subject to other people smoking really marred our enjoyment and is the only reason we won’t return to that hotel. I mentioned this in reception and in their survey but was told with a shrug “this is Spain”.

Well she asked and didn't get the answer she wanted.
Perhaps shrugging was rude but she put you on the spot and it isn't very british to be honest and say no to people.
I think I would have been the same OP.

The shrug was because I was taken aback and didn't know what to say. I don't particularly like confrontation with strangers. There was a family behind her who were eating, and she didn't ask them. I felt like she had asked me as I looked the most likely not to object.

Anyone who thinks it is acceptable to smoke while other are eating in the vacinity are selfish entitled twats as far as I am concerned.

I think the days when it was OK to smoke around others - inside or out are well and truly behind us.

We used to make excuses, such as not when eating, and it's OK outside, just to appease smokers who couldn't wait until they got home to have a cigarette.

Smoking is a vile habit. Whether outside or not, your smoke still affects others. It is dangerous and makes you smell terrible.

It's about time we went for a full on ban but as we all know the government make far too much money from the tax.

If it happens again, I would just have said - politely and nicely "yes, I do. Thanks you for asking - really appreciate you being so considerate". Or something like that.

Bloody hell, she was polite enough to ask and then walked away for her fag.
What more do you want?
She could have just lit up

A yes or no answer would have done.

I think you should have just answered her.

In an ideal world, where I wasfaultlessly polite and diplomatic, I wouldn't have shrugged, as it probably looked sulky and passive aggressive. It's hard when you're taken off guard though!

In my dreams, I'd have politely and in a friendly way said, "actually, yes, I'm not keen on smoke, so would you mind not smoking here please"? In reality I'd have probably said go for it, finished my drink and left, but then thought "why the hell did I do that?" later .

Most pubs indicate clearly where it's allowed, if there's no ashtray assume you can't smoke undercover

I wished this had happened to me yesterday. I was sat outside in a pub/restaurant garden trying to enjoy a meal with a friend and we were literally surrounded by people smoking and vaping. It was disgusting. Now we are all trying to use outside spaces more in pubs and restaurants I think they should ban smoking anywhere there is food.

And whilst I am having a rant I actually saw a man in Sainsbury's this week vaping. He was like a naughty child and kept secretly having a puff but you could see the smoke and smell it! Bloody idiot 😡

I smoke sometimes when I'm out having a drink and I ALWAYS move away from others. Why would I think it's ok? It's rude to ask in my opinion because you're pressuring others.

Better to skulk in a corner safe in the knowledge nobody's offended or upsed.