Do you mind if I smoke?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We were in a pub the other day, big outdoor seating area which was covered over. People eating lunch (we weren't eating). Me & husband only.

Woman on next table says (just to me): 'excuse me, do you mind if I smoke?' So I just kinda shrugged, because I did mind but I didn't really want to say so. But she pushes it and says 'what does that mean?' So I replied well it's an outdoor area so I can't stop you but do I like smoke? No.

She kind of finished her drink and went off in a huff very quickly so I felt bad. But it seemed like there was only one acceptable answer to her question.

What would you have said in that scenario?

[quote RandyLionandDirtyDog]@Alsohuman

As soon as the sun comes out they start complaining about smoking in perfectly legal places. It’s exactly the same with people hysterical about dogs. Summer arrives and they all start whinging about off lead dogs in places where they’re walked 365 days a year.

The entitlement of people thinking the whole world revolves round them seems never ending

Oh the irony!! [/quote]
There’s no irony at all. I expect to share my space, not eject people whose perfectly legal behaviour offends me.

It’s completely unreasonable to expect people who use a space 365 days a year to vacate it because you want exclusive use when the sun shines.

Wondered when this nonsense was going to be trotted out. Non smokers sometimes thought twice about going to venues back in the day not because they are boring non drinking tight sods but because the trade off was stinking hair, stinking clothes, stinging eyes and a general unhealthy atmosphere.

This ^^
I started going back to the pub after the smoking ban. It had got to the point where I didn't want to wear anything nice because my clothes would just stink of smoke.

You were fine Op. As you said, she probably asked you because she thought you'd say it was fine. At least she asked. In my experience, smokers often don't.

I did wonder how smokers and nonsmokers would cope now that everyone is outside. People who smoke when others nearby are eating are very rude IMHO.

'It’s completely unreasonable to expect people who use a space 365 days a year to vacate it because you want exclusive use when the sun shines.'

It isn't unreasonable. Everyone should be able to enjoy sitting in the sun without clouds of smoke billowing about. If you choose to sit outside in the wind and the rain in winter then crack on.

Smokers really do not want to accept that yes it is legal, but it is incredibly antisocial and unpleasant for non smokers

I'll ask again, why not just do it at home, can you not go a couple of hours without a fag? Try patches or vaping maybe.

Non smokers sometimes thought twice about going to venues back in the day not because they are boring non drinking tight sods but because the trade off was stinking hair, stinking clothes, stinging eyes and a general unhealthy atmosphere.

So we all thought, but the smokers still outspend is in the pubs even now they’ve been banished outside. So they have consumer power in that sector.

Smokers really do not want to accept that yes it is legal, but it is incredibly antisocial and unpleasant for non smokers

I think most smokers accept that - I don’t smoke, by the way. There are many things that are legal which other people don’t like. The people who don’t like those things just have to suck it up or campaign for them to be illegal.

Shrugging at her was rude. Maybe that is why she went off in a huff. You didn’t give her a straight answer. You are not at all unreasonable not to want smoking near you. You were unreasonable in your response to what appears to have been a quite gracious question.

'It’s completely unreasonable to expect people who use a space 365 days a year to vacate it because you want exclusive use when the sun shines.'

It was actually pissing it down but we weren't allowed to sit indoors as we weren't eating!

Smoking is rude, wherever you do it and whoever you ask, unless you are in your own house/garden. Because it is always horrible for everyone else. I had leaving buildings through the thicket of smokers outside, having to go through their stinky smoke - and it triggers my daughter's asthma.

Don't smoke. If you really can't stop smoking, don't smoke in public. It is rude and invasive.

@Alsohuman I only smoke when I'm on holiday. I'll soon be in Malaga sitting outside with a coffee having a cigarette.

No one gives you filthy looks or feigns a coughing fit when it reality you are nowhere near them 😊

banished

Christ, they have been asked to smoke outside, not sent to Siberia.

It's funny though that people who are happy to sit by the fire pit or bbq then get so very offended by someone smoking outdoors?

She was trying to be considerate to your feelings and needs and instead of just having a spine and answering her directly you were passive aggressive.

You should have just said yes I do mind!!

[quote Chesneyhawkes1]@Alsohuman I only smoke when I'm on holiday. I'll soon be in Malaga sitting outside with a coffee having a cigarette.

No one gives you filthy looks or feigns a coughing fit when it reality you are nowhere near them 😊

[/quote]
I know. It must be absolute bliss for smokers when they go on holiday. Cheap fags as well. 😀

To that I would reply “Do you want me to shit in your lap?”

I sit away from smokers, yet the place can be empty & some cunt will still sit right by me & light up.

It's funny though that people who are happy to sit by the fire pit or bbq then get so very offended by someone smoking outdoors?

Fire pits once settled dont give off excessive smoke. Smoke from food on a BBQ generally smells quite nice.

Not sure why you chose such a false equivalence.

It's funny though that people who are happy to sit by the fire pit or bbq then get so very offended by someone smoking outdoors?

Completely different smell and experience.

This reminds me of a meal out I had last week. I ordered burger and chips, but the waiter brought the chips with the starter. He asked me if I minded, or if I'd prefer them with my burger.

I said I'd prefer them with the burger - all perfectly polite, but as he stood there holding them in front of my face I rather suspect he was hoping I'd just say it was fine to have them straight away. (Fwiw this place clearly marketed itself as a semi-posh restaurant, not a cheap caff or fast-food joint.)

She was trying to be considerate to your feelings and needs and instead of just having a spine and answering her directly you were passive aggressive.

Of course nobody really knows, but I rather suspect she was going through the motions in order to appear polite. If she was really considerate, she could easily have moved rather than putting the OP on the spot.

I would have said that I didn't mind. Because I don't. But that doesn't help your situation

@amusedtodeath1

It's funny though that people who are happy to sit by the fire pit or bbq then get so very offended by someone smoking outdoors?

It's funny that people can be so completely disingenuous.

I would have said no, it's fine, unless I actually wanted to insist she couldn't smoke.

I would be grateful to her for giving us the choice! “I’d rather you didn’t, thank you”

DH and I hate the smell of cigarettes so it’d spoil our time there and we’d leave. Absolutely nothing personal, we all have “bad habits” (hello, alcohol) but cigarette smoke is hard to ignore if someone is sat next to you puffing away.

Loads of people wouldn’t bother to ask

It's funny that people can be so completely disingenuous

It’s funny how some people can be so illogical 🤷‍♀️