Do you mind if I smoke?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We were in a pub the other day, big outdoor seating area which was covered over. People eating lunch (we weren't eating). Me & husband only.

Woman on next table says (just to me): 'excuse me, do you mind if I smoke?' So I just kinda shrugged, because I did mind but I didn't really want to say so. But she pushes it and says 'what does that mean?' So I replied well it's an outdoor area so I can't stop you but do I like smoke? No.

She kind of finished her drink and went off in a huff very quickly so I felt bad. But it seemed like there was only one acceptable answer to her question.

What would you have said in that scenario?

OP:

1. smoking in designated areas is not illegal
2. "big outdoor seating area"
3. "we weren't eating"
4. The woman at the next table asked you a direct question and you "just shrugged"
5. you post a message on an open forum
6. you expect people to tell you that you are (were) right
7. Are you, OP, prepared to pick up the tax deficit if the government banned tobacco consume completey?

Well to be fair a lot of posters have agreed with me! I suspect the rest are smokers.

'Are you, OP, prepared to pick up the tax deficit if the government banned tobacco consume completey?'

For me that would depend. Do they pay more tax than they have spent on them in NHS treatment for smoking related illness? if so I wouldn't ban smoking totally, just in all public places.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Well to be fair a lot of posters have agreed with me! I suspect the rest are smokers.

Nope, haven’t smoked for eight years.

Shrugging doesn't mean anything and was very rude of you. Why didn't you have the manners to say that you did mind? You are a coward.

I bloody hate smoking and vaping and the assumption that because it isn’t allowed inside that it is OK everywhere outside. It shouldn’t be that inside belongs to the non smokers and outside to the smokers.

the assumption that because it isn’t allowed inside that it is OK everywhere outside.

It's not an assumption, it's the law unless otherwise stated (like playgrounds, school grounds,hospitals etc).

Icequeen vaping does not produce smoke, it produces vapour. You may not like the smell, but it is harmless.

Shrugging doesn't mean anything and was very rude of you. Why didn't you have the manners to say that you did mind? You are a coward.

If I was a coward I would have said 'no go ahead' when pushed, surely?

I just don't like to create an atmosphere when I'm trying to enjoy a quiet drink.

I just don't like to create an atmosphere when I'm trying to enjoy a quiet drink.

But, by shrugging you did. A shrug is not an answer. DD does this sometimes, and it is infuriating.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Shrugging doesn't mean anything and was very rude of you. Why didn't you have the manners to say that you did mind? You are a coward.

If I was a coward I would have said 'no go ahead' when pushed, surely?

I just don't like to create an atmosphere when I'm trying to enjoy a quiet drink.

And yet you did ...

OP’s instant reaction is understandable not rude. Very easy to come on here spouting your perfect retort but different when you’re put on the spot.

@Alsohuman and yet I did what?! Created an atmosphere? By saying (when pushed) actually I do mind but technically I can't stop you?? Err, ok then!

Exactly - when pushed. Just say you mind in the first place. It’s not difficult.

I doubt that 99% of you would have the perfect retort ready when put on the spot. She asked me because I looked the least likely to object, rather than the family eating their lunch behind her. I was taken aback, as most of you would have been.

Not exactly the same, but the other day a man took the ash tray off our table, half stubbed it out and then put it back on our table, with it still smoking

I would have (and have done) put it in the smoker's hand and told them to take it away.

I think the takeaway from this is that people really need to grow a backbone. If someone says "do you mind if i smoke?" and you do, say "yes, I'd rather you didn't"

She asked me because I looked the least likely to object

That is your assumption, based on the fact that YOU know you don't like confrontation. She had no idea.

It's my assumption based on the fact that we weren't eating, and we didn't have kids with us.

OP’s instant reaction is understandable not rude. Very easy to come on here spouting your perfect retort but different when you’re put on the spot

This is MN, there are no end of people with a raft of pithy one liner retorts for every encounter or scenario at their disposal. It would seem as well these very same folk are always confident, articulate and able to verbally dance around any person displaying anti social or belligerent behaviour.

I'm a smoker, if I was outside in a smoking area but people were eating around me, I wouldn't smoke. If, however, people around me were just having drinks I would smoke and I wouldn't ask their permission. If it's a designated smoking area and you hate smoke, don't sit there.

If there's an ashtray on the table outside already, smoking is ok. Unless you can see a table of people eating or children really close. If I'm sitting in a beer garden and plan to be smoking I leave my cigarettes clearly on the table. If you choose to sit at the next table, I'll still be having the odd cigarette.
If it's clearly an outdoor dining area rather than a beer garden and there's no ashtrays on the tables , I'll pop away to one side and give plenty space.

I hate it when I'm sitting minding my own business in a beer garden having a wee smoke and the waiter comes along and plonks a plate of stinky greasy food on the table next to me. Why can't the greedy fuckers just eat their dinner at home ffs?

What would you have said in that scenario?

"Thank you for asking; I'd prefer if you didn't smoke next to me."

If there's an ashtray on the table outside already, smoking is ok. Unless you can see a table of people eating or children really close. If I'm sitting in a beer garden and plan to be smoking I leave my cigarettes clearly on the table. If you choose to sit at the next table, I'll still be having the odd cigarette.
If it's clearly an outdoor dining area rather than a beer garden and there's no ashtrays on the tables , I'll pop away to one side and give plenty space.

Ah but I didn't choose to sit next to her, she sat down after us. And there was a family eating their lunch directly behind her, as I've said a few times.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

*If there's an ashtray on the table outside already, smoking is ok. Unless you can see a table of people eating or children really close. If I'm sitting in a beer garden and plan to be smoking I leave my cigarettes clearly on the table. If you choose to sit at the next table, I'll still be having the odd cigarette. If it's clearly an outdoor dining area rather than a beer garden and there's no ashtrays on the tables , I'll pop away to one side and give plenty space.*

Ah but I didn't choose to sit next to her, she sat down after us. And there was a family eating their lunch directly behind her, as I've said a few times.

I've just pretty much agreed with you! Don't spoil for a fight, OP