Do you mind if I smoke?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We were in a pub the other day, big outdoor seating area which was covered over. People eating lunch (we weren't eating). Me & husband only.

Woman on next table says (just to me): 'excuse me, do you mind if I smoke?' So I just kinda shrugged, because I did mind but I didn't really want to say so. But she pushes it and says 'what does that mean?' So I replied well it's an outdoor area so I can't stop you but do I like smoke? No.

She kind of finished her drink and went off in a huff very quickly so I felt bad. But it seemed like there was only one acceptable answer to her question.

What would you have said in that scenario?

You say: "Yes, I DO mind"

She bloody asked- she should expect an honest answer shouldn't she? I am SO fcking sick of smokers getting huffy about this shit. Smoke is revolting- it makes your clothes stink, it makes some people cough and irritates their asthma, its incredibly selfish and entitled to think you have a right to puff vile carcinogenic smoke into anyone's space.

Oh, and smokers always smell. They swear blind you cant smell it but you ALWAYS can. Their clothes, their skin- all smell of tobacco.

What would you have said in that scenario?

"Not at all, I'm about to have one myself."

Same as you op.Only one answer really.

It’s easy to say what you would have said but when you’re not expecting that question I think I shrug is likely as op was conflicted, of course she minds but was surprised to be asked.

It’s putting a lot of pressure on you to be ok with it because it’s hard to say yes I mind. Her reaction to get huffy also shows her asking was pointless because it’s clear only one response was “acceptable” to her anyway!

Smoking is such a revolting smelly habit. Yellow hair, yellow fingers, tobacco breath etc

shudder 🤢

She was extremely polite -you weren't.She obviously cared that she wasn't going to bug you. Maybe you were smokers and didn't mind.

You could of said "Thank you for asking. But smoke really bothers me though -" not shrug.

I would have said yes I do mind.
Smokers and vapers should go and stand somewhere away from people. A special spot with a bin is often provided.
As someone who grew up with parents smoking 20 + a day I despise smoking. Our ceiling was yellow from nicotine and I must have reeked of smoke at school.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

You say: "Yes, I DO mind"

She bloody asked- she should expect an honest answer shouldn't she? I am SO fcking sick of smokers getting huffy about this shit. Smoke is revolting- it makes your clothes stink, it makes some people cough and irritates their asthma, its incredibly selfish and entitled to think you have a right to puff vile carcinogenic smoke into anyone's space.

Oh, and smokers always smell. They swear blind you cant smell it but you ALWAYS can. Their clothes, their skin- all smell of tobacco.

Oh God yes. Smokers that I know -I don't know many -as most of my friends don't smoke -it's like it reeky out of their skin. They think that because they have perfume, scrubbed hands and brushed teeth that -they don't stink. But they do.

Makes me laugh that it’s totally off to smoke when others are eating but it’s ok if they’re just drinking. WTH?

I always think clarity causes less offence.

Yes, I do mind. Thank you for asking.

I did actually add 'thanks for asking' after she had pushed me for an answer. I really wasn't rude to her.

It's awkward. It's like when the neighbours knock on your door and say, "Just letting you know I'll be having a very loud party tonight that will keep you awake until 4 AM". You know they'd get in a huff if you asked them not to.

& I'd have said 'Thank you for asking, I appreciate it, I would much rather you didn't''

So would I.

Now we are all trying to use outside spaces more in pubs and restaurants I think they should ban smoking anywhere there is food.

I agree. These places are struggling to get their custom back. The last thing they need is people refusing to eat there because of smokers.

" I would prefer if you smoked away from us, Thank you"

I'm an ex smoker and would have minded not because I would want one but because I realise now that it stinkkkkkssss.

This is such a non event you were a bit rude to shrug, she wasn’t sure what that meant so she checked, you said you did mind so she moved away to smoke. She probably didn’t ‘go off in a huff’ it’s much more likely that she was dying for a smoke so rushed her drunk to get on with that 😂

She didn’t have to ask. She asked, moved away to smoke and you’re still not happy. There’s absolutely no pleasing some people.

I don't think there's any way that shrugging as a response is not rude. I wonder if she was 'in a huff' it was because of that rather than the fact that you did mind?

I only posted because I was interested to hear what others would have said. I felt awkward and put on the spot. I didn't come on for a moan.

The answer I would have give was do you mind if I fart!.

@Voyager54 I’d have said I’d prefer if you didn’t but thanks for asking!!

MN: I’d have had a perfectly composed answer ready for any unexpected question a stranger may ask me.
REAL LIFE: Shrug and mumble.

Exactly @lilgreen!!

I'd have said "Yes, please don't. Thanks for asking."

I don't think she was particularly polite for asking. It's 2020 and most people don't like cigarette smoke which I'm sure she knows. I think being outside is irrelevant in a pub setting if there's seating arranged in the same way it would be indoors. She would have just got up and gone somewhere round the corner away from people in the first place if she really had any manners.