Do you mind if I smoke?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We were in a pub the other day, big outdoor seating area which was covered over. People eating lunch (we weren't eating). Me & husband only.

Woman on next table says (just to me): 'excuse me, do you mind if I smoke?' So I just kinda shrugged, because I did mind but I didn't really want to say so. But she pushes it and says 'what does that mean?' So I replied well it's an outdoor area so I can't stop you but do I like smoke? No.

She kind of finished her drink and went off in a huff very quickly so I felt bad. But it seemed like there was only one acceptable answer to her question.

What would you have said in that scenario?

I can understand what OP means by "confrontation" as it can feel awkward or confrontational to say "yes I do mind".

@ArriettyJones

Smokers please know the answer is always yes, non smokers mind if you smoke. Do it in or around your home, not in public places.

Speak for yourself. I’m okay with smokers smoking most of the time, particularly outside, especially if they are polite enough to ask or give me warning. The only hard exception is people smoking near children:

Ok. Smokers please know the answer is usually yes, most infact every non smoker I've ever come across mind if you smoke near them in public places.

If you ask, you are actually asking if they will say 'yes I mind' and risk feeling awkward for the rest of their visit.

Why do it in a beer gardens? Just shuffle off to the little bus stop style smoker areas and do it there if you must.

Why do it in a beer gardens? Just shuffle off to the little bus stop style smoker areas and do it there if you must.

Because the publicans and the breweries are far keener to court the lucrative business of smokers than us boring non-smokers who rock up once a month for a pub lunch and two halves? It seems fair that the smokers should be left some small territory and beer gardens makes sense.

@ArriettyJones yes you can decide your own boundaries but on a wider discussion level, the dangers of second hand smoke still stands, whether this is an issue to your or not. it probably should be.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

I think she had a cheek to ask really. Smokers know they should be in a designated area well away from other people. We know we are unclean.

Like the pub garden, the established and legal place for smoking?

Effectively, a non smoker had entered the smoking area and expected smokers in the designated smoking area to not smoke. She was being more considerate in asking first, as she knew she was entitled to spark up right there, and then moved when the OP got around to actually saying what she meant. Which she didn't have to do. Because it's the legal smoking area.

I mentioned this in reception and in their survey but was told with a shrug “this is Spain”

Of course that was the response you got. Most Mediterranean countries take a much more proportionate approach to smoking. Like Covid, second hand smoke is of little risk outside so any outdoor area is fine. When in Rome - or Malaga ...

'like the pub garden, the established and legal place for smoking?'

It's different now, everyone want to sit outside and many places only have outside seating areas because of, you know, the pandemic.

Smoking is anti social. The stink does not conveniently stay in a little area around the smoker. Everyone smells it, non smokers don't want to.

It will become illegal in all public places one day and it can't come soon enough.

Smokers please know the answer is always yes, non smokers mind if you smoke. Do it in or around your home, not in public places.

I don't mind. And smokers are allowed to smoke in outside public places. So, unless the law changes, they can continue to do so.

I spent a couple of days in another European country earlier this week. Went to a few outdoor cafes. So lovely to be able to sit and smoke a cigarette without all the passive aggressive looks, fake coughs and dramatic arm waving you get in the UK. I just roll my eyes when people act that way. You’re lucky she asked OP. Dependant on the layout I might have moved or I might have just lit up. I wouldn’t have asked you.

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'like the pub garden, the established and legal place for smoking?'

It's different now, everyone want to sit outside and many places only have outside seating areas because of, you know, the pandemic.

Smoking is anti social. The stink does not conveniently stay in a little area around the smoker. Everyone smells it, non smokers don't want to.

It will become illegal in all public places one day and it can't come soon enough.

It’s not different now. This nonsense starts every bloody summer and has since 2007. Non smokers don’t give a rat’s arse where smokers smoke in the winter when it’s cold, wet and deeply unpleasant. As soon as the sun comes out they start complaining about smoking in perfectly legal places.

It’s exactly the same with people hysterical about dogs. Summer arrives and they all start whinging about off lead dogs in places where they’re walked 365 days a year. They don’t go anywhere near those places in the winter.

The entitlement of people thinking the whole world revolves round them seems never ending.

So just to clarify, we weren't allowed to sit inside as that area was reserved for people who were eating. There were also people who were eating outside as overflow, but inside was prioritised for diners. So we couldn't have sat inside even if we'd wanted to.

Also, there was a family with children, all eating, behind her. Why ask me? Because I looked like the path of least resistance, that's why. Same woman was eating her own sandwich out of her bag despite signs everywhere saying not to eat your own food. Bit cheeky if you ask me.

And as a side point, I find the view that it's only smokers who spend big in pubs interesting. I've never smoked in my life but I'm in the pub every week because I like the pub atmosphere. At least I did before it got all weird.

But I think if I'm asked the same question again I will be clear and say I do mind. (And then feel awkward for the rest of my visit, no doubt).

She was polite to ask your 'permission' and you were rude to shrug. You should feel bad.

I’d have been the same as you op. I hate the smell of smoking, it ruins beer gardens, I find being asked if I mind a rhetorical question as the person asking is obviously expecting a no answer, not many people want the confrontation of admitting they do mind. Smoking around others is rude, and especially so in areas where people are eating.

A shrug is a pretty rude way to respond to a pretty reasonable question.

You could have just said you did mind and thanked her for asking. Most wouldn't.

@Alsohuman

As soon as the sun comes out they start complaining about smoking in perfectly legal places. It’s exactly the same with people hysterical about dogs. Summer arrives and they all start whinging about off lead dogs in places where they’re walked 365 days a year.

The entitlement of people thinking the whole world revolves round them seems never ending

Oh the irony!!

I find being asked if I mind a rhetorical question as the person asking is obviously expecting a no answer, not many people want the confrontation of admitting they do mind

Of course it isn't rhetorical. It wouldn't bother me as long as DD wasn't there. Not everybody has a problem with it, it's reasonable to ask.

'This nonsense starts every bloody summer and has since 2007. Non smokers don’t give a rat’s arse where smokers smoke in the winter when it’s cold, wet and deeply unpleasant. As soon as the sun comes out they start complaining about smoking in perfectly legal places.'

Of course no one gives a rat's ass where smokers smoke in winter, they aren't sat right next to them.

Public outdoor spaces should be smoke free. It was commonplace 20years for smokers to be in indoor public places, that thankfully changed.

Smokers why don't you just smoke in your house or front garden/doorstep? Why the need to blow smoke around non smokers? I get it's an addiction but even so. A couple of hours without a fag isn't too hard surely.

@MintyMabel okay not strictly rhetorical but the majority people won’t say they do mind to avoid an awkward situation.

@user1471466920

I'd love to see the figures you have to back that up. Or are you just projecting your own awkwardness on to "the majority"?

If it is a polite request, there's nothing awkward about it.

I have only ever had one person ask me and that was in a beer garden with my baby dc and my then partner. I thought it was very considerate and because of my dc I did mind, so when he asked if I preferred he moved tables I said "thank you, actually if you wouldn't mind, that would be great".

If he just lit up though, we would have just left, as it was an outdoor area and it was our choice to sit out with our baby, so if we didn't like the smoke, then it would have been up to us to leave.

I do think a shrug can be seen as passive aggressive, as pp have said, but I suspect you were just feeling awkward, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

It's definitely becoming an increasing social dilemma.

I don't know what I'd say now tbh.

Not exactly the same, but the other day a man took the ash tray off our table, half stubbed it out and then put it back on our table, with it still smoking That pissed me off.

To be clear to smokers on this thread. No non-smokers like the smell and we don't like smelling your smoke while we sit outside. We particularly don't like it sitting close together outside a coffee shop. We don't like the look or smell of ashtrays. But it isn't illegal and you'll do it anyway. Smokers suck the joy out of sitting outside in public places.

@DianaT1969

To be clear to smokers on this thread. No non-smokers like the smell and we don't like smelling your smoke while we sit outside. We particularly don't like it sitting close together outside a coffee shop. We don't like the look or smell of ashtrays. But it isn't illegal and you'll do it anyway. Smokers suck the joy out of sitting outside in public places.

No shit, Sherlock.

It's still not illegal, though, as you say. And people objecting to legal behaviour also suck the joy out of sitting outside in public spaces.

[quote user1471466920]@MintyMabel okay not strictly rhetorical but the majority people won’t say they do mind to avoid an awkward situation.[/quote]
Of course this is true for the majority. If I've gone out for lunch, the lesser of two negative outcomes is to just put up with the smoke. But 9 times out of ten if you do assert yourself, it will result in bad feeling. Either they will think ''fuck you'' and smoke anyway or they'll react like you asked them for their last pint of blood asking them not to smoke.

You must realise smokers are often the bread and butter for pubs, pubs need people's custom, particularly with covid and smokers are huge spenders when it comes to alcohol consumption in pubs too.

Wondered when this nonsense was going to be trotted out. Non smokers sometimes thought twice about going to venues back in the day not because they are boring non drinking tight sods but because the trade off was stinking hair, stinking clothes, stinging eyes and a general unhealthy atmosphere. A boozer near me brought in a smoking ban a year before the government did and it was rammed from day one.

If I ask is because I want an answer. If you say yes I'll move or not light up. If you say no then I go ahead.

If you're that bothered it's your responsibility to tell me what you want/need. I'm not a mind reader.