Do you mind if I smoke?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

We were in a pub the other day, big outdoor seating area which was covered over. People eating lunch (we weren't eating). Me & husband only.

Woman on next table says (just to me): 'excuse me, do you mind if I smoke?' So I just kinda shrugged, because I did mind but I didn't really want to say so. But she pushes it and says 'what does that mean?' So I replied well it's an outdoor area so I can't stop you but do I like smoke? No.

She kind of finished her drink and went off in a huff very quickly so I felt bad. But it seemed like there was only one acceptable answer to her question.

What would you have said in that scenario?

I would probably have lied and said "Actually I'm asthmatic so if you wouldn't mind I would really rather you didn't".

In an outside eating area (which is what it sounds like this is) I think smoking is very unreasonable and I'm surprised the cafe or restaurant allows it.

Asking is the opposite of polite - smoker knows many people will feel unable to say no, therefore they get to undertake their anti social behaviour AND have it condoned.

I smoke but I would never do it if there were people around me eating or if there were kids there. If I’m sitting there smoking and people come and sit next to me that’s their choice.

I think she had a cheek to ask really. Smokers know they should be in a designated area well away from other people. We know we are unclean.

@Maryhadalittlejam

Bloody hell, she was polite enough to ask and then walked away for her fag. What more do you want? She could have just lit up

This.

Asking is the opposite of polite - smoker knows many people will feel unable to say no, therefore they get to undertake their anti social behaviour AND have it condoned

I agree 💯

@Russellbrandshair

Asking is the opposite of polite - smoker knows many people will feel unable to say no, therefore they get to undertake their anti social behaviour AND have it condoned

I agree 💯

Wtf? The alternative would be to just light up - you’d prefer that? The tobacco fascists get more ridiculous all the time.

I reply ''I'd prefer there was no smoke'' but the person who asks often is only paying lip service to asking. They will take offence at your answer. Or they will make a point of going ahead of smoking anyway. I think it's passive aggressive to ask this question because if you're asking, it's because you really know you shouldn't, but you still want to, even though there are other people around.

@Russellbrandshair

Asking is the opposite of polite - smoker knows many people will feel unable to say no, therefore they get to undertake their anti social behaviour AND have it condoned

I agree 💯

'true. Because if you say ''yes I do mind'' suddenly in the middle of your evening minding your own business, you became the confrontational one. Not fair, but this is how it plays out.

Due to new smoking rules we all know people should be staying away from others when they smoke. It’s the decent thing to do.
Why ask? Why not just respect others and go off to smoke your cancer stick away from others?
If I needed to a wee, I wouldn’t ask someone “hey is it ok if I just wee over there in that corner? I’d respect the fact that no one wants to see that and go off to the toilet. It’s the same principle.

God i miss the good old days.

I don't particularly like confrontation with strangers.

That’s not her problem. She asked if you would mind if she lit a cigarette, she didn’t pass judgment on your first born. It’s not confrontation to say “I’d rather you didn’t”.

Also anti tobacco brigade you fought to get us out of pubs and now you want us to go away from the pub to smoke as well how about you get a bloody life

Asking is the opposite of polite - smoker knows many people will feel unable to say no, therefore they get to undertake their anti social behaviour AND have it condoned

Oh come on, really? “Many people” won’t feel able to give a straight answer to a straight question? I doubt it. IME most adults are quite good at being adults and behaving normally. It’s really niche behaviour to freak out and talk bollocks because someone asks you a polite question. If that’s you, you need therapy of some sort. It’s no way to live.

@Harrysmum2020

Also anti tobacco brigade you fought to get us out of pubs and now you want us to go away from the pub to smoke as well how about you get a bloody life

Completely agree with you and I don't smoke It's bloody ridiculous, if I sit outside I expect there to be smokers

Wherever I can legally smoke I will light up.
Whether someone likes it or not.
Call me all the names you want. If you don't like it, you have the option of shifting yourself.

Now we are all trying to use outside spaces more in pubs and restaurants I think they should ban smoking anywhere there is food.

It is tricky - in the light of Covid and social distancing us non-smokers are basically invading the smokers' space I guess!

I've a table booked for a meal at a pub in couple of weeks and have requested an outside one. Even in the garden they have a designated smoking area which seems sensible.

I've never smoked but it doesn't bother me massively unless I'm eating, in which case I'd have said 'no' too.

My friend is the only one out a group of us that smokes and bless him he will take himself away to the emptiest part of an outdoor area and make every effort to blow the opposite direction of everyone.
I asked him once why he takes it to such extreme and his answer was simply "people should be subjected to my smoke. It's my choice not theirs"

Would have said yes, we do mind.

*shouldn't

@Icequeen01

I was on a bus last year and a young woman got on smoking a spliff,[?] It wasn't pleasant smelling, and had an unpleasant chemical odour that made me feel sick.. so I got off at the next stop.
Someone mentioned it could have been ''spice''..it made me feel nauseated.
She looked aggressive, so didn't want to bother the driver about it.
The bus was packed.
Smoking /vaping ought only be done on private premises..where other people aren't affected.

It is tricky - in the light of Covid and social distancing us non-smokers are basically invading the smokers' space I guess!

Exactly this. I’m very glad I managed to miss the smug entitlement which apparently I should have acquired when I stopped smoking. There are vanishing few places people can smoke but some people won’t be happy until there aren’t any.

I hate it with a vengeance. And there were people eating so she was being VVU to smoke near them. But she did ask, at least, I suppose! Most people don't...

I would have thought the existence of covid would be MORE of a reason to discourage smoking surely?

Smokers are more at risk of dying of covid than non smokers.......

She didn’t need to ask you, but she was polite to do so. As you don’t like smoke then I agree, what else are you meant to say?