AIBU - wait to take hormonal contraception until we're official?

[missbunnyrabbit]

Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
I've never used hormonal contraception. Only ever used condoms.

Been seeing a guy since the start of June. We've struggled with sex a bit because every time he put a condom on, he would go soft. He said he's only used condoms and never had a problem before. So for now, we've been using the pull out method. I know, not good.

We had talked about other types of contraception. However...I have said that I am reluctant to try hormonal contraception when it is still early days for us.

That was my way of trying to say that I don't want to try them until we are official. U don't want to put myself through that when we haven't got a proper commitment yet. It has been 6/7 weeks, at least 20 dates and I am still 'the girl he is seeing'.

I've heard from lots of girls that hormonal contraception has so many uncomfortable side effects. It really scares me and I don't want to go through that for a guy I am only 'seeing'.

Am I being unreasonable? I don't think I am but I am scared he will run because of this. We both really want me to be on proper conception. What do i do?

.... Would you rather get pregnant? Cause that's the alternative with 'the guy you're just seeing'. Protect yourself fgs

You're reluctant to use hormonal contraception but you're relying on him pulling out?

Yeah, good luck with that.

Pregnancy will pump you full of a shed load of hormones.

*contraception not conception

Also, I'm really wary of making him feel like he has to be my boyfriend, because I know he doesn't want to rush into things and is cautious of commitment. Just need to know if I'm being a jerk or not.

Did you both get a std check and the all clear before having unprotected sex?

You have four options:

1. Continue as you are and risk pregnancy
2. Take hormonal contraception
3. Go back to using condoms
4. Stop having sex until you're confident in your relationship if 1-3 don't suit

Have you even had an STI test yet? His condom story is pushing the bounds of believability.

You don't want to rush into things but aren't using any contraception...? Read your posts back, op

How sure are you that he's not sleeping with anyone else? Because you're also at risk of STDs at this point. I think you both need to get tested if you haven't already, before you start thinking about continuing to have sex. Then at that point you can work out a contraceptive method that works for both of you.

Contraception is not a wedding to make things official. It's to top you getting pregnant... So... It's probably a good idea to use it if you are having sex?

Having sex without contraception is essentially trying to conceive🤷🏻

You don’t want to take the pill but you are:
Risking pregnancy and risking STDs.

There is a very good chance you will get pregnant. The pill is to protect you so whether you are official or not does not make a difference if you are having sex. You could also try the coil or cap.

You don’t want to put yourself through it so you’d rather risk putting yourself through an unplanned pregnancy?

You don’t need a commitment from him to go on contraception because you’re doing it for yourself not for him!

Diapragm or cervical cap?

@peachypetite

Did you both get a std check and the all clear before having unprotected sex?

Seriously? Because every poster on here has always done that at the start of every new relationship?

I'm not saying it's good advice. It is. But be kind - OP is talking about the here and now FGS

@missbunnyrabbit are there any signs he’s going to be committed?

Also hormonal contraception won’t protect you against STIs - is he seeing anyone else?

I hate hormonal contraception, BUT, if it was the choice between that and the pulling out method, I would definitely take the hormonal contraception! Even more so if you aren't official tbh... it actually makes more sense to stop taking it when you're an established couple, as you are more likely to want to conceive then.

Just need to know if I'm being a jerk or not.

Well, one of you is in being-a-jerk territory, and it's not you.

A mysterious twin problem with commitment and condoms? That makes you feel like a jerk?

Proceed with extreme caution, OP

Jesus Christ how old are you?!

Using contraception protects you from pregnancy. Most people on hormonal contraception are happy.

I think you've got yourself confused and can't see the wood for the trees. I would be reluctant to stop using condoms in a casual relationship. Use both.

If he really is usually fine with condoms then maybe it's not the right relationship. Sorry. Or maybe he's not telling the truth?

So you don’t want to use hormonal contraception because you’re not “official”-whatever that means. But you’re willing to have a baby with him?🤯

Its also your business what contraceptive you use, he should be using condoms anyway.

I think you need to talk to a family planning practitioner, and have a think about your sexual health.

I’m a bit stunned really. Your contraceptive status has nothing to do with how committed you are. If you want sex with someone he doesn’t have to be your boyfriend. If he’s your boyfriend you don’t have to have sex with him if you choose not to.

All your choice, your decision.

Do it for you!! It's your body and it'll be you getting the abortion or the birth. What has it got to do with him and you being official. And believe people when they say a pregnancy will make much more difference to your body than the pill!

You don't ever have to use hormonal contraception if you don't want to. How long did you persevere with the condoms? There are different types as well. His inability to use the only reliable form of contraception for men means it will always be up to you to take care of this. I couldn't be bothered with that tbh.

You're not being a jerk but you are being an idiot.

Too early for hormonal contraception but not for unprotected sex! Smh

Hormonal contraception scares you but a baby doesn’t?

Are you even old enough to be having sex? As you sure aren’t sensible enough.