AIBU - wait to take hormonal contraception until we're official?

[missbunnyrabbit]

Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
I've never used hormonal contraception. Only ever used condoms.

Been seeing a guy since the start of June. We've struggled with sex a bit because every time he put a condom on, he would go soft. He said he's only used condoms and never had a problem before. So for now, we've been using the pull out method. I know, not good.

We had talked about other types of contraception. However...I have said that I am reluctant to try hormonal contraception when it is still early days for us.

That was my way of trying to say that I don't want to try them until we are official. U don't want to put myself through that when we haven't got a proper commitment yet. It has been 6/7 weeks, at least 20 dates and I am still 'the girl he is seeing'.

I've heard from lots of girls that hormonal contraception has so many uncomfortable side effects. It really scares me and I don't want to go through that for a guy I am only 'seeing'.

Am I being unreasonable? I don't think I am but I am scared he will run because of this. We both really want me to be on proper conception. What do i do?

Please sort your contraception out. The pill is not your only option. diaphragm / cap for example. If you are scared he may run because of this what do you think his response will be if you got pregnant?

There’s a name for women who rely on the pull out method. It’s mummy!

I personally do not take hormonal birth control because it has bad side effects for me. You are perfectly fine to say you won’t take it for a casual relationship.

You are being completely unreasonable to

1. have sex without a condom without being in a committed relationship and getting tested
2. rely on pull-out for bc

I would absolutely not have sex again With this man without a condom. If that scuttles the relationship, he was not worth having in the first place.

WTF!

You’re risking your health and becoming pregnant with unprotected sex.

You can use a diaphragm if you don't want to use hormonal contraception. I put a lot of weight on microgynon, won't be rushing back to go on a pill.

However neither from the above will protect you from STD or STI. If he's always been fine with the condom but now he isn't make he doesn't fancy you as much?

We are exclusive, we've discussed that at least...

Your lack of maturity and concern for your own welfare is absolutely shocking.

You're using the same method that I was when I got pregnant with my first DC. Difference being I was married and having kids was something we wanted, just happened a few months earlier than might have been ideal.

Hormonal contraception prevents pregnancy, but not catching anything this bloke may have. I'd be willing bet that this isn't the first time he's pulled this to avoid wearing condoms.

I take hormonal contraception and I'm single! Better than getting pregnant.

Copper coil? Have you had children?

So you’d rather be pregnant?

Gosh yes, I'd rather have some pill side effects from someone I'm just seeing than some pregnancy ones which the the other very likely option if he genuinely can't manage with conforms. Both get std tests though! If you don't get on with the pill the symptoms stop almost immediately when you stop anyway.

You are not being unreasonable to not want to take hormonal contraceptives - it is your body.

But you are being stupid to not take proper precautions.

This is stupidity at its highest.

I am truly gobsmacked at this post.

You are having unprotected with someone you arent in a relationship with because you are saving the contraception for when he commits to you? It literally makes no sense at all.

There are so many types of contraception and you havent even tried them to see if you will have problems, many many women are fine.

Besides any of that, condoms are essential if you arent even in a relationship. Have you actually seen evidence of him struggling with them or has he just told you that is the case?

I am scared he will run because of this

If he runs because you won’t use hormonal contraceptives, he isn’t worth keeping. I’ve had an issue with hormonal birth control (although not all women do) and my husband never once gave me shit about it. In fact my husband said the loss of sensation wasn’t worth me, not being me with hormonal contraceptives.

If you aren’t official yet, absolutely don’t get hormonal birth control. It doesn’t protect you against STDs. However, stop using withdrawal. It’s not a form of contraceptive. He needs to work through his issues with condoms because that’s the best way to protect both of you from pregnancy and STDs whilst in this early stage of your relationship. So it’s either condoms or abstinence.

She's having unprotected sex so yes, having an STI check beforehand would have been sensible.
Most people don't have unprotected sex early on in a relationship but if they're going to they should at least be checked out.
It's foolishness like this OP which has caused the prevalence of STIs in our society.

Scared he’ll run over a condom, so apparently prefer to risk pregnancy and your health. Cos he’ll stick around when you get pregnant or an STI, for sure!

@missbunnyrabbit

*contraception not conception

Also, I'm really wary of making him feel like he has to be my boyfriend, because I know he doesn't want to rush into things and is cautious of commitment. Just need to know if I'm being a jerk or not.

He doesn’t want to rush into things, but he’s taking steps to get you pregnant? How much more rushed can it get than unplanned pregnancy?

Also, where is your self-respect? Are you so desperate for this man to like you that you’re willing to be a single mother?

The OP has asked for advice, let’s not resort to words like stupid.

OP you have got yourself in a complete muddle about this. Most women feel well with hormonal contraception and certainly better than pregnant.
I am really surprised that you have reached an age where you are in a sexual relationship without understanding contraception.
If you are not trying for a baby go to your doctor's or sexual health clinic to discuss your options before continuing with si.
You can get excellent and accurate information before hand on the family planning website.
Withdrawal is not an adequate method.
Condoms alone aren't brilliant in comparison to other methods but are good for protection against stis so ideally use those as well until you have both been checked in a clinic and are clear that you are exclusive and committed going forward. This is particularly important if you are under 25.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

@missbunnyrabbit - there is a technical term for women who,use the withdrawal method of birth control - mothers.

There can be sperm in the man’s pre-cum, and you can get pregnant even if he withdraws.

I hope that you have both had STI checks, otherwise you are risking your health, by having unprotected sex. Plus you haven’t been with him that long, and even though you have agreed to be exclusive, you have no guarantee that he will stick to this - or that, if he does cheat, he will be honest with you before the two of you have sex again - and lo and behold, you are at risk of catching an STI.

I am old enough to be your mum, and I hope I am saying what your mum would say - stop being foolish and risking an unplanned pregnancy, single motherhood (because he is commitment-phobic) and/or a sexually transmitted disease. Please be sensible and protect yourself. Find a form of contraception that suits you - the pill would probably be best - and insist on your sexual partner using a condom - I think he will find the ‘no condom, no sex’ rule would cure his ‘problems’ with condoms.

I wonder how many of you had STI checks at every time you decided to have non condom sex...

The old saying “stupid is as stupid does”
Unless you want a baby you should be using contraception, it really is simple.