To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

[JSD1987]

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

I orgasm most times during sex with my husband, not every time.

I’ve had a partner who I never did at all. The sex was good though, but I just never got there.

I would say it's common for women not to orgasm by penetration alone but most will through foreplay and stimilation.

I'd feel pretty cheated if I didn't come (ha! see what I did there) away from an encounter without having at least one.

I don't know about most women but I orgasm pretty much every time DH and I have sex.

I don't think there's a set rule about how you do orgasm, though; what makes me orgasm won't work for the next woman.

There is a specific sex topic for this discussion. If you report your own thread, MNHQ will very kindly move it for you, no problem.

I don't think "most" women won't orgasm with a man... It probably takes some foreplay/stimulation/toys etc for a decent proportion, but I'd expect they'd still get there.

I'd be unhappy in a sexual relationship where I regularly didn't orgasm. I would say your partners need to put in a bit more effort!

I have a friend I occasionally have sex with after a few drinks. Last time I saw him I told him he'd actually never got me there even though we'd had sex a few times. He was quite surprised but that night he really put the effort in. Didn't quite manage but not far off. He owes me about 7 orgasms by now I've always enjoyed it, it just hasn't reached that point for me with him.

I often do / did, with DH and a few others. Maybe not every time, but a decent percentage of times. I thought this was fairly standard, but couldn't say for sure. I also do sometimes (not all the time) orgasm from penetration. Sometimes during and sometimes immediately after.

I do but it’s unlikely to happen without some decent foreplay

Wow. I'm really surprised by these replies! Its honestly so hard for me to even imagine having an orgasm with someone else in the room, it just doesn't seem possible. There have been times I've been really attracted to the guy I'm being intimate with and I've desperately wanted to have that experience but it just doesn't happen. I've clearly been missing out but not entirely sure how to fix it :/

Could you not do what you normally do to orgasm, but just with the other person there? Maybe then you could get over that hurdle / obstacle and in future you might be able to get there during sex / foreplay with a partner? Even if you never achieve the latter, the former might offer you the same sort of connection iyswim. Just an idea!

I organism everytime we have sex I'm not really a foreplay fan if I'm honest.

Wow.. predictive text fail right there.

Sorry, I'm a multi with DH

@lst, your phone's autocorrect is clearly a massive prude .

I can only speak from perspective of a small group of people I'd know from that type of conversation over the years. And in that group I never heard about them not having an orgasm with a long term DP/DH. Of course I've no idea if that was always or not! But never heard that said.

The one that still stands out for me a a friend who NEVER had an orgasm. I mean NEVER, not with a partner, not by herself even. At any stage of her life (she is married. in her 40s now)

Now, that must be VERY rare?

OP the trick is to use what works for you and apply it when having sex. That and doing it with a full bladder and with a partner you completely trust and feel comfortable with.

I 100% would not bother having sex if it did not result in an orgasm for me

@Immigrantsong

OP the trick is to use what works for you and apply it when having sex. That and doing it with a full bladder and with a partner you completely trust and feel comfortable with.

A full bladder makes a difference?

Show them how. I wouldn't accept being in a relationship where I never came. Sex is important.

Ive had 3 sexual partners who have given me orgasms, each has taken the time to read about how to give them, asked what I like etc plus they have been patient and committed to their cause

The others who didn't were mostly just interested in their own pleasure.

You’re shagging the wrong guys!

My husband wasn’t even allowed to take his trousers off till he had made me cum at least once.

Your last comment gives a couple of clues I think, especially because you can orgasm on your own. You ‘can’t imagine it happening with another person there’, you ‘desperately want it to happen’.
Maybe you need to relax more during sex?
If I focus too much on my orgasm, then I find I can think my way out of it iyswim? I focus more on how good I feel, how good the build up feels, what I can hear, smell, see, etc.
I always get there and usually more than once, but I’ve only been like that for the past ten years or so (I’m 43). Before that I didn’t ask for what I needed.

Do you mean you don't orgasm through penetration, or at all during sex with men (e.g. foreplay)? I would say it is quite unusual to never orgasm with a partner in any of foreplay, oral or penetration.

I pretty much always orgasm
(often during foreplay, and almost always through penetration) with my DH. A lot of women I know don't necessarily orgasm during penetrative sex but most women I know will orgasm during foreplay if not through penetration. If you're not getting an orgasm through foreplay then your partner isn't trying hard enough, to be frank. Not sure it says anything about you (i.e. not sure I would agree with your friend) as the skill/effort of the man you're with does make a difference.