To expect step daughter to move rooms?

[twinnursery]

Long time lurker but first time poster.

DH has a 7yo DD from a previous relationship. She's with us every other week. We have a 2yo DD together and are expecting twin boys. We live in a 4 bedroom house, all 4 are double rooms. Smallest 2 are identical in size. Currently 2yo is in one of the "small" rooms and 7yo is in the larger one, with me and DH in the master. I think 7yo should be in the other "small" one (but as I said, it's not actually that small) and the twins should be in the bigger room since there will be 2 of them, and they'll be living here all the time. DH thinks the twins should have the smaller room since they're younger. Just to avoid drip feeding, twins will be in our room for around 6 months but I want to sort out bedrooms before we have 2 newborns in the house. Also won't be moving any time soon so would rather have a long term solution now.

YANBU - twins should have the bigger room
YABU - twins should have the smaller room

Makes sense to me. Maybe you could get your step daughter really excited about her new room and let her choose the colour and a new bed or something!! Or like a new dressing table or something a bit more grown up to look forward to

Being babies in a not actually small small room is absolutely fine.

But if you’re really set on moving rooms then I think you’ll need to think really carefully about how to manage/word it. Do you think your SD would be exited about designing and decorating her new bedroom?

YANBU
You just have to sell her the idea.

I agree that the babies will need the bigger room, I'd probably try and make it sound really exciting by letting her choose how it's decorated/a trip to ikea etc

Is there any way you can sell it on she'll be further away from the babies if they cry and wake her up in the night? Obviously I am not sure on the layout.

But yes, it makes perfect sense to move her, you would obviously just move your 2 year old if she was in the bigger room. Get her to choose new decor etc but I wouldn't give her a choice in the matter. She is a child, 2 children sharing long term it makes sense they have the bigger room.

When we moved here we chose the children's rooms based on one being able to sleep through anything, so we put him above the kitchen. The rooms for both my children are technically the same size but one is longer and narrower and one is wider and shorter.

They will need the bigger room being two sharing a room.
And babies and toddlers usually need a lot of space for all their toys and equipment.

I'd definitely sell her the idea of her own grown up room where she picks her own decor and do it up how she wants.

DSD isn't missing out on anything she is getting exactly what your older DD has. Your H is being unreasonable however, he needs to be part of making the new room exciting for his DD.

They should have the bigger room. There’s two of them and they’ll grow and eventually want to play in their room.

If its not you, there was a thread on here a while ago asking exactly the same thing... Lots of good advice on there and the general consensus was the step mum was being u

I don't think there is any need to make your DSD change rooms. They all sound like reasonable rooms so it is far more important that the twins have to room closest to yours whatever the size.

I can imagine she might feel quite territorial over her room, particularly as she’s the only one not there all the tine.

Has her dad asked her why she doesn’t want to move?

Of course twins should have the bigger room.
Or, SD can stay in it, and share with one of the boys. She might change her mind.

How much bigger is the room?
It does make sense but is the extra space worth upsetting DSD over?

She’s not there as much and is older so won’t have as much stuff and babies/toddlers come with lots of stuff. They need the bigger room.

YANBU, makes perfect sense.

Your step daughter needs to keep her bigger room for now.

She will very possibly be feeling a little wobbly with your twins coming along, and I would keep her physical space stable until she gets used to the new additions in the house.

Your twins will be none the wiser for being in a smaller room in the meantime.

Long term what you are proposing makes sense. Not sure now is the right time though. Personally I'd wait a couple of years then tie in the room swap to a "more grown up" bedroom.

Once the twins are mobile, playing in their room they should have the larger room. maybe in a year. ridiculous to kick her out when they are sleeping in yours.

Give her the option.

She can share with 2DD (as you may need a spare room for visitors with newborn twins) or have the smaller room to herself.

That should work.

Agree two babies and all the paraphernalia will need the bigger room. And you will have the option to possibly have a camp bed etc. in there for the rough nights if needed.

I’m sure this exact situation was posted a couple of weeks ago ?

I've voted YANBU because at some point the twins will need a larger room. However, I think now is not the time to do it. They are going to be in your room for 6 months anyway, then they can manage in one of the smaller rooms until they are a bit older.
I think you should leave it for a couple of years and then move her - but at that point get her excited about it by letting her design her new room, choose the furniture and paint etc. In a couple of years she'll be 9-10 and might like a more grown-up style of room anyway - so you can sell the move to her positively.

It makes perfect sense for her to move. I appreciate its daunting having new siblings but the only reason she's being asked to move is because you are having 2 babies and they will obviously need more space in their room.

I also don't think waiting will be a sensible idea. I mean realistically you wont have the time or energy to sort out swapping rooms about when they are 6 months old. In 6 months time you'll have a 3 year old and potentially babies that are on the move. It makes so much more sense to get as much done as possible before they arrive.

realistically the space isn't going to make a difference for a few years, I don't know anyone who leaves toddlers playing in their own room so it's only going to be an issue in a few years. I would leave it for now

Just offer her to do it up exactly as she’d like, let her pick wallpaper, furniture and a rug and she will feel happy and content in the smaller double

Of course 2 children should have the bigger bedroom!

Your step-daughter needs an "upgrade", there are tons of ideas online to transform a bedroom.

I just hope for you you just didn't redecorate her bedroom as it would be harder to sell! Otherwise, by 7 she can go to the next step bed whatever that is and a whole new bedroom.

I wouldn't move her yet.

Two new siblings is a daunting prospect so she'll be feeling unsettled. The twins won't be playing in their room for a long time yet, whereas in the early days of trying to settle with two new babies your DSD may retreat to her room more than usual. She's far more likely to be playing in her bedroom than any of the other 3 for at least a couple of years.

It's not like they'll be getting crammed into a box room - a double room is plenty. 3 new siblings in 3 years who all get to live with Dad full time is a lot for her to handle.