To expect step daughter to move rooms?

[twinnursery]

Long time lurker but first time poster.

DH has a 7yo DD from a previous relationship. She's with us every other week. We have a 2yo DD together and are expecting twin boys. We live in a 4 bedroom house, all 4 are double rooms. Smallest 2 are identical in size. Currently 2yo is in one of the "small" rooms and 7yo is in the larger one, with me and DH in the master. I think 7yo should be in the other "small" one (but as I said, it's not actually that small) and the twins should be in the bigger room since there will be 2 of them, and they'll be living here all the time. DH thinks the twins should have the smaller room since they're younger. Just to avoid drip feeding, twins will be in our room for around 6 months but I want to sort out bedrooms before we have 2 newborns in the house. Also won't be moving any time soon so would rather have a long term solution now.

YANBU - twins should have the bigger room
YABU - twins should have the smaller room

Of course switch the rooms! It's not like she's not going to have her own room. The pandering to DSC on here is ridiculous.

I don't know why people are always so convinced small children don't take up any space compared to older children. When they are babies they come with various bits of bulky furniture and when they are toddlers their toys are massive compared to older children. My DD takes up much more space than my 7 year old DSS who doesn't live here full time, and there's only one of her. I agree with others saying fitting two cots and potentially two of all the various pieces of furniture you use for babies will likely be impractical if the room is small. It's very obvious that they're going to take up much more space than both of the other kids.

Yes - your ideas about the room sound best.
Yes - your DH's point about not wanting to move her are also reasonable.

Stealth-and-Cunning-Parenting is required!

Start to put in the 'small' room some things you know she would really really like... and then carefully and casually lead her to ask about having that room for herself. :)

(There will be odd things that make a room really special to her. A picture - a tent bed - a colour scheme - new bedding or curtains. Size is probably not the thing she thinks most about.)

I agree with others who say she needs to move rooms, but not immediately. I wonder if you could put a deadline on it whilst also making it sound special, ie 'for your 9th birthday you'll get a new bedroom decorated exactly how you want it!'
Like a coming of age thing to look forward to rather than her being shoved out.

The arrival of the twins might make her feel anxious about her place in the family, so making her give up her room for them immediately when they don't even need it yet could lead to resentment and unhappiness. When they are toddlers and she can see she'd be a) giving them something and b) getting something special in return, it might pan out more smoothly.

I wouldn’t make her swap rooms now only to see “her room” not be used for at least 6 months. When I was that age it crushed me having to move rooms for my 2 younger siblings and until I moved out I was extremely territorial of my room as a result of that.

I agree that if they use their room as a playroom with space needed for brio and 2 beds etc the twins might be better in a bigger room but for quite a long time this will not be the case and so there is no need to rush with a room change. If it is upsetting DSD I would hang on but over months discuss her redecorating a bedroom with new furniture etc. She will be needing a desk before long and this could be a draw. Babies don't need much or toddlers for that matter and they might sleep in together so won't really need much extra space.

Surely this only becomes an issue when they're out of cots so 2/3 years old. Until then they will be fine in the smaller room.

I would let your SD enjoy the larger room till then, by which point hopefully she will be more settled with her brothers and feel comfortable in her place in the family.

Pushing her into the smaller room now might make her feel sidelined.

The babies will have ridiculous amounts of stuff. They need the bigger room.

(Remember that 7 year olds have been known to choose cereals they don't like because of the plastic toys included with them. Think 7 year old!)

My baby must have been short changed then becasue in her room till she was 3/4 she had:

A cot, a tall chest of drawers and a box with nappies/wipes/foldable changing mat. A built in single cupboard had books and toys.

Big things like bouncer, jumperoo type stuff were downstairs along with a couple of storage tubs of other toys as that's where we spent most of our time.

She only had more toys and stuff in her room when she was ok to play there by herself a bit.

It's so weird watching the replies as the thread a few weeks ago got the exact opposite response

I thought that was about the OP wanting her twins to have a bedroom each and therefore turf out stepchild.

Everyone was telling her there was no need to split the twins up and she was being out of order.

If she was your dd you would simply announce rooms were being changed round..
So do this.
Not true for everyone

I would discuss any room move with the person involved.We put a lot of importance on it being their private space

Your step daughter will need more space than your twins in the coming years.

I don’t think you should turf a child out of their bedroom just because you’ve chosen to have more children.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable but equally my kids are only starting to use their room aside from sleeping now at primary school age. Mostly they are downstairs where I can supervise them. I found toys in their room distracted them at bedtime. Whereas 7yr old could use her room as a quiet space to play away from all the babies and toddlers.

Your step daughter will need more space than your twins in the coming years.

Really?? Surely the older children get the less need they have for space to play and 2 children will need more room as they grow.

So instead of putting all the twins stuff in one room only to move it all again makes less sense than moving everything before the babies arrive.

Definitely, when you factor in the need for space to do school work, when they gain an interest in their appearance and want a vanity unit, somewhere to do their hair etc.
They have more ‘stuff’ so need more storage.

@TinySleepThief

What size difference are you talking about?

@TinySleepThief

Your step daughter will need more space than your twins in the coming years.

Really?? Surely the older children get the less need they have for space to play and 2 children will need more room as they grow.

So instead of putting all the twins stuff in one room only to move it all again makes less sense than moving everything before the babies arrive.

The twins won't be playing in their room unsupervised until they are 2 at least. That's at least 2 years, if not 2.5 years away

The step-daughter will be playing in her room more than normal while her Dad and step-Mum are wrangling 2 newborns and a 3yo

She'll also have to keep any toys with bits (which girls of that age like) in her room away from the babies, even more than her sibling atm because with two it's even hard to keep an eye on bits

It'll be years before the twins need a bigger space (if they actually need a bigger space than a double room)

I would be very reluctant to move any child,but particularly a step child out of a room to allow 'new' children to move in
Could cause real resentment
If there was no choice,fair enough

And it sounds as if your DH is not with you on this

I think the options are:

She moves to smaller room now and has it decorated to her taste or she moves when twins are going into their own room but she doesn't get it redecorated, she just has to move into it as it is at the moment as you wont have time then.

@WaxOnFeckOff

I think the options are:

She moves to smaller room now and has it decorated to her taste or she moves when twins are going into their own room but she doesn't get it redecorated, she just has to move into it as it is at the moment as you wont have time then.

Blackmailing a 7yo? Classy

Twins even as babies toddlers need so much extra room, wardrobe space, toys etc. You are not being unreasonable. I would be kicking DH into smaller room and keeping the master for myself and twins. He is being an idiot.

@Porcupineinwaiting

Long term what you are proposing makes sense. Not sure now is the right time though. Personally I'd wait a couple of years then tie in the room swap to a "more grown up" bedroom.

Agree. And don't make this about her moving to make space for the twins, make it about everyone's needs changing as they grow up. Maybe link it to her going to secondary school? - She will need a new, grown up bedroom, with a desk. She can start planning it now and, with a bit of luck, she'll be so excited that she'll be nagging you to get started.

Let's face it, a double bedroom is plenty of room for 2 babies. There is no rush. It will make all your lives easier if DsD is happy with the arrangements, not resentful of the twins.

@Jellybeansincognito

Your step daughter will need more space than your twins in the coming years.

I don’t think you should turf a child out of their bedroom just because you’ve chosen to have more children.

Why would she need more space than two children in the coming years? that's ridiculous, younger children notoriously take up more space with toys etc and you're multiplying that by two here.

And that's a nasty comment on the end there, they have a 4 bedroom house and the SD will still have a double room to herself ffs

I don't think she should be turfed out of her room to make way for new arrivals. It's opening up resentment when the twins aren't even born yet. She may offer at a later date but she shouldn't be forced.