Child not calling me mum

[cierra]

I know there's mums on here that have the opinion of child calls them by their actual name, can I just ask those mums don't comment on my post as you may not understand where am coming from with this. And I don't need you expressing those opinions on me with all due respect.

Dc 8 years old, just turned 8. In the last few months I've noticed when he calls me he won't say mummy/mum, to get my attention he will say hello,
Example
Am in the kitchen, he will come in and say
"Hello can I have chocolate pls"
Or am just in the lounge
"Hello when can I play on my iPad"

Or he will tap me to get my attention.
When he is speaking to his sibling about me, he will refer to me as 'she' and 'her'

He's always called me mummy and mum until the last few months when I noticed this, sibling is also picking up on this and will say 'she said' 'ask her' when before it would always be 'mummy said' 'ask mummy'

I don't know where this sudden odd change has come from, the background I come from, it's really rude to speak in that manner. A few family members also noticed which was embarrassing.

I did speak to dc about this, dc says he forgets to say mum/mummy, I've told him that's what you've always called me so I don't understand how you can forget, it's like me forgetting to call you by your name.

Has anyone else gone through this or know what it could be

There has been nothing life changing that has happened, apart from Covid and no school.

I just feel like doesn't he like me? Why wouldn't he call me by the name that should be second nature to him. I can't fathom not calling my mum, ''mum",

@Couchbettato

I think it's kind of cute that instead of having a kid that shouts for you somewhere in the house, he comes and greets you with hello.

It's rather polite imo.

However when we were young and we called someone he or she, we'd always get "s/he has a name, you know."

I agree, i suspect Op making s fuss is making poor ds more self conscious.

@Sheenais - the OP made the point because she knew (and was right) that some people would think it WAS about the child using her given name rather than mum/mummy.
That is not the issue, correct!
BUt the comprehension standard on here is such that she knew people would turn it into that - and she asked them not to.

I think when stuff like this happens we often approach it from our adult perspective & assign meaning to it that it’s rude etc but from the perspective of the child it’s different. It sounds to me as though he’s perhaps trying to be polite & experimenting with ways to do this. He might also be trying to be more grown up by not calling you mummy & could he be mirroring others around you/something he’s seen as a way to explore this?

I’d be really gentle & open & ask him what his thoughts are. No doubt it’s something simple but something that feels important to him at the moment.

I’d also get curious about your feelings about this - what is it bringing up for you? Could you find ways to feel more connected to him as he moves through this phase so you can balance the way you feel about it?

Putting pressure on him to call you mum/mummy or ignoring him unless he does feels like it would squash his thoughts & feelings back down. Understanding how he’s feeling & working together feels like a better fit.

You could also think about how you phrase things - for instance “I don’t like it when...” could be turned into “do you know I really love it when...” & be really expressive about how lovely it makes you feel, highlighting the positives & praising & encouraging him at any opportunity.

Always really hard to advise on someone else’s child but those would be my thoughts.

Did he previously call you mummy and wants to start using mum but isn't sure that's ok?

Is he not keen on mum? Or maybe a little attempt at being a bit silly/annoying. When I was little my mum didn’t like being called ‘Mam’ so that’s all I called her when I felt like being a cheeky cow. Plus none of us like the word mum (I use it to describe who she is) but we use a shorter version of her middle name. Nobody else uses it, and I realise it’s a bit weird but it works for us! Could you find a middle ground like that?

My son called me by my name for years I’d say till about 11- then one day started calling me Mum. He’s now 21. We’re all fine.

I'm probably gonna give you a totally different intake on this. Is your son by any chance on the autistic spectrum anywhere or is there a potential chance he may be. I called my parents mam n dad until about this age. It was around then I began very subtly approaching them to talk rather than shouting across. Like your son tapping someone to get attention. I call my mam by first name now. We are a large family and the noise when you do shout mam can be horrendous. My sister's are also mam's and so are other family members. I was later diagnosed as having Asperger's and doctors told my family that this was one of the earlier subtle signs. If there is even a slight chance he is doing this due to sensory issues. I'd speak to your doctor. He may say he is forgetting because he probably does. But don't change your behaviour towards him. It will confuse him more. My mam would often answer "Mam says yes?" etc to ensure the word mam or many was always part of the conversation. I always see her as mambut even now I can't call her that when I'm around any more than one person. I also can't deal with grouting downstairs for something it hurts my ears and makes no sense. I also have to see someone to have a conversation like your son. I will approach because it makes no sense to talk to someone you can't see. I also struggle on phones but can have a Facebook video call fine. It's all down to whether I can see them and know they can see me and are taking notice. Don't take offense to it not if you don't know the reason. If he isn't diagnosed as on spectrum see what other synptoms he may have is he pedantic. For him to say Hello sounds like a learned behaviour from somewhere like school. I went through a stage because we were taught at school to say Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Evening. I took this as literal as we were told it was good morning and at the age of about 10 I would check the time to work out which one to use before taking to someone then I'd start the conversation with "Good Morning could I have a biscuit please". This wasn't meant to be nasty but was what if been taught by school. Saying mam was not important at the time in my brain. You could try repeating his request but with the word mam in the request each time he does it and see if he starts repeating this. But I would defo look at whether he could be on the spectrum if he isn't already diagnosed. Asperger's can be quite subtle and this was one of my first recognise symptoms.

It looks like there could be two factors. The first is the central question of why your son doesn't seem to feel comfortable calling you Mum or Mummy. There can be many reasons for this. Growing up is a difficult process that presents many challenges and we all respond differently. The priority is for you to provide love and support to help him through it. It's quite possible that he wants to be treated as more of a grown up. This could provide a way forward with the second factor, which is the social acceptability of his behaviour. Talk to him about the problem with the relatives. We wonder if there is an acceptable arrangement you could agree on where one set of rules applies in public but the rules are relaxed in private?

Hope that helps and wish you and him well! Please keep us updated!