Child not calling me mum

[cierra]

I know there's mums on here that have the opinion of child calls them by their actual name, can I just ask those mums don't comment on my post as you may not understand where am coming from with this. And I don't need you expressing those opinions on me with all due respect.

Dc 8 years old, just turned 8. In the last few months I've noticed when he calls me he won't say mummy/mum, to get my attention he will say hello,
Example
Am in the kitchen, he will come in and say
"Hello can I have chocolate pls"
Or am just in the lounge
"Hello when can I play on my iPad"

Or he will tap me to get my attention.
When he is speaking to his sibling about me, he will refer to me as 'she' and 'her'

He's always called me mummy and mum until the last few months when I noticed this, sibling is also picking up on this and will say 'she said' 'ask her' when before it would always be 'mummy said' 'ask mummy'

I don't know where this sudden odd change has come from, the background I come from, it's really rude to speak in that manner. A few family members also noticed which was embarrassing.

I did speak to dc about this, dc says he forgets to say mum/mummy, I've told him that's what you've always called me so I don't understand how you can forget, it's like me forgetting to call you by your name.

Has anyone else gone through this or know what it could be

There has been nothing life changing that has happened, apart from Covid and no school.

I just feel like doesn't he like me? Why wouldn't he call me by the name that should be second nature to him. I can't fathom not calling my mum, ''mum",

Can you spend time each day, trying to get the message through to your son,to say the word Mum or Mummy, until he gets it. There is no point in getting annoyed, and no point in not answering him if he gets things wrong.

Of course your son doesn't dislike you, he may just be picking up on your annoyance with him, and playing up in his own little ways.

I can't see the problem. He isn't giving you a rude name (if he called you 'Sh*tface' or something, I'd get the issue.) Relax. It really doesn't matter.

YANBU.

To him you are mum. End of.

I had a friend who was allowed to call his parents by their given name and it was just the weirdest thing ever.

Stick to your guns. Your house, your rules.

You could try called him something else instead of by his name in a jokey way?

Could someone have laughed at him for saying Mummy? It might be that another kid has heard him refer to you that way and bullied him over it so he wants to break the Mummy habit and find that Mum is too close to that.

You are not being oversensitive. It's not the use of 'she' that you are objecting to, it's the fact that mum is never used. I suspect that your DC is going through the stage where he doesn't want to use 'mummy' anymore as he thinks it sounds babyish. He maybe needs some help exploring an alternative. Not all children transition easily to 'mum'.
Talk to him about it. Give him permission to change to 'mum' if he prefers.

@Technonan

I can't see the problem. He isn't giving you a rude name (if he called you 'Sh*tface' or something, I'd get the issue.) Relax. It really doesn't matter.

I hate she also, it’s so rude to talk about someone without using their name / title

So what you should do is... Have someone say "Go and ask Sally if blah blah" and then come back and say "Sally said blah blah"? Why? You know who I'm talking about! I find it a bit ridiculous tbh

To me the fact that when your kids are talking together they both know that SHE is you, shows that you are still the centre of their world so naturally you are the 'she' they would be talking about

The not calling you by your name when talking to you I suspect is the outgrowing of Mummy and not quite knowing it's ok to use Mum

You said your husband calls you “your mummy” when shouldn’t this me “mummy” as “your” is implied, this kind of forcing you into second person/first person speech can’t help as then they will think to say “our mummy” which then becomes “she”. I’m my experience it’s always just mummy and not “your mummy”

Is he avoiding words beginning with 'M', and trying to hide that.
Did he ever have a stuttering issue when he was younger?
Has his school noticed anything about his speech.

Odd one OP and not sure what to suggest. Possibly feeling a bit weird as he’s growing up?

I have only ever called my dad “dad” once. I remember it very clearly (was about 8 or 9) and I remember how awkward it felt saying it. I have NO idea why I felt like this. I do know he didn’t really enjoy being with us much as young children and he could be very abusive to my older half-siblings (his stepchildren). I guess he just never felt like my dad. I do still see him occasionally but we don’t have a close relationship by any means. I still can’t bring myself to call him dad; even to other people I just say my “father” which feels more detached.

I’m sure this isn’t the case with your son though, I just wanted to give an example from someone in this situation.

Is he copying your partner as the male role model? What does your partner refer to you as? My partner for example always refers to me as mummy when talking to the kids about me.

I think it's kind of cute that instead of having a kid that shouts for you somewhere in the house, he comes and greets you with hello.

It's rather polite imo.

However when we were young and we called someone he or she, we'd always get "s/he has a name, you know."

@Thereareliterallynonamesleft

I agree it might be awkwardness of saying Mummy/Mum - when I was around 8 I realised most of my peers said Mum but I didn’t want to hurt my mum’s feelings by changing to Mum... so I still call her Mummy as an adult 🙈

Me too 😂

I know there's mums on here that have the opinion of child calls them by their actual name, can I just ask those mums don't comment on my post as you may not understand where am coming from with this. And I don't need you expressing those opinions on me with all due respect
Why can’t I comment? Many kids are never so fucking rude to just say hello they use a name (in my case Sheenais, other children call their parent mummy) it does not matter what name kids use as long as they use one. Your kids are rude, that is what your OP is about, not people who like being called by their name.

It’s a respect thing. We grew up with the ‘cats mother’ retort too. It’s similar to being at school, you wouldn’t be allowed to call your teacher he/she or by their Christian name. I love my children dearly, and do an awful lot for them, as one should naturally do. But it’s easy for kids to take this for granted and they can view themselves as princes/princesses of their own domain. They need to know that the person running around doing everything for them and paying for everything is to be respected and not treated like a slave. My children call me mum, I don’t tolerate ungrateful and disrespectful behaviour.

Personally I would remind your son that if he wants your attention, and a half decent chance of you responding positively to him, he’d better address you properly.

I think it is a very personal thing but if it was me I agree with previous posters - just make it clear in a firm but kind way that unless he says mum or mummy you are not responding.

Not relevant to you but my ex husband always used to call his mother by her Christian name - never "mum" or "mother" etc. I used to watch her wince but as he was adult she never confronted it.

I have a theory now that there was a real dysfunctional and deliberate disrespect on my ex husbands part towards her born out of his resentment of my ex MIL own divorce from exH's father.

Now I am sure that is in no way similar to your situation but if it was me then an 8 year old child should definitely still be calling his mother "mum" or "mummy" or something similar to denote that you are his mother! x

Some really dense posts on here!

The OP doesn't like her kid referring to her as "she" WITHOUT ever using "Mum/mummy" at the start of the sentence/discourse. She doesn't expect the child to use "mum/mummy" INSTEAD of "she" at every point, just not refer to her as "she" ALL the time.
This is the point of the "who's she, the cat's mother?" phrase.

Ditto with the colleagues. If you're standing in front of a colleague, talking to another, and say "she has just done these stats, and now she needs something else to do", the colleague might be justifiably miffed that her name was never used in that sentence, that she was just a random female.

It is not ABOUT using the OP's given name - she specifically said that was outwith the discussion because she doesn't accept having her name used instead of Mum/Mummy, but she knows some people do. So bringing that into the thread is pointless because it's not about that.

It is rude to not use the person's name/honorific at least once while talking about them, especially in front of them. Basic manners.
And it's rude to come up to your mother/colleague and not address them by their name/honorific to start a conversation/discussion/question to them (unless you have genuinely forgotten their name, which may be relevant to a colleague but bloody well isn't when it's your own mother!)

But it has nothing to do with her kid calling her by her name because he is not doing that. so why did the OP try to exclude all people who do that? It is a different issue. So who is dense again?

My son, now 23 told me when younger at some point he thought he was too old to call me mummy and changed it to mum. Your son may be at a point where he is unsure how to move from mummy to mum and trying to figure this out.

@Sheenais- because the OP didn’t want this to be a thread about children calling their mothers by their given name, as that’s not her issue?

But that has absolutely nothing to do with her original issue. @BitOfFun, it’s like saying don’t anyone come on here with recipes for flapjack when I am asking for a salad recipe.

True, but I think it was fair enough for the OP to be very clear what she wanted from her thread- you know what people can be like here for getting the wrong end of the stick and beating about the bush with it .

If you are referring to someone who is present in the third present, regardless of the gender, is rude or at least is something you must avoid. If you use pronouns such as he and she during the conversation which that person is present in, it makes them feel that the conversation is about them, not with them.- Google for those confused.

A 8 year old calling Mummy sounds rather pathetic. Let the child be a 8 ur old not a baby.