Child not calling me mum

[cierra]

I know there's mums on here that have the opinion of child calls them by their actual name, can I just ask those mums don't comment on my post as you may not understand where am coming from with this. And I don't need you expressing those opinions on me with all due respect.

Dc 8 years old, just turned 8. In the last few months I've noticed when he calls me he won't say mummy/mum, to get my attention he will say hello,
Example
Am in the kitchen, he will come in and say
"Hello can I have chocolate pls"
Or am just in the lounge
"Hello when can I play on my iPad"

Or he will tap me to get my attention.
When he is speaking to his sibling about me, he will refer to me as 'she' and 'her'

He's always called me mummy and mum until the last few months when I noticed this, sibling is also picking up on this and will say 'she said' 'ask her' when before it would always be 'mummy said' 'ask mummy'

I don't know where this sudden odd change has come from, the background I come from, it's really rude to speak in that manner. A few family members also noticed which was embarrassing.

I did speak to dc about this, dc says he forgets to say mum/mummy, I've told him that's what you've always called me so I don't understand how you can forget, it's like me forgetting to call you by your name.

Has anyone else gone through this or know what it could be

There has been nothing life changing that has happened, apart from Covid and no school.

I just feel like doesn't he like me? Why wouldn't he call me by the name that should be second nature to him. I can't fathom not calling my mum, ''mum",

@SantaClaritaDiet

You need to chill out. Sounds like your child is healthy, happy and polite.

clearly he's not polite or this thread wouldn't exist!

That reasoning may well excuse a multitude of infractions against children if it were to stand.

OP I would just treat it how you would to instill any basic manners. Correct him when he says it and model politeness. It is definitely rude, whether intentional or not.

“Who’s she the cats mother?”

Repeat until they get so fed up of the phrase they resort back to mum ;)

I find it really weird that you want your child to scream to you from another room. If only my child would quietly seek me out and ask me questions.

I am in DS14's phone as The Mothership! I love it!

DS9 went through a phase where he called me by my first name - I'm sure others would find it odd or rude, I didn't pay any attention and he stopped eventually. I think we all try to pick our battles over what we feel is important - a child calling me by my name doesn't signify disrespect in my eyes, so I won't make a drama of it. It certainly didn't diminish my role as his Mother - he could call me Lord Vader and I'd still be his parent.

I taught Reception for a long time and occasionally children in my class would find my first name out - it seemed such an important thing to them that eventually I'd tell them when they first met me, so that it wasn't ever a forbidden thing. Occasionally one would try it out and I'd ignore it and respond as normal and they'd go back to calling me Mrs Brownie and nobody made a fuss.

My DC don’t really call me mum to my face either. They don’t shout it down the stairs or anything they just come and talk to me. They will write it in a card or talk to their dad about ‘mum’ but they don’t call me mum.

This stopped I think because they used to call us mummy and daddy and when they got a bit older they were still in a habit of using mummy, instead of swapping to mum they just stopped saying it. I noticed it a lot but I just didn’t say anything about it because I thought it would restart again - it never did! They are 16 and 17 now

So I don’t know the answer

I came from a house where my parents were called by their names. I think it was because my mum and dad called each other their names in front of my brothers and it just stuck and then by the time i came along it was just what we did.

However i have kids now and im called mummy and theres no way ill be called anything else so im with you.

I would do as others say and not respond when he calls you Hello. Or even "sorry, who do you want?" And not do anything until he says mum/mummy.

Thinking more about this....If my DC talk about their dad they call him daddy and I think they call me mummy when talking about me to him. But they wouldn’t call him daddy to his face. So I suspect it is them trying to stop calling us mummy and daddy but not replacing it with mum and dad.

DD17 mentioned her dad yesterday and made a huge effort of correction to call him ‘dad’ when talking about him as she defaults to calling him daddy but I think she wants to stop but can’t 😂

My son uses my actual name most of the time no idea why he uses dad, auntie, nana ect appropriately but not mum saying that he doesn't like me so I think its too annoy me.

@lughnasadh

It's more odd that you expect to be personally addresed every time he speaks to you. Maybe he's picking up on the oddness.

We normally say 'can you pass me that cup?', 'is your brother back? Where is he?' or a child will ask 'may I have the last cale?'.

Sticking names into every interaction is what toddlers/preschoolers do as part of learning grammar and how to use language.

Yes, I don't see what it's got to do with people whose children call them e.g. Marion, instead of Mum. They are still calling them something, whereas the OP is complaining about not being called anything.

I do use my partner's and daughter's names, but not as often as the OP seems to expect her child to do. It seems very artificial. And I don't see how it's disrespectful. Pronouns exist for a reason.

I remember as a young child feeling awkward with the change from mummy to mum. I remember practicing 'mum' in the mirror and being a bit worried I'd get into trouble for not using mummy.

I remember my DS being a bit awkward with this too. I think it might be a milestone for some kids, a bit like when boys' voices start to break.

I don't like the use of 'he/she' when the person is present, I think it's rude. DH and i were recently at the bank and the teller spoke to him and referred to me as 'she'. DH said 'Souper is here'.

I came on here to say what @flooredbored said.

I would have selective hearing until your DS addressed you properly so either by using Mum or your name and ignore hello or she. If they complain just saying that you didn't realise they were taking to you.

It's not sometimes that she and her is used, it's all the time. To the point sibling is starting to pick up on it
"Did she say we can have ice cream"
"Ask her if we can"
"Let's sneak up on her"
"She said we are not going out."
"Do you think she will let us play in the pool today"
"If she goes shops today, I will ask for this"
"Am going to tell her your being mean"

That sounds totally normal to me.

It sounds rude and dismissive to me too. A few 'catsmothers' should help to teach him that it isn't polite. Stick to your guns.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I wouldn't answer until he called me mum, that simple. Some people might not agree with that, but I don't care. I would tell him he refers to me as mum or I don't answer.

Absolutely. Your child at 8 knows full well what they are doing.

YANBU. I can see why that is upsetting.

And to the people making an issue of it, the OP hasn’t said she only wants opinions from people who agree with her, she just doesn’t want the thread to descend into a debate on mum vs first name preferences because her preference is mum.

I too have always referred to myself as mummy "can you help mummy find the keys"

I do wonder if it’s a reaction to this? I don’t think my mum or dad ever referred to themselves as mum or dad in the third person.

[quote cierra]@SleepingStandingUp
That's because dc will come down in the space of 5 mins 3-4 times for silly reasons when he knows I'll be up in no more than 10mins, (during bed time) It's only then that it would make sense to call me from the stairs, maybe scream wasn't the correct word. Otherwise it's fine coming and finding me.

Family members/friends and Dh all refer to me as their mum when speaking to the children Example: 'where is your mum'

Dc am speaking of is the eldest. Like another poster said I too have always referred to myself as mummy "can you help mummy find the keys"

It's not sometimes that she and her is used, it's all the time. To the point sibling is starting to pick up on it
"Did she say we can have ice cream"
"Ask her if we can"
"Let's sneak up on her"
"She said we are not going out."
"Do you think she will let us play in the pool today"
"If she goes shops today, I will ask for this"
"Am going to tell her your being mean"

These are just some of the things I hear, everyday,so it isn't sometimes, it's pretty much all the time. Who is this SHE.
It's rude.

[/quote]
The examples you've I've used are perfectly ok! It's children having a conversation about you. If you and your dp have a conversation about your mother, do you always use 'mother' e.g.
I saw my mother today.
Oh, how is she?
She's fine, a bit lonely.
Do you think she'd like to come for tea next Week?
I'll ask her.

Replace she / her with mother and see how clumsy it sounds.

It's just his ability to use language evolving. Keep reminding him it's rude and it will pass.

My 3yo DS calls both me and his dad ‘babe’ on occasion 🙈🤣🤣🤣

I personally think you are looking in to it too much and also can't understand why you start a thread but only want opinions that agree with you. It doesn't make sense to me!

I'm still not sure why its rude. Think about how you interact with adults. Do you use there name in every sentence? Or the example of talking about your husbands mother - do you never use 'she's

TBH i feel sorry for you DS , you are making a mountain out of a molehill and probably making him uneasy and confused about talking to you. Most of the incidents arent even rude!

When ds was a teenager he used to do Stewie impressions, now that is annoying

@helpfulperson

I'm still not sure why its rude. Think about how you interact with adults. Do you use there name in every sentence? Or the example of talking about your husbands mother - do you never use 'she's

Actual that is the most off putting thing about salesmen is when they use your name in every sentence.

You don’t need the name in every sentence but you do need to be addressed as something other than your pronoun at some point in a conversation-is rude and disrespectful whatever the context.
My 16yr DD still calls me mummy and on occasion my name and other times it’s mother, momma, mumsy! My 14yr old calls me mother most. The 11yr old is still at mummy.
I’d be upset with the pronoun thing as well.

@Rahres

He'd ask me to ask grandma about something, if come back in the room and say "she said xyz" and then get told whose she!? Wtf? 😂

I hate she also, it’s so rude to talk about someone without using their name / title