Boys with long hair?

[len1234]

I just want to know why people are so against toddler boys or just boys in general having long hair?? I always thought it was cute but I've heard so many rude comments about it lately. It seems to really bother people?

Also a little annoying that the boys don’t have to tie their hair up for school but girls do!

They did in DD's old primary. One boy in her class was even told to clip back his hair when it was in front of his eyes.

I think all this long hair for girls and short hair for boys perpetuates unhealthy gender stereotypes.

Darn - that first sentence was meant to be in bold as it's a quote

I didn't realise this was a thing. Our son's are toddlers and have long hair. DH doesn't seem to mind, it's only long really because neither of us fancy cutting it tbh, it's hard enough doing their nails 😂😂

There seems to be a real fear of being 'mistaken for a girl' when it comes to long hair on boys, which I don't really understand. My boys both have long hair and they do regularly get mistaken for girls, but they don't care - it's a simple matter of saying 'I'm a boy' when it happens (although they often don't bother unless they are going to be spending more time with someone) and neither of them consider it an insult! They understand that it's more common for girls to have long hair and wear pink/purple and they both still expect other children with long hair to be girls (go figure!).

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself.

Weirdly, my oldest (waist length blond hair but otherwise a vision in Minecraft tee-shirts and tracksuit bottoms) is mistaken for a girl more often than my youngest (mid length curly hair and always in pink/purple with a strong preference for leggings, sparkles and painted nails).

@WatchWatch

Daphnise

But for me it isn't about what I think looks good on my son. It's about how he feels about his hair. He wants it long like a princess, so he's growing it, he doesn't want it cut, at all. So yes, it looks uneven and a bit straggly but it's clean and doesn't smell.

For what it's worth, I much prefer him with short hair. But not my hair, not my choice!

Hmm interesting. Why a princess? Plenty of prince's in fairytales have longer hair.

You might. I don't. Want to wear t shirt and short in the snow have at it. I make sure I pack appropriate clothing so that when they get cold we can put it on. Want to splash in muddy puddles in your sandles go for it. I take wet wipes and spare shoes and socks. Don't want to put on suncream? Fine you have to sit under the parasol all day. I've never once tried to persuade my children to drink extra water, it's just freely available. School uniform does he want long sleeved shirt or short? Jumper on or in his bag, shorts or trousers? Hair has to be up, do you want a ponytail, plait, bun or bunches? What colour bobble? Choices, choices, choices. As many choices as I can allow.

We all parent differently I guess. Personally I think my job as a parent is to ensure my child is dressed appropriately for the weather, well insulated in cold, well hydrated in heat etc. I would never let her wear shorts in winter then pack trousers for when she starts shivering with cold. I teach her how to dress to keep warm or stay cool in the hope when she’s older it will be automatic.

Too many choices can be overwhelming for young kids IMO.

Seriously some people on this thread are complete control freaks!

Some children have no autonomy, where do you think that will lead them in life!

My children are individuals and I allow them to make choices, informed choices about how they look, what they wear, what they like to do.

Yes there are parts of life they require to conform and they do but out with that I want to raise children that can think for themselves and make choices that reflect who they are.

I have one child who wears shorts all year round, we are in Scotland so this is during harsh winters too.

I have one child who has long hair and shock horror is a boy!

Both children are happy, healthy and engaged in life, I have no concerns about them being judged as they are more than capable of asserting their beliefs and are confident in who they are as people.

I would always rather a child who is assertive than one who complies!

I would always rather a child who is assertive than one who complies!

Same. I want to raise my kids to know that sometimes conforming is the right thing to do, and sometimes it isn't, and how to tell the difference. Hair length is definitely in the latter category.

No one is harmed if a child doesn't conform to arbitrary and changeable gender stereotypes. Teaching them that also teaches them that they don't need to fall prey to peer pressure, and hopefully teaches them to do what's right for them rather than what everyone else is doing.

Hmm interesting. Why a princess? Plenty of prince's in fairytales have longer hair.

No idea, he's going through a it of an Elsa phase at the moment.

I don't understand the issue, my husbands hair is longer than my waist length mane, although he's only mistaken for a woman occasionally from behind due to his beard!
Our 2.5 DS has below the shoulder thick blond hair, and my husband even grabbed a pink hair tie today
When we go out people often say she about our toddler even if he's dressed top to toe in blue/dinosaurs/fire engines!!

Too many choices can be overwhelming for young kids IMO.

Of course it can. If you saw my example, you should have seen that he choices are usually limited, by me as to things which are appropriate and to prevent them being overwhelmed - do you wan time to buckle you in, or do you want to try yourself? PJs on first o brush your teeth first?

With regards to the being cold thing, I don' wait until they are shivering - before we go out we look out of the window, check the weather. They are encouraged to consider what might happen if they go out in cold weather without a coat/ jumper/ trousers etc. I explain that we wear warm clothes in cold weather. And yet, sometimes despite all this, they still want shorts - sometimes they will agree to wear tights or leggings under the shorts, other times not. 9 times out of 10 as soon as we step out of the door, DC will say "it's cold, can I change my mind?" and of course they can! They don't wait to be blue and shivering. If they don't mention it, I check in with them- would you like your coat? how are you feeling? Don't fore, I've brought warm clothes if you would like them...etc etc.

So instead of hoping it will be automatic as they get older, I'm assuring that they understand WHY we wear warm clothes when it looks cold outside, what 'cold outside' looks like, other than me just 'knowing', so they know the WHY behind the action in the hope that as they grow up, they can take the WHY and apply it to other situations.

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself

Yes, I don't understand this.

Too many choices can be overwhelming for young kids IMO.

But they can probably manage ‘Do you want your hair long or short?’

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself

I also can’t believe it happens that often after a certain age. Maybe with under fives it might be a bit of a grey area, but I’d say most children have fairly distinctive boyish or girlish features by the age of seven or eight, regardless of hair length.

I have found it's often the people that are finding old gender norms changing challenging that get all wound up about it and heterosexual males who assume long hair = girl from behind, and leave away only to find they've been eying off the ass of a teenage boy. (This happened to my DS and the guy perceived his hair as a deliberate personal affront . DS assumed this man thought he might 'catch the gay'- hence the reaction).

DS17 had very long hair, that reached well below the middle of his back. His school rules are no undercuts, patterns shaved into short hair, and coloured ( blue etc) dye jobs. These are not gender specific.
He has awesome hair, really thick , dark brown with auburn highlights.
Apart from me requesting it be kept clean ( loathe dirty hair smell) we left him to it, and he politely told any individuals( including teaching staff) who felt it necessary to share their opinions or try to somehow shame him into feeling long hair was not masculine 🙄, that it was his hair, his body, his choice, and they should respect that.
I found it was the older generations, and the very blokey bloke , 'real' men types who it bothered the most ,flinging around the 'You look like a girl' comment , as if that was the decisive argument winner.

He chopped it off last week to donate to a cancer foundation that makes wigs for chemotherapy patients. His idea. He sorted it all. Pretty proud of him.

But it's just weird that it bothers some people so much. Why care at all?

Perve not leave.

I agree it can be cute. My DS has short hair but I don't have anything against it long - there's a boy at his nursery with beautiful shoulder-length hair.

Same with things like painting nails, playing dress up, etc. A lot of very pointlessly narrow minded views - thankfully the tide seems to be turning.

@judgypantsoff

Exactly, There are so many times in children's lives when they simply don't have control I have no idea why you'd exert control over them when you don't have to. Kids don't learn to become independent by being told what to do all the time. My kids can wear what they like within reason. They can decide for themselves when they're hot and need to take off their jumper or when they're cold and need a coat. Most kids older than 4 are more than capable of doing this.

If my son wanted to grow his hair long I'd chat to him about what will be involved in keeping in clean and brushed, what other people might think about it and I'd leave the decision for him.

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself

It is. My oldest has straight hair and it went on to full curls that when it was wet, he looked like a mini Tarzan. He was mistaken for a girl since birth and I had no issue with it. What I did have an issue with was people overly apologising for it and the comments from other family members asking when I was going to cut it. It was none of their business nor was his hair in his eyes or a nuisance for him. He’s also autistic so trying to cut his hair was sometimes a three person job. Why should I cut his hair short when the only issue is that it bothers people who could keep their comments to themselves about what constitutes what they perceive for girls and boys. Even more annoying was MIL not dropping it when she herself has short curly hair. We get on, but this showed me how ingrained her views on gender was. Doubt she would have liked if I asked why she has a short haircut like a boy and bet it would be perceived as rude if I did. If it would be rude for an adult, it should be the same for children.

I was collecting my three year-old grandson from nursery one day, and was taken aside and told that we should get his hair cut so that he would "be secure in his identity as a boy". And it's definitely a class thing where we are.

@WearyGranny

I was collecting my three year-old grandson from nursery one day, and was taken aside and told that we should get his hair cut so that he would "be secure in his identity as a boy". And it's definitely a class thing where we are.

I'd have considered changing nurseries with a comment like that! Utterly ridiculous. You do not need to conform to societal gender norms to be secure in you gender identity!

Mine have very little hair, it's poker straight, fine and very blond but whether they want it short or long is up to them.

Also a little annoying that the boys don’t have to tie their hair up for school but girls do!

Our school has no mention of hair, on boys or girls.

@SoUmmYeah

Also a little annoying that the boys don’t have to tie their hair up for school but girls do!

Our school has no mention of hair, on boys or girls.

Our school carefully doesn't reference boys or girls in their policy, which I like. But I notice that the girls all adhere to it and the boys don't. I couldn't actually say whether girls who don't adhere to it get taken to task or not, but certainly as a parent of a girl me and all the other parents of girl seem to be much more willing to adhere to the policy than the boys and their parents.

The problem is if you apply a stereotype to the person who lets their boy have long hair - you've got super liberal/anti authority/ freedom of children types and they're also the type who don't see why petty school rules re uniform/hair etc should apply to them. And of course it's a stereotype but at our school, certainly in DS' year where there are two boys with long hair in their faces, definitely do come from families like this!

Our school carefully doesn't reference boys or girls in their policy, which I like. But I notice that the girls all adhere to it and the boys don't.

I mean there is no mention of hair. So nothing to adhere to or not.

@LaChatte

DS had negative comments about it all his childhood and kept being told he looked like a girl (why exactly that would be a bad thing is beyond me), he rode it out and now has waist length blonde hair (he's 18). He looks like something out of Lord of the Rings. It's lovely.

Lord of the Rings is the exact reason my son wanted long hair! It got to about shoulder length before he got bored of it.

@WearyGranny

I was collecting my three year-old grandson from nursery one day, and was taken aside and told that we should get his hair cut so that he would "be secure in his identity as a boy". And it's definitely a class thing where we are.

Wtf? That’s insane.