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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boys with long hair?

361 replies

len1234 · 19/07/2020 20:10

I just want to know why people are so against toddler boys or just boys in general having long hair?? I always thought it was cute but I've heard so many rude comments about it lately. It seems to really bother people?

OP posts:
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14
Triffid1 · 21/01/2021 14:35

The associating it with gay is baffling to me. Who knows a gay man with long hair?! I've never met one.

Good point. Me neither.

And without wanting to go into inappropriate detail, I have fond memories of the very-much-not-gay-Brazilian-with-long-hair I may have had a short but intense fling with 25 odd years ago.... Grin

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 21/01/2021 14:41

@Zogstart

I would never pass comment to anyone on their hair, each to their own. Lots of these photos of boys ‘gorgeous long hair’ however, are just normal heads of hair and wouldn’t pass comment if they were on girls heads!
I agree. Its just hair. There nothing spectacular about any of the pictures posted. Why do people feel the need to justify their decision, or their child's decision to have long hair by posting pictures to try and prove how "gorgeous" or "beautiful" it is?
lostandforgotten · 21/01/2021 14:45

This can be a cultural thing too as I know lots of little black and mixed race little boys who have the most beautiful long hair that always looks immaculate and is tied up and arranged into different styles of plaits. I know their mums take great pride in keeping their hair nice and spend ages arranging it into different styles and it suits them. Long hair is a valued feature to be proud of in lots of these circles.

Wexone · 21/01/2021 14:48

My partners nephews had long hair when they were very young. It was a big curly mess. Also dressed in girl like clothes. No problem with that but when I was minding them they would often get called she and comments made on how pretty they were , a cute girl etc. It used to really upset them and I would cringe on their behalf as it wasn't their fault. Hair was matted, knotty and dirty, it would always be in their eyes and in their mouth when they were eating too. Not a fan of it but no problem with long hair on boys but keep it clean and tidy. Then again, long hair and beards on men are a turn off for me :)

Cornetttttto · 21/01/2021 14:48

I think it comes from the fact that long hair isn't the norm. Simple as that. People (most of them) like to fit in and conform so when a child is seen with non conformist hair or clothes then I guess it attracts attention. Children aren't daft and no there's no excusing it but unfortunately, if you stick out, you become a target.

Carysmatthews · 21/01/2021 14:49

@NotExactlyMrsCurrentAffairs

My 8yo DS has gorgeous long hair and has honestly, never had a negative comment about his hair, lots of positive comments though
I’d kill for hair like that 💙
ArabellaScott · 21/01/2021 15:07

My son had long hair until he was about nine. No negative comments, ever.

Crystalclair · 21/01/2021 15:08

@LST that you're a cool, middle class or wanna be middle class mum who let's your child "express themselves" through no doubt YOUR choice/influence. The type that dress girls in boys clothes and boys in girls clothes deliberately to make a point rather than anything else!

niceplumpbird · 21/01/2021 15:10

and I do not like men with long hair either, urrgh, complete turn off. Totally unmasculine and effeminate in my view.

MedusasBadHairDay · 21/01/2021 15:13

The thing I find interesting about this discussion is that the people who don't have a problem with boys having long hair also don't feel the need to make nasty comments about boys with short hair or parents who keep boys hair short.

I imagine that makes some sort of statement too

Coronapool · 21/01/2021 15:16

cloud I'm gay and mix in such circles where I've met and seen many gay men. None of them have long hair. All the men I know with long hair arent feminine by any stretch and all the men I know with effeminate qualities have short, groomed hair. The gay association makes no sense.

Shmithecat2 · 21/01/2021 15:17

[quote Crystalclair]**@LST that you're a cool, middle class or wanna be middle class mum who let's your child "express themselves" through no doubt YOUR choice/influence. The type that dress girls in boys clothes and boys in girls clothes deliberately to make a point rather than anything else![/quote]
I'm not cool, or middle class. I just don't automatically think 'boys have short hair girls have long hair'. DS wears 'boys' clothes. Is firmly into dinosaurs, engines and nerf guns, all stereotypically 'boys' toys. No influence from me, its what he likes. And he likes his hair 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Coronapool · 21/01/2021 15:17

Sorry, that sounds like I'm disagreeing with you! Didnt mean it that way, rushed typing. Just following on from the point you made

Shmithecat2 · 21/01/2021 15:18

@MedusasBadHairDay

The thing I find interesting about this discussion is that the people who don't have a problem with boys having long hair also don't feel the need to make nasty comments about boys with short hair or parents who keep boys hair short.

I imagine that makes some sort of statement too

Indeed...
bridgerton · 21/01/2021 15:20

The boy I saw yesterday with long dread locks certainly didnt look girly.

Crystalclair · 21/01/2021 15:25

@Medusa Actually the OP asked a question, and it's being answered. Obviously loads will agree with her a some wont. I dont go out of my way to comment on another parent's decisions, and I most certainly don't give it any headspace. But if asked, my answer is I don't like it. And in my experience, it's mostly a certain kind of person that likes their son to have long hair.

WatchWatch · 21/01/2021 15:29

Crystalclair

I guess you can think that, but it doesn't make it true. I let my kids express themselves however they want. Kids get so little control over stuff, how they have their hair, the clothes they wear and the amount of food they eat are about all we can offer them to control - they have to be educated, get virtually no say over their health, don't get to say when they have to get dressed or leave the house, whether they can buy x, y or z. So if they have to wear clothes, I will include them in the purchase of those clothes and DS will almost invariably choose a pink version of what ever it is if there is one. We got a "pay your age day" ticket at build a bear, he could literally have any teddy in the shop, he chose a pink one, we jus stood back and let him look. He chose the pink one over the dinosaur, over the Marshall one etc. And he still loves that pink doggy.

MedusasBadHairDay · 21/01/2021 15:33

[quote Crystalclair]@Medusa Actually the OP asked a question, and it's being answered. Obviously loads will agree with her a some wont. I dont go out of my way to comment on another parent's decisions, and I most certainly don't give it any headspace. But if asked, my answer is I don't like it. And in my experience, it's mostly a certain kind of person that likes their son to have long hair.[/quote]
The OP asked why people were so rude, not to give her examples of rudeness Grin

Nowayhozay · 21/01/2021 15:34

I think it's nice, why not if they like it long I don't see it being an issue.
My DS has had his shoulder length for the last few years it's a little longer now but he looks after it, keeps it clean and brushed.

ReggieKrait · 21/01/2021 15:44

I think it’s just a matter of personal taste.

I really don’t like it because I think it makes the kid look messy and dishevelled. But it’s none of my business what other people do with their child’s hair and I’d always keep my opinion to myself.

I come from an extremely curly haired family so for us it’s never really been an option for boys. Just doesn’t look good.

BiBabbles · 21/01/2021 15:55

It is frustrating, with little ones people seem to feel free to comment about whatever they dislike and I always seemed to annoy someone who wanted to tell me about it.

There wasn't much issue when mine were little beyond a few people who wanted to argue they were 'too pretty to be boys', but as they got older, my sons definitely got rude comments and it was noticeable that when there were rules about hair having to be pulled back that my older son was held to higher standards on what was neatly pulled back and told off more - like my son would get told off while there were multiple girls with their long hair entirely down.

When my oldest was about 8 or so, people started to ask if he was 'really a girl' - I could just about get little kids, but we even had some adults who knew him pull that, one started to use the feminine version of his name especially if he had anything in his hair including those black athletic hairbands. He ended up really upset about it. He spent a couple weeks at his grandparents one summer and nearly scalped himself with scissors as he thought it was the only way to get other people to stop making those comments, he just wanted to be "seen as a cool guy". That was about 5 years ago, he now wears a long half fringe, but keeps the rest short.

And no, we weren't 'making a statement'. Their father and I both have waist-length hair, my default is to not mess with it unless it's a problem, but now my children are old enough to take care of their hair and can pick their own hair length & style (All of my children have had a really short hair phase. I now have an 11-year-old with microbangs, which is not a style I understand, but it makes her happy). Where I'm from, long hair on guys is more commonly associated with certain ethnic groups and teen rebellion, so I've not really seen it as a class thing.

Crystalclair · 21/01/2021 16:01

Theres a difference between someone being vocal about their opinions when not asked, and being honest about their opinions when asked.

I can't sugar coat my answer, because theres no way around it without lying. Doesn't make me rude. I'd never go up to someone and express my opinion unless asked.

HarrysWife · 21/01/2021 16:45

I don't like long hair worn down on either gender. I don't mind if its tied up or done nicely and out of their face but I just think it looks so messy on small children. Boys in particular don't tend to clip it back or keep it out of their face so this adds to the dislike for me. So nothing to do with their gender, more the overall look and preferring smart hair.

HikeForward · 21/01/2021 16:46

Interesting take on it - cut his hair because some kids have been brought up thinking it's ok to bully other kids when their hairstyle doesn't fit a stereotype? Yeah, no. I'd rather encourage my son to keep his hair as long as he wants for as long as he wants.

Sadly some kids always bully, and a boy having a very feminine hairstyle is more likely to become a target.

It’s not about a haircut sending the right or wrong messages, more the damage bullying or prolonged teasing can do to a child’s self esteem. If he’s very confident, assertive and sure of himself then peers’ opinions won’t matter to him and he can shake off any negative comments.

Has he grown it long because he genuinely loves it this way... or is he trying to please you, knowing you approve of his non stereotypical long hair?

You say you’d cut it if he asked, but contradict this by saying if he wanted it cut due to bullying you’d encourage him not to. Yet wanting to fit in and have the respect of peers becomes very important to most kids at some stage. What’s wrong with wanting to blend in and have a hairstyle like the boys in his class, if that’s what he wants at some stage?

There are so many lovely short hairstyles, I find it hard to understand why you consider all short hairstyles ‘stereotypical’?

Personally I wouldn’t let my DD do something drastically different with her hair at this age, as I feel it’s setting her up for being teased or bullied. At 6 I’d rather she valued other things over her hair, so we keep it in a practical no-fuss style that suits her and is easy to care for without clips or bobbles or grips. When she’s a teenager she has plenty of time to experiment with her hair and challenge social norms (if she wants to).

LST · 21/01/2021 17:07

@crystalclair you are so so wrong it is untrue. I would be so embarrassed to be you 🤣 I have lived in a council house since I was 18 and the only reason I now don't is because I got made redundant last year so managed to get a deposit. The only reason my son has long hair is because he wants to look like his biker grandad who at 60 still has longer nicer hair than me.

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