Boys with long hair?

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I just want to know why people are so against toddler boys or just boys in general having long hair?? I always thought it was cute but I've heard so many rude comments about it lately. It seems to really bother people?

DS1, DS3 and DS4 all have long hair. DS2 wanted his short. It's all down to personal choice.

@LST I'm not embarrassed though. You asked a question, I answered. You can't tell me I'm wrong when I'm talking about my personal experience with people. Obviously I can't directly comment on you, because I've never met you.

I love how people ask something then tell me I'm wrong for my opinion. Disagree all you like, but I will never think I'm wrong.

Personally I don't like long hair on men or boys. In all honesty, I can't rationalise it - partly because it can look a bit straggly but I think I just prefer the look of shorter hair. But everyone should feel free to wear their hair in whatever style they choose.

I would never make a negative comment on a boy with long hair. Not least because I'm female with short hair so am used to people feeling the need to ask me why I have short, rather than long, hair.

I've had short hair for nearly 20 years but one of my friends from uni tells me every time we meet that he preferred me with long hair. Thanks for the feedback... I exercise enough restraint not to answer that I preferred it when he had hair.. just smile through and answer the question for the hundredth time :)

My DS aged 17 has two best mates, both of whom are also 17yr old boys, short in height and have shoulder-length hair which is nicely cut and tidy. They've always had long hair - even before they met each other at secondary school - and have never been bullied for it or for being 'small'. Their parents are just regular adults, not hippy or cool or druggies or anything else. Both boys have male siblings who choose to have short hair. They both play football competitively. And theyre not gay. My DS couldn't care less. And I love his friends for their solid individuality (and they're lovely boys in general).
Hair is hair and it's no more gendered than colour, clothes, toys or occupations. As long as it's clean, who cares?

@crystalcliar you can have an opinion about anything. Doesnt make it right. Your assumption is totally wrong and I have just proved it

Are they? I've never come across that before

My son goes to a school for children with autism. Its mixed sex. The children either have short hair because they find long hair flappy and irritating or long hair because they simply cant tolerate the hairdresser. Sex doesnt come into it.

My boy has long curly hair . Never had negative comments

I think it's a pretty good rite of passage/phase for boys to go through when they're i their teens, but i can't say i'm a fan at all of it on 'boys' who are much younger or older than this.

Pretty sure all boys will have long hair by the time lockdown is over .

@HikeForward

Interesting take on it - cut his hair because some kids have been brought up thinking it's ok to bully other kids when their hairstyle doesn't fit a stereotype? Yeah, no. I'd rather encourage my son to keep his hair as long as he wants for as long as he wants.

Sadly some kids always bully, and a boy having a very feminine hairstyle is more likely to become a target.

And I think the bullies should be brought to task rather than my son have to have his hair cut to get rid of them and their idiotic thinking.

It’s not about a haircut sending the right or wrong messages, more the damage bullying or prolonged teasing can do to a child’s self esteem. If he’s very confident, assertive and sure of himself then peers’ opinions won’t matter to him and he can shake off any negative comments.

He's confident in the same way that any other regualar 5yo is. I intend to make sure he stays that way as he gets older. Either way, the solution to bullying of this type is NOT to conform to what they want, surely?

Has he grown it long because he genuinely loves it this way... or is he trying to please you, knowing you approve of his non stereotypical long hair?

Again, he's 5yo and couldn't give a shit about pleasing me. He doesn't want it cut, its always a battle to even get it trimmed.

You say you’d cut it if he asked, but contradict this by saying if he wanted it cut due to bullying you’d encourage him not to.

I'd encourage him not to cut his hair just because the bullies think it should be cut. Why on earth would I do otherwise?

Yet wanting to fit in and have the respect of peers becomes very important to most kids at some stage. What’s wrong with wanting to blend in and have a hairstyle like the boys in his class, if that’s what he wants at some stage?

If that's what HE wants, purely based on his wants, not based on others expectations of what a boy's hair cut should be, then fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️. And with his height, he's never going to blend in, just as I didn't. It's not an issue.

There are so many lovely short hairstyles, I find it hard to understand why you consider all short hairstyles ‘stereotypical’?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? It's quite clear from this thread that lots of people, including you, think that boys should have short hair. Stereotypical, no?

Personally I wouldn’t let my DD do something drastically different with her hair at this age, as I feel it’s setting her up for being teased or bullied. At 6 I’d rather she valued other things over her hair, so we keep it in a practical no-fuss style that suits her and is easy to care for without clips or bobbles or grips. When she’s a teenager she has plenty of time to experiment with her hair and challenge social norms (if she wants to).

Good for you? I'm not sure what your point is though. My son hasn't done anything drastic to his hair. It's just grown . Thankfully, so far, none of his peers think his hair is odd or weird or worth being bullied over. It's pretty shameful that a class full of 5 year olds can show up a forum full of adults really.

FHS. Long hair on both sexes was traditional in Celtic, Indian, Mongolian, Arabic, African and Nordic cultures from childhood to adulthood..

Those who had sharp bronze or iron early on did start shaving and cutting hair as did the Egyptians, Romans and Greeks. Some men cut their hair because it was a danger in battle.

Apart from nits which make long hair a bugger for children and parents, what's wrong? If Beckham can wear a man bun what's odd about boys wearing long hair?

I let my kids express themselves however they want. Kids get so little control over stuff, how they have their hair, the clothes they wear and the amount of food they eat are about all we can offer them to control

Do we really let them choose these things though? Most parents control their kids portion sizes, restrict sugar and unhealthy food, steer them towards nutritious food choices. Nobody wants their child to be obese or underweight and suffer health wise. Are we not responsible for feeding them appropriate amounts for their age?

In very cold weather we make them wear hats, thermals, coats, jumpers, mittens etc so they don’t get hypothermia. In rain they have to wear waterproofs and hoods and boots or they’ll be cold and damp in school all day. In summer they get slathered in suncream and made to wear a hat and lightweight clothing and drink extra water (if we didn’t control this they’d risk sunburn and heat exhaustion).

Schools often specify hair must be tidy and tied back or off the collar, no hair dye, no extreme styles. So boys with long hair don’t really get a choice to have it loose, they have to tie it up like the girls. Uniform most days.

I think the biggest choices we can give them are what toys they want to play with, what games, when do they want to go out for a walk, shall we go to the woods or the beach etc? Which game do they want to play first? Do they want cereal or toast? Bath in the morning or evening? Little choices, built into the day.

Obviously I’m thinking of young children here not teenagers.

This is my DS (7). No one has ever said anything negative to my face but plenty of children at school ask him why he looks like a girl - less so now as he's had long hair for a few years.

New children he meets (pre covid!) often refuse to believe he's a boy - even if he's wearing 'boy' type clothes and explicitly tells them he's a boy. Most adults also assume he's a girl. He now corrects them which often makes them embarrassed and apologise (there's nothing to apologise for!).

In terms of cutting his hair it was always mid length until at about 4 he said he wanted to grow it out. My view is that it's his hair so he can do what he wants with it.

I do get the impression that people think we make him have long hair which isn't true. Every now and again I check in whether he wants it cut and he's adamant he doesn't.

I guess not everyone lets their children know they have a choice about their appearance. I imagine the majority just take their sons to the barber and get a 'boys' cut.

Mine had longish curls and it never bothered us. However he was often told at school to get a hair cut and then did. It grew very quickly and was bushy. Still is!

All my children are allowed to do as they please with their hair. DD(12) is currently growing out a No2 all over and looks a right state 😂 DS (16) has long curly hair but is contemplating a cut (he has been contemplating for 3yrs so far 😂) DD (14) has waist length blonde hair which she always wears down and DD (10) has a chin length bob. When I was a kid my mum never let me make a single decision about how I looked so this is my reaction to that I guess.

HikeForward

I think you misunderstood my point. My job as a parent (regarding food) is to offer a variety of nutritious food at regular meal times and snacks. My child has control over whether they eat what is provided. No coaxing, bribing or bargaining. Food is eaten or not, their choice, usually with a gentle reminder of when the next meal or snack is. So yes, they get choice is how much they eat.

In very cold weather we make them wear hats, thermals, coats, jumpers, mittens etc so they don’t get hypothermia. In rain they have to wear waterproofs and hoods and boots or they’ll be cold and damp in school all day. In summer they get slathered in suncream and made to wear a hat and lightweight clothing and drink extra water (if we didn’t control this they’d risk sunburn and heat exhaustion).

You might. I don't. Want to wear t shirt and short in the snow- have at it. I make sure I pack appropriate clothing so that when they get cold we can put it on. Want to splash in muddy puddles in your sandles- go for it. I take wet wipes and spare shoes and socks. Don't want to put on suncream? Fine you have to sit under the parasol all day. I've never once tried to persuade my children to drink extra water, it's just freely available.

School uniform - does he want long sleeved shirt or short? Jumper on or in his bag, shorts or trousers? Hair has to be up, do you want a ponytail, plait, bun or bunches? What colour bobble?

Choices, choices, choices. As many choices as I can allow.

DS8 has long hair (well, just above shoulders) and we’ve had no negative comments, only many many compliments 🤷‍♀️ He looks like a rock star to me. Might be different if we kept it perfectly brushed all the time - that doesn’t exactly happen it’s messy seconds after brushing

Amen @watchwatch! Same here.

@ukgift2016

Pretty sure the mothers who keep their sons hair long always wanted a girl...very sad.

The boys look silly.

Yeah all those Sikh parents just wanted a girl

And I think the bullies should be brought to task rather than my son have to have his hair cut to get rid of them and their idiotic thinking

Your son is 5. Young children who bully usually have deep psychological problems, anger issues, often they’ve experienced trauma/neglect/abuse. They may be victims too. It’s not ‘idiotic thinking’ but instinctive behaviour in some children. Even kids from stable backgrounds can tease and judge, or reflect the views of their parents. Yes they should be pulled up on it but it won’t necessarily stop.
A boy with long hair worn in a feminine style of bun, in a class full of boys with short hairstyles; don’t you fear he’ll become a target for teasing/bullying (maybe not now but in school years to come). Unless of course long hair is popular with boys in his school.

He's confident in the same way that any other regualar 5yo is. I intend to make sure he stays that way as he gets older. Either way, the solution to bullying of this type is NOT to conform to what they want, surely?

Unless your son WANTS to conform. Not all boys want to be mistaken for girls or teased mercilessly for having long hair. Many just want to look like the other boys from a certain point.

Again, he's 5yo and couldn't give a shit about pleasing me. He doesn't want it cut, its always a battle to even get it trimmed

Interesting, so he’s never experienced short hair? He doesn’t like the barbers/scissors/clippers? Not many children like having their hair cut at first IME. Mine didn’t. But I told them regular trims are like going to the dentist, or having a bath/shower, it’s good for the health of their hair. Once they realised it was non negotiable they took regular hair cuts in their stride.
My DD’s hair was quite long and overgrown at one point, she didn’t like going to the hairdressers but was delighted when it was cut into a short bob, felt ‘airy and light’ (her words) and no more battles with clips and tangle teezers and leave in conditioners.

I'd encourage him not to cut his hair just because the bullies think it should be cut. Why on earth would I do otherwise?

But that might be the very reason he wants it cut one day. He might get fed up of the comments and make a decision based on that. In a child’s mind, if other kids keep making fun of your long ‘girly’ hair the logical solution is to have it cut into a less feminine style? I understand what you’re saying, that as adults we wouldn’t conform in that way, but kids often just want to fit in with their peer group.

If that's what HE wants, purely based on his wants, not based on others expectations of what a boy's hair cut should be, then fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️. And with his height, he's never going to blend in, just as I didn't. It's not an issue.

His height is a different thing entirely, height isn’t something we choose. Hair length and style is. If he wants it cut he wants it cut (whether it’s to stop bullying, try something new, make it easier to wash/comb/style or to fit in with his classmates etc). I’m not sure he needs to explain his reasons or even separate them? Hair grows again if he changes his mind later.

It's quite clear from this thread that lots of people, including you, think that boys should have short hair. Stereotypical, no?

No not at all. I think some boys suit the ‘surfer dude’ look and some don’t.
I don’t think all boys should have short hair, any more than I think girls should have long hair. But also I don’t think parents should encourage children to go for a controversial hair style at such a delicate age. Lots of kids hate being mistaken for the wrong gender or not fitting in with their peers. But if parents keep praising their beautiful long hair and controversial spirit and telling them to ignore the bullies, is that in the child’s best interests? (I’m not saying you do these things, but I know women who do in order to encourage their little boys not to cut their hair.)

I'd say men look better with short hair, and fewer can carry off long hair.

As for children, it can look as if the parents can't be bothered to get it cut properly. Just letting hair grow for months or years does not make for a good look, just a messy one. Long hair needs attention to look good, on a male or a female.

I cant help thinking that some people who think men carry off short hair better and long hair is for women mot men are just conditioned to think that way rather than thinking for themselves

@Daphnise I get loads of comments about how nice and healthy my hair is. I haven't had it cut for at least 4 years.