Boys with long hair?

[len1234]

I just want to know why people are so against toddler boys or just boys in general having long hair?? I always thought it was cute but I've heard so many rude comments about it lately. It seems to really bother people?

Definitely a class thing

@Member go on?

Jesus christ @watchwatch parents like you are part of the problem of why kids are growing up so entitled, and they can't quite understand why they can't do whatever they want when they enter adulthood.

DS15 has hair past his shoulders. I don't love it but it's his hair and I think at 15 it's up to him what he does with it. School are fine with it - tbh I don't see how a school could object nowadays given girls generally have long hair. It has to be tied up for PE and when he plays for his football team so then he has a man bun. Whatever. None issue imo.

It just seems to be a middle class badge of honour in my neck of the woods, that's all

@member that's what I was trying to get at. Obviously that's not going to apply to everyone, but from where I am, it's very much so the case.

@member haha another one! You couldn't be further from the truth.

Yes Crystalclair I completely understand and agree with your pov

@LST why do you think this is just about you?

(Idly wondering if the 'give them choices' argument extends to choices with which their parents do not concur)

@crystalclair who said it was? 2 people have made incorrect judgements. I was just correcting them

Daphnise

But for me it isn't about what I think looks good on my son. It's about how he feels about his hair. He wants it long like a princess, so he's growing it, he doesn't want it cut, at all. So yes, it looks uneven and a bit straggly but it's clean and doesn't smell.

For what it's worth, I much prefer him with short hair. But not my hair, not my choice!

Idly wondering if the 'give them choices' argument extends to choices with which their parents do not concur

Of course it does. Otherwise it isn't a choice is it?

@LST two people have said, that where they live, it seems to be a middle class/badge of honour thing. You are saying we are wrong. Do you live where we both live to know we are wrong about what we see with our very own eyes?

I've acknowledged that SOME people have genuine reasons. Perhaps you are one of those. But you dont seem to acknowledge what we are saying.

Jesus christ @watchwatch parents like you are part of the problem of why kids are growing up so entitled, and they can't quite understand why they can't do whatever they want when they enter adulthood.

Why? My children don't think they can do whatever they want. They can't. I'm not a permissive parent, cheering on the their child as they kick the heads off the flower beds. But I don't insist everything is done my way, on my timescale and how I want. Because my children are autonomous beings with feelings and views of their own.

LST you do realise it's ok to have different opinions, right?

Surely it depends on how the long hair looks , and if it suits the individual boy, their hair type and their overall look, rather that disliking long hair per se?

I like long hair sometimes, it depends on the texture, the cut, whether it "fits" that particular boy as a whole. I dislike some styles to be honest, I think a very straight neat fringe on a long haired boy looks a bit odd really, and it's more an American look. I also am not too keen on the long curly blonde cherub look on older boys once they get to about 9 or so (longer blonde curls and shorter at the front). On cute little toddlers it looks sweet, but once boys get to around 8-9 or so and they're tearing round playing football they don't tend to want to look "sweet", do they, so I often think I dislike it because I worry they will get picked on for looking a bit soft (like Cupid, kind of soft).

Cute surfer dude type cuts look nice as long as the boy himself seems to like it and it "fits" his own style, rather than the parent trying to foist their own idea of style onto their child. And by that last bit I mean I really am not keen seeing tiny little kids in Nirvana T-shirts etc, if the baby has never heard of Nirvana and has no opinion of them why would you dress them in it? Just wear one yourself. I assume it's to invite approving comments from band-loving mates. I feel a little bit different about football kids on babies. Not for me but I understand the need for indoctrination ).

I love long afro hair on boys too.

I often wonder if mums like to play with and plait their sons' long hair the same way as they might with their daughter's absentmindedly while watching tv etc? I remember in infants school during stories our teachers let us plait each other's hair while we were listening. Like a load of monkeys grooming each other. . It was so relaxing having someone play with your hair.

rednsparkley My 11-year-old is doing the same as your 12-year-old, though my DD added in microbangs once it got long enough to be in her eyes. Like you, I'd no control over my hair as a child so it's been... interesting if cringey at times watching her figure out her hair.

My hair is going to be 'messy' unless I follow my daughter's example in shaving it. I've been tempted, it gets frizzy so easily, but when it's smooth-wavy, the temptation fades cause it just feels like me.

Kinda laughing at needing a genuine reason to have long hair - wtf is a genuine reason for long hair? Sure, for some middle class parents it's a badge of honour to let their young sons have long hair - I've seen it associated with not confoming to British gender roles which I guess can be seen as a middle class thing in the UK - but I live in a mixed class area where several of my teenage daughter's friends discuss how their parents won't let them cut their hair (this comes up a lot as my daughters both started secondary with short hair). Girls whose hair is apparently their family's pride and joy & just looks too nice to cut. Class cultures is weird and localized like that and I think it's weird for parents to do whichever sex the child is, but no one needs a reason for long or short hair.

Idly wondering if the 'give them choices' argument extends to choices with which their parents do not concur

For some parents, it probably doesn't - I've definitely seen some loud proponents of choice be the ones who swoop in about how they'll decide what's best. Others, we come up with compromises or choices within contexts & limits or just deal with choices we don't like. I certainly did not choose to live with a child with a mullet over the first lockdown because shaving just the front of the head seemed like a great idea somehow (so happy when they grew out). I do have a limit that I don't buy hair dye - having been forcibly bleached as a child, helping my son the first time he wanted to add semi-perm. to his fringe was already a painful stretch, but it was his own purchase and he doesn't attend anywhere that cares if his hair has a magenta fringe so it was his choice.

I remember in infants school during stories our teachers let us plait each other's hair while we were listening. Like a load of monkeys grooming each other. grin. It was so relaxing having someone play with your hair.

I did that so much in school! There was a thing then at my school about trying to do as many tiny braids as possible, and we do them while the teacher read, it was very nice. I still like having my hair played with.

I personally don't like long hair on boys though I totally own that this is my issue and fit with the messages I got in my working class upbringing. So if I find myself judging a boy for having long hair I argue with myself (all in my head). That said, I think it seems less common for boys to tie their hair back than girls. So their hair is more likely to be full of snot and ratty looking. Man buns may be the way to go. I don't like them but so what? I don't need to, they're not for me. I have a son, I would, of course, let him grow his hair if he wanted. But like my daughter I would insist it's properly tied back if doing sport, running around and if he chose to have long hair before he was old enough to not let it get caught in the snot falling out of his nose when he had a cold. I'd also want him to know that some people would mistake him for a girl but that's OK with me if it's OK with him.

Social conditioning is all it is. For me, I can’t think of any logical reason why boys/men shouldn’t have long hair, I wouldn’t like it if it was announced that girls/women aren’t allowed short hair. Personally, I like long hair on the opposite sex. Why we’re so keen on having these types of rules is beyond me and it only leads to more division which we could do without if I’m honest, surely there are plenty of important things to worry about in our already short lives?

Interesting, so he’s never experienced short hair? He doesn’t like the barbers/scissors/clippers? Not many children like having their hair cut at first IME. Mine didn’t. But I told them regular trims are like going to the dentist, or having a bath/shower, it’s good for the health of their hair. Once they realised it was non negotiable they took regular hair cuts in their stride.

Countless women have never ‘experienced short hair’. I haven’t; my sister hasn’t; in the 25 years I’ve known her, my best friend has never gone shorter than jaw level. Funny how no one is suggesting that maybe we’d like short hair if only we’d just try it...

I find it quite sad that, on a female-led site, there are still several people against long hair on boys (one poster even putting ‘boys’ in quotation marks) on the basis that they might be mistaken for girls. Is that really the worst thing you can imagine happening to a boy?

As for all the posters saying ‘Oh, you’re just making a point by keeping their hair long; is it you that wants it long or them?’ - how many of you have asked your daughters if they want their hair long?

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Interesting, so he’s never experienced short hair? He doesn’t like the barbers/scissors/clippers? Not many children like having their hair cut at first IME. Mine didn’t. But I told them regular trims are like going to the dentist, or having a bath/shower, it’s good for the health of their hair. Once they realised it was non negotiable they took regular hair cuts in their stride.

Countless women have never ‘experienced short hair’. I haven’t; my sister hasn’t; in the 25 years I’ve known her, my best friend has never gone shorter than jaw level. Funny how no one is suggesting that maybe we’d like short hair if only we’d just try it...

I find it quite sad that, on a female-led site, there are still several people against long hair on boys (one poster even putting ‘boys’ in quotation marks) on the basis that they might be mistaken for girls. Is that really the worst thing you can imagine happening to a boy?

As for all the posters saying ‘Oh, you’re just making a point by keeping their hair long; is it you that wants it long or them?’ - how many of you have asked your daughters if they want their hair long?

Yup! Exactly

It’s a class thing here.

Long hair on boys is ‘fashionable’ and only the wannabe middle class do it to try and look posh.

Boys and girls hair just looks the same long to me, I don’t see the difference really. I don’t think their hair looks better than the next girls hair- it’s not extra special because it’s on a boy.

Also a little annoying that the boys don’t have to tie their hair up for school but girls do!

My dd (age 6, before lockdown) kept seeing the same long haired young man in the supermarket. He must have been half an aisle ahead of us...
She waved and smiled a couple of times. Then asked me if she could say hello. And tell him he had very pretty hair.
The tattooed bearded biker bloke with a collection of visible piercings was delighted to be told he was beautiful.
We finished our shopping together chatting away.
On the other hand, we had a family support worker on a home visit.
She was very confused at the pictures I had up on the walls. 1. Why are there no pictures of ds? But plenty of dd.
And what happened to the older girl in the other pictures?
Yep. Ds used to sit on his hair. He was a kid who would run and hide If anybody suggested a haircut

Until he got to high school. At the end of y7 he had it cut for charity.
He could sit on his hair from age3 .
He liked the mini rock star look.

And in contrast, I decided at 17 to have a very short cut (motorcycle was my only transport, ex suggested short hair would be easier with a helmet).
I hated it. It always looked awful when I took my helmet off. All sweaty and stuck to my head.
Long hair under helmet was fine. Pony tail / plait tucked in to my jacket. Still looked ok when I got there.