Boys with long hair?

[len1234]

I just want to know why people are so against toddler boys or just boys in general having long hair?? I always thought it was cute but I've heard so many rude comments about it lately. It seems to really bother people?

[MissMarpleDarling]

My teen has long hair now. I did order clippers and cut his hair in the first lockdown as he allways had it short, but I did a crap job so didn't try again. He loves it long

[HikeForward]

But is there anything intrinsically wrong about letting a child choose their haircut? Why are you trying to suggest this is something to avoid?

It’s personal choice of course, we all parent differently and have different views.

Personally I don’t think a young child needs (or benefits) from autonomy over their haircut/hairstyle, any more than they need control over how often they bath, brush their teeth, whether they eat breakfast before school etc.

I keep my DD’s hair in a short, tidy bob as she hates clips/bobbles. Too much brushing or fuss like plaiting and deep conditioning upsets her. Long hair gets in her face and eyes or in paint/mud or catches on things. I got her used to haircuts and hairdressers from a young age so she doesn’t fear them when she’s older. She’s 6 now and enjoys having hair cuts!

I think short hair on children is generally easier and quicker to wash, dry, keep tangle-free and nit-free. Quicker to get ready for school. Regular trims is good for hair health as it removes split ends. It’s easier to keep it neat and tidy, until they’re at an age where hair suddenly becomes important (?9/10) and they want hairstyles like their peers or the latest fashions. Once she reaches that age I’ll let her choose the style and length she wants, provided it’s manageable and neat for school.

If I had a boy I think I’d just keep it short from toddler-hood, for the reasons above, and also because being mistaken for a girl constantly could be confusing?
If we lived in a culture where long hair on boys was the norm I’d be less inclined to make regular barber visits, but here short hair on boys seems very much the social norm. I’d worry a little boy would be teased or bullied for having long hair.

[LunchBoxPolice]

A boy in my son’s class has long blonde curly hair down to his waist. His mum uses the curly girl method on his hair and her own, she likes to mention at every possible opportunity that he has “beautiful curly hair just like her”. Except he doesn’t, it’s greasy and matted and constantly in his face. If it was clean and looked after properly it would look ok, but as it is the kid always looks a mess. That’s a common look with the cg method though.

[theThreeofWeevils]

no-one can resist a kid with curls
How much do you want to bet?

I dislike long hair on small boys, and wonder whether their parents think they are making some kind of statement. Not keen on it on small girls either, unless it is kept firmly plaited.
And even the firmest of plaits is no defence against nits.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Lots of ways to teach a child to be assertive without giving them multiple choices over their hair and clothes.

Who said there wasn’t? But is there anything intrinsically wrong about letting a child choose their haircut? Why are you trying to suggest this is something to avoid?

[Updatemate]

I find it sad that a young child would even care about their hair. As long as it’s clean, healthy, nit-free and doesn’t hamper their play, why focus on it?

We don't focus on it, at all. Which is why it is long. Short hair requires regular cutting. DH goes to the barbers and DC are asked if they want to go as well. That's as much focus as it gets unless they ask for it styled, which they don't. It's brushed daily, but that is regardless of length and washed weekly, again, regardless of length.

[HikeForward]

I would always rather a child who is assertive than one who complies!

Lots of ways to teach a child to be assertive without giving them multiple choices over their hair and clothes.

I find it sad that a young child would even care about their hair. As long as it’s clean, healthy, nit-free and doesn’t hamper their play, why focus on it?

Same with clothes. I let mine choose which joggers/leggings she wants, and in winter her drawer has a range of long sleeved tops in different colours. She knows she must choose a jumper and coat if she wants to play outside in the cold. If it’s very cold and we’re going for a hike I tell her to put thermal base layers on. We don’t have time to waste going back and forth. Same with school, summer clothes aren’t an option (or even visible). I can’t turn round half way to school because she’s cold and wearing clothes inappropriate for the weather.

She’s a very assertive, confident 6 year old. With plenty of other, more exciting choices to make!

[ReggieKrait]

In my area though it DOES seem to be a class thing - traditional white working class area with strong conformation to gender stereotypes. I am not from here originally.

It’s just not seen here, at all. The only time I come across young boys with long hair is on days out, and nine times out of ten the families do appear middle class.

People here tend to be very chatty and opinionated, and I can just imagine some nosy old person passing comment about it in the street.......!

[homeedder1979]

Two of my 3 DC are male (age 6 & 9) and both have long-ish hair.

They have it because they like it not because I want them too. They hate going to the hairdressers but occasionally I do force them to have a trim.

I’m totally biased obviously but they both look gorgeous and it suits their personalities. They aren’t ‘football’ boys, they are gentle types. I think it gives boys a softer look somehow. They only ever get comments from much older relatives along the lines of “oh I see you’ve not had a haircut yet”. So f*ckin rude! Imagine if I said the same to a girl.

It’s interesting to me that some posters think it’s a middle class thing, I guess I can see what they’re saying but it’s too sweeping a statement.

We home educate and a lot of the boys at our classes etc have longer hair. They are real individuals and interesting kids. So I’m agreeing that there is something in the ‘alternative, hippy family’ theory
These aren’t wannabes though, they truly are a bit hippy/alternate as I guess we are in some ways.

Wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same!

[Triffid1]

@SoUmmYeah

Our school carefully doesn't reference boys or girls in their policy, which I like. But I notice that the girls all adhere to it and the boys don't.

I mean there is no mention of hair. So nothing to adhere to or not.

Aaah, I see. Fair enough then. But ours tells students with long hair it must be out of their eyes for learning and tied back so that it doesn't catch on things or get in the way, particularly during PE. So the girls all have plaits and pony tails and hair clips etc, and the boys with long hair just have it swinging free. Drives me CRAZY!!!

[BringPizza]

Lots of small boys with shoulder length hair round here, but the mothers fancy themselves as bohemian free-spirits, which is a laugh considering the only way to afford living here is to be a corporate wage slave

[VinylDetective]

@WearyGranny

I was collecting my three year-old grandson from nursery one day, and was taken aside and told that we should get his hair cut so that he would "be secure in his identity as a boy". And it's definitely a class thing where we are.

Wtf? That’s insane.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

@LaChatte

DS had negative comments about it all his childhood and kept being told he looked like a girl (why exactly that would be a bad thing is beyond me), he rode it out and now has waist length blonde hair (he's 18). He looks like something out of Lord of the Rings. It's lovely.

Lord of the Rings is the exact reason my son wanted long hair! It got to about shoulder length before he got bored of it.

[SoUmmYeah]

Our school carefully doesn't reference boys or girls in their policy, which I like. But I notice that the girls all adhere to it and the boys don't.

I mean there is no mention of hair. So nothing to adhere to or not.

[Triffid1]

@SoUmmYeah

Also a little annoying that the boys don’t have to tie their hair up for school but girls do!

Our school has no mention of hair, on boys or girls.

Our school carefully doesn't reference boys or girls in their policy, which I like. But I notice that the girls all adhere to it and the boys don't. I couldn't actually say whether girls who don't adhere to it get taken to task or not, but certainly as a parent of a girl me and all the other parents of girl seem to be much more willing to adhere to the policy than the boys and their parents.

The problem is if you apply a stereotype to the person who lets their boy have long hair - you've got super liberal/anti authority/ freedom of children types and they're also the type who don't see why petty school rules re uniform/hair etc should apply to them. And of course it's a stereotype but at our school, certainly in DS' year where there are two boys with long hair in their faces, definitely do come from families like this!

[SoUmmYeah]

Also a little annoying that the boys don’t have to tie their hair up for school but girls do!

Our school has no mention of hair, on boys or girls.

[SoUmmYeah]

@WearyGranny

I was collecting my three year-old grandson from nursery one day, and was taken aside and told that we should get his hair cut so that he would "be secure in his identity as a boy". And it's definitely a class thing where we are.

I'd have considered changing nurseries with a comment like that! Utterly ridiculous. You do not need to conform to societal gender norms to be secure in you gender identity!

Mine have very little hair, it's poker straight, fine and very blond but whether they want it short or long is up to them.

[WearyGranny]

I was collecting my three year-old grandson from nursery one day, and was taken aside and told that we should get his hair cut so that he would "be secure in his identity as a boy". And it's definitely a class thing where we are.

[phoenixrosehere]

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself

It is. My oldest has straight hair and it went on to full curls that when it was wet, he looked like a mini Tarzan. He was mistaken for a girl since birth and I had no issue with it. What I did have an issue with was people overly apologising for it and the comments from other family members asking when I was going to cut it. It was none of their business nor was his hair in his eyes or a nuisance for him. He’s also autistic so trying to cut his hair was sometimes a three person job. Why should I cut his hair short when the only issue is that it bothers people who could keep their comments to themselves about what constitutes what they perceive for girls and boys. Even more annoying was MIL not dropping it when she herself has short curly hair. We get on, but this showed me how ingrained her views on gender was. Doubt she would have liked if I asked why she has a short haircut like a boy and bet it would be perceived as rude if I did. If it would be rude for an adult, it should be the same for children.

[HamAndButterSandwich]

@judgypantsoff

Exactly, There are so many times in children's lives when they simply don't have control I have no idea why you'd exert control over them when you don't have to. Kids don't learn to become independent by being told what to do all the time. My kids can wear what they like within reason. They can decide for themselves when they're hot and need to take off their jumper or when they're cold and need a coat. Most kids older than 4 are more than capable of doing this.

If my son wanted to grow his hair long I'd chat to him about what will be involved in keeping in clean and brushed, what other people might think about it and I'd leave the decision for him.

[georgarina]

I agree it can be cute. My DS has short hair but I don't have anything against it long - there's a boy at his nursery with beautiful shoulder-length hair.

Same with things like painting nails, playing dress up, etc. A lot of very pointlessly narrow minded views - thankfully the tide seems to be turning.

[Wakeupalready]

Perve not leave.

[Wakeupalready]

I have found it's often the people that are finding old gender norms changing challenging that get all wound up about it and heterosexual males who assume long hair = girl from behind, and leave away only to find they've been eying off the ass of a teenage boy. (This happened to my DS and the guy perceived his hair as a deliberate personal affront . DS assumed this man thought he might 'catch the gay'- hence the reaction).

DS17 had very long hair, that reached well below the middle of his back. His school rules are no undercuts, patterns shaved into short hair, and coloured ( blue etc) dye jobs. These are not gender specific.
He has awesome hair, really thick , dark brown with auburn highlights.
Apart from me requesting it be kept clean ( loathe dirty hair smell) we left him to it, and he politely told any individuals( including teaching staff) who felt it necessary to share their opinions or try to somehow shame him into feeling long hair was not masculine 🙄, that it was his hair, his body, his choice, and they should respect that.
I found it was the older generations, and the very blokey bloke , 'real' men types who it bothered the most ,flinging around the 'You look like a girl' comment , as if that was the decisive argument winner.

He chopped it off last week to donate to a cancer foundation that makes wigs for chemotherapy patients. His idea. He sorted it all. Pretty proud of him.

But it's just weird that it bothers some people so much. Why care at all?

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Too many choices can be overwhelming for young kids IMO.

But they can probably manage ‘Do you want your hair long or short?’

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself

I also can’t believe it happens that often after a certain age. Maybe with under fives it might be a bit of a grey area, but I’d say most children have fairly distinctive boyish or girlish features by the age of seven or eight, regardless of hair length.

[WatchWatch]

It's a shame that some people seem to think that being mistaken for a girl is a bad thing in and of itself

Yes, I don't understand this.