To ask if baby’s dad should get to decide how she’s fed?

[SummerRoseGardens]

In terms of infant feeding obviously.

Partner had said he’d rather I didn’t breastfeed, his reason is he wants to help with night time feeds. Which is nice but I really want to breastfeed. AIBU?

Can you not combination feed? That way he can do some of the feeds and you can do the rest...

If you breastfeed or not is your decision alone.
There will be plenty of other things he can do and you may find you want the baby to have 1 bottle a day (or more) as well as breastfeeding.

Possibly but I don’t want to, I really want to breastfeed. Everything I’ve read indicates it’s the very best for the baby, and it just seems to me to be so much easier than messing with bottles.

He doesnt get to tell you that you aren't allowed to breastfeed, no.

He could top up with formula. Unless hes planning to leave and has been told that breastfeeding would mean you are primary carer and no overnights for him?

Is he controlling? Does he tell you what to do, including around the pregnancy? Does he threaten to leave you?

No he doesn't get to choose! Tell him that once breastfeeding is established you'll try expressing.

YANBU. Tell him he can change the nappies!

Ultimately I would say it's up to you.
I breastfed and DH used to help during night feeds by changing nappies, so he still felt like he was helping out if even something like that would be an option?

Your husband doesn’t get to decide if you breastfeed or not. He can help in other ways.

Definitely not! It's your choice and the benefits of breastfeeding are proven.
If your partner wants to help then there are lots of ways winding after feed, nappy changing, bathing etc, and once breast feeding is established you can express & your partner can bottle feed the baby at that point, & by then you'll probably be really grateful for the extra sleep!

No I think he honestly wants to help, probably feels a bit out of things. I don’t think it’s a control thing.

Why would he think that his desire to do night feeds trumps what is best for his baby daughter?

Decent parents put their children's needs above their own wishes. Is he selfish in other ways?

He could wind the baby, change nappies and settle them etc there's absolutely plenty to do 🤷🏻‍♀️.

He could always do bath time if he wants something in particular.

This is the one thing I think you do decide alone. Your child will be your child forever. There will.be plenty of meals your husband can give. (If mine gets up to do breakfast for my 3 kids I love him even more!!)

Breast feeding is such a short time on terms of the whole parenting journey. If he's worried about not being able to help he can do nappy changes, getting baby back to sleep, night time wake ups that aren't for food....etc etc

It’s your choice only. There is lots of other ways he can bond with the baby/help with nights. Combination feeding is messy and I definitely wouldn’t start with it as it can mess up your milk supply. How about you start with sole breastfeeding and then after an agreed time (2-3 months a so) you introduce bottles?

Dh helped massively with night feeds. It went like this, I breastfed the baby, he took the baby, winded him, changed him nappy and settled him back down to sleep.

There are so many things a baby needs, feeding is just one of them.

I would wonder if this is about feeding and more about your breasts being a sexual thing for him rather than a milk producing baby feeding machine.

Most aspects of parenting need to be joint decisions but I strongly believe that the decision of whether to breastfeed or not is completely up to the mum.

It's great that he wants to help with night feeds but there are plenty of other ways that he can help you with your new baby.

Yeah, no.

He can still do night bottle of expressed milk or formula top up.

The baby isn’t here yet, with his attitude I would be surprised if he actually does many night time waking in reality.

Just a hunch.

He definitely does not get to choose. Also ‘helping with night feeds’ is a bollocks reason as he can do loads of other things for you and the baby and when baby is a bit older he/she can have expressed milk in a bottle. He doesn’t get to decide this.

Ultimately it's up to you - my DH disagreed with my feeding decision but accepted that he didn't really have a say in it. I listened to his POV obviously and discussed it with him and he understood my reasons and was fine with it.

No. Would he be able to say he wants you to breastfeed if you dont want to? It's your body.
He can do bath time, nappy changes, winding etc he can get up when baby cries, bring baby to you to feed, bring you a drink or snack while you feed, wind baby then put baby back to sleep if you both want. But if you want to breastfeed that's your decision.

It's up to you.
I found combination feeding worked best for us after a few months of BF only.
It was nice to more or less sleep through the night while Dh took the lead.
However context is everything and it depends if he is demanding you do this etc.

I don’t think it’s him being controlling. I would have said so at the start if I thought that, but being totally honest I don’t want to mess about with formula or with expressing milk.

Obviously there might come a time when I want to but I don’t want to feel pressured to do that.

YANBU

He is managing to be unsupportive and selfish while dressing it up to look like he's supporting you. What a prince.

Tell him you'll be breastfeeding and will express so he can still do the night time feeds. I would put money on the fact that he will not be doing them any longer than 1 week of acting the caring partner.

Your choice but you might be biting off his hand to help if the baby will take a bottle. You could always think about expressing. Lots of my friends introduced a bottle early with baby no.2 so they weren’t solely responsible for feeding.