Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my 3 year old son should be able to dress as Elsa?

393 replies

stealthbanana · 19/07/2020 00:28

My husband and I have just had an enormous fight about this...

My 3.5 year old DS loves Frozen, and has asked for me to buy him (a) a frozen dress up (ie an Elsa or anna costume) and (b) some
“Elsa and anna shoes” (a pair of sneakers one of his nursery classmates has, white with pics of elsa and anna on it).

I’ve just talked to DH about it and his response ha surprised me - he’s said he’s absolutely opposed to my son having an Elsa dress as “it’s opening up his gender identity”. We have a 1 year old daughter and I have said that I don’t think he would be as annoyed if she dresses up as eg fireman Sam and he said that “princesses are different I don’t think that being a fireman is a bad thing”. I asked about the shoes and he said he would be ok if they were “boys shoes”. I had to stop the conversation as was worried it would become a proper argument - he was very angry.

AIBU to think that it’s a total non big deal that a 3 year old wants to dress up as a princess and has nothing to do with their sexuality or gender identity as an adult?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Mrsmorton · 19/07/2020 00:33

Of course not. He should dress however he pleases. Your son sounds lovely.

Notapheasantplucker · 19/07/2020 00:34

Yanbu, it's really not a big deal. My DS is 2 and plays with his sisters dolls and prams.

lukasiak · 19/07/2020 00:35

Dressing up is fine. It's just paying tribute to somebody he admires!

HumphreyGoodmanswife · 19/07/2020 00:35

Of course it's no big deal. Your DH needs to get a grip. Your 3 yo isn't dressing up as a girl, he's dressing up as a character he likes in what he sees as an attractive outfit.
If it makes him feel any better, when my DS was 3 he loved having his nails painted and wearing his sister's tutu. He dressed up in my 'pretty dresses' until he was about 6. He also dressed up as Daddy - as did his sister. He's now 10, taller than me and wouldn't be seen dead in nail varnish or dresses.. And he's not turned into a princess overnight either Hmm

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 19/07/2020 00:36

I have two different friends whose boys have dressed up as Frozen princesses. It’s just a phase as they copy their elder sisters and join in the fun.

I should imagine it’ll be more confusing for him if he’s told he can’t do things because it’s for girls. If anything that is more likely to make him think he’s a girl than if you all just let it slide and let him see that he’s just a regular boy enjoying dressing up

Shmithecat2 · 19/07/2020 00:39

Your DH is being a bit of an idiot. I'm fairly GC, but a 3yo wanting to dress up as an animated film character is nothing to do with their gender identity ffs.

Frozenfrogs86 · 19/07/2020 00:40

Totally agree. My boys used to walk about in my heels as a game. They aren’t confused about their sex.

gluteustothemaximus · 19/07/2020 00:41

My DS wears his sister's Elsa dress. He sees it just the same as his spiderman outfit. He's just playing. No gender involved.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 19/07/2020 00:41

I have a lovely picture of ds in a onesie, a tutu, glittery deely boppers and nail varnish. He wouldn't be seen dead in that now he's 9. It's no big thing, he's just liking sparkly shit and if you make it forbidden it becomes more attractive. Let him do it and he will probably move on to something else quickly.

Sparklesocks · 19/07/2020 00:42

It’s not ‘gender identity’ to your little boy - it’s dressing up as a Disney character he likes for fun

Original poster
stealthbanana · 19/07/2020 00:43

Thank you. This has really upset me. I feel my DH is rejecting any ability for my son to admire or co opt femininity and it make me really upset particularly as my daughter has been dressed in all blue/boy hand me downs since birth and is constantly confused as a boy which no one seems to find a problem.

Why can’t my boy copy a person of the opposite sex he finds cool? Why is my husband so aggressively against this?

OP posts:
IAintentDead · 19/07/2020 00:44

If anything, suppressing a child being able to play with or as anything is the route to problems.

Children should be able to play with or as anything that interests them.

TimeWastingButFun · 19/07/2020 00:44

How ridiculous. So if he dressed up as a dinosaur then your husband would complain about him identifying as a T-Rex? Your husband is BVU.

verypeckish · 19/07/2020 00:45

He's afraid that his son will catch the gay.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 19/07/2020 00:51

My DH has the same attitude. I ignore it and let our DS wear what he wants. I see it as baby steps towards making our little boy happy and raising a man who isn't as close minded as his father.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2020 00:52

Your husband is being ridiculous.
D's unclear he's a boy and when he's 21 he'll be living with his t.v. *Emma who is a girl in his class. He has a Princess Poppy dress Inc pink wig and all the PJ Masks so in the girl one. And her like all the Story of costumes and a few of those are apparently girls. He's also started playing with dolls since I gave him real life babies to keep
Would your dd be a!lowed to dress up as superman. etc? If so I'd be getting ds a wonder woman costume!

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2020 00:56

D's also has a tutu so he can be one female characters and a cape so he can be another female characters

Perhaps she is insecure about his own gender identity

Original poster
stealthbanana · 19/07/2020 00:57

@SleepingStandingUp I have already raised the superman example re DD (18 months) and been told - well I might be upset but it would likely be different.

He’s snoring next to me and I’m getting really furious about this Angry

OP posts:
Youbigdosser · 19/07/2020 00:58

Yabu if I had a son there would be no chance

Ploughingthrough · 19/07/2020 01:02

Good lord it is such a non deal. My DS pranced about in his sister's sparkly dresses from age 1 till 4ish. He played with dolls and polly pockets too. Oh and cars, trains and lego.He's 5 now and doesn't bother with the dresses anymore but literally no one I know cared at the time, including DH. It has no reflection on their gender at that age, its just a bit of sparkle.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2020 01:03

Why?

CalishataFolkart · 19/07/2020 01:03

Why is my husband so aggressively against this?

He has told you why.

”princesses are different I don’t think that being a fireman is a bad thing”.

But he does think that being a princess is “a bad thing.” Man good, woman bad. Sexist at best, misogynist at worst.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2020 01:06

@CalishataFolkart

Why is my husband so aggressively against this?

He has told you why.

”princesses are different I don’t think that being a fireman is a bad thing”.

But he does think that being a princess is “a bad thing.” Man good, woman bad. Sexist at best, misogynist at worst.

This is why you need wonderwoman etc, because in the direct comparison he'd allow it. Asset lady force him to ad not not hide behind firemen are good, princesses are vacuous
bettliefsen · 19/07/2020 01:08

Your dh is being silly. Would he let a girl dress as a builder or other stereotypical male character ? A boy I know plays superhero games with baddies and pretend guns whilst running round dressed as a Disney Princess, it's all imaginative play which is what they should be doing.

TheSandman · 19/07/2020 01:09

I bought my son an Elsa dress for Christmas one year - it was on his list. He loved it. He was about 4. He grew out of it. And hasn't asked to wear a dress since.