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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my 3 year old son should be able to dress as Elsa?

393 replies

stealthbanana · 19/07/2020 00:28

My husband and I have just had an enormous fight about this...

My 3.5 year old DS loves Frozen, and has asked for me to buy him (a) a frozen dress up (ie an Elsa or anna costume) and (b) some
“Elsa and anna shoes” (a pair of sneakers one of his nursery classmates has, white with pics of elsa and anna on it).

I’ve just talked to DH about it and his response ha surprised me - he’s said he’s absolutely opposed to my son having an Elsa dress as “it’s opening up his gender identity”. We have a 1 year old daughter and I have said that I don’t think he would be as annoyed if she dresses up as eg fireman Sam and he said that “princesses are different I don’t think that being a fireman is a bad thing”. I asked about the shoes and he said he would be ok if they were “boys shoes”. I had to stop the conversation as was worried it would become a proper argument - he was very angry.

AIBU to think that it’s a total non big deal that a 3 year old wants to dress up as a princess and has nothing to do with their sexuality or gender identity as an adult?

OP posts:
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6
SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2020 01:13

@Youbigdosser

Yabu if I had a son there would be no chance
Why?
Wavey123 · 19/07/2020 01:16

I wouldn’t be thrilled if my kid wanted to dress up as Elsa, boy or girl. Not cos it’s girly, more cos i don’t think she’s something to aspire to and Frozen is the definition of tat.

laudete · 19/07/2020 01:19

Shoes are just shoes. If the sneakers are suitable for kids, buy them.

As for dress up... To save arguing, how about saying you're going to buy a selection of dress up clothes (including Frozen) for both kids to share? As there's a 2 year age gap, the clothes will have some longevity as play things.

HooNoes · 19/07/2020 01:22

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Lilymossflower · 19/07/2020 01:24

DH has internalised mysoginy

Son should be able to wear anything he wants

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/07/2020 01:28

Your three year old should be able to wear whatever catches his imagination without any of this unpleasantness, but if you go ahead, I think you would have to make sure to manage your DH response and protect your little one from comments.

Why is your DH angry? He sounds really insecure. He's the adult and needs to think more about your 3 year old's feelings.

It would be awful and could have a really negative impact if your DH started criticising the choice and got "angry" about it in front of your boy, because that might make him feel very bad indeed and might end up making a much bigger deal out of a simple bit of dressing up as a character out of his favourite film.

Bowerbird5 · 19/07/2020 01:28

Is your DH going to tell the nursery staff that? Believe me boys often put dresses on in Nursery and Reception. The other class where they often put a dress on is Year 6 especially for Panto!

Somethingkindaoooo · 19/07/2020 01:33

Is he worried its offensive, cuz its class appropriation?

Lou898 · 19/07/2020 01:35

I work in a school and love to go in the classrooms on a Friday when it’s free time and see them all dressed up. Even in year 2 the boys love to get dressed up in the princess dresses and heels even the most boisterous of boys. They just don’t think anything of it at that age which is so nice to see. The girls are often in the ninja turtle outfits.
I have 2 boys and had a toy box with a mixture of toys including dolls and prams. It always made me laugh to see how differently they played with them tho. My youngest would drag the doll around by either its hair or leg but go to sleep flicking its eyelids. The eldest would play with the pram but turn it upside down and spin the wheels and try to mend it with a pretend spanner. Nothing specifically taught just what they did.
Allowing children to play with what some would call specific gender things does not change who they are.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 19/07/2020 01:37

He's 3.
It's just dressing up! Your DH is being utterly ridiculous.
My eldest loved walking round in my shoes at that age, I didn't think he was going to catch the gay or turn into a girl!
Some people are just fucking weird and have bigoted attitudes but just aren't aware they do.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 19/07/2020 01:39

@Youbigdosser

Yabu if I had a son there would be no chance

Also curious as to why?

LightDrizzle · 19/07/2020 01:40

Most little boys are attracted by the sheer glamour and glitz of stuff that is marketed at little girls, I remember an episode of The Secret Lives of Four Year Olds when the boys and girls were segregated by sex and each group separately given access to the nursery with two dressing up baskets, many of the boys gleefully attacked the dresses and feather boas, despite more "manly" attire being available.
It was only in the 19th century that men's clothing became so dull compared to the options available to women. Prior to that wealthy men wore rich brocades, dazzling embroidery and fine jewelled pins, buttons, buckles and watches. They were peacocks.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2020 01:41

@Wavey123

I wouldn’t be thrilled if my kid wanted to dress up as Elsa, boy or girl. Not cos it’s girly, more cos i don’t think she’s something to aspire to and Frozen is the definition of tat.
Which is fine, but he cited gender identity rather than characters personality and storyline redeeming features
LightDrizzle · 19/07/2020 01:50

Courtesy of the V&A Museum, a gentleman's waistcoat:

To think my 3 year old son should be able to dress as Elsa?
HooNoes · 19/07/2020 02:18

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LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 19/07/2020 02:24

There's wanting to dress up in the finery that men are associated with and there's wanting to dress up as a princess/girl/woman. I wouldn't say no, but I wouldn't encourage it. It's a tough old world out there

He's THREE though.
You're just dressing up at that age? Why would it be a problem?
If more adults didn't have a problem with toddlers dressing how they liked at dress up surely that'd be a good thing - shows there's nothing to be ashamed of, or wrong dressing how you like!

netflixismysidehustle · 19/07/2020 02:30

Is your dd allowed to dress up as a princess? If so your h is unreasonable.

Nat6999 · 19/07/2020 02:38

I have a friend whose ds loves Frozen, Disney princesses etc. He has had princess & Frozen parties, has princess & Elsa dolls, loves dressing up as them, does all the dances. My ds was obsessed with Mama Mia, he loved the music, dressed up & danced all the dances, he had a kitchen, pram, doll's house, played with them until he was about 10, had a massive collection of cuddly dogs & Fimbles which he still has now at 16. Don't worry about it, your dh is an idiot, stick to your guns & let your ds be happy doing what he wants.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 19/07/2020 03:30

While I agree with your husband that Disney princesses are problematic, dressing up as one isn’t going to turn him trans or whatever. It’s either misogyny driving this (given that gender roles don’t seem to apply to your daughter) or a fear that someone will decide your son is actually a girl and force transition on him.

Barearseloverofthigh · 19/07/2020 06:43

you should avoid the Feminism board on here or they'll have him classed as some rapist who just wants to be in female spaces or something.

No they wouldn't.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/07/2020 06:54

Boys were always making a beeline for the princess dresses in my playgroup days.

Saying that your daughter can wear 'boys' clothes but your son can't wear 'girl' clothes is sending the dangerous message to your children that 'girls' stuff isn't as good as 'boys' stuff and 'boys' stuff is better.

Disney Princesses aren't the simpering, need a man, damsels in distress types they were in the past. They are definitely getting stronger.

OnceUponAPotato · 19/07/2020 06:55

Standard misogyny. It's ok for girls to dress as boys because that's aspirational, whereas boys dressing as girls is lowering themselves.

@HooNoes actually I think you'll find it's the complete opposite. Most of us on the feminism board would love for more little boys to be told wearing a dress is utterly normal. The problem us when you have a boy who is totally confused by the fact that he wants to wear a dress but everyone tells him no "dresses are for girls". So the logical answer for him is that if he wants things just for girls then he must be a girl. For gods sake we should just let kids play and be happy, not bombarded with ridiculous adult expectations.

BananaChocolateLump · 19/07/2020 06:57

My 2.5yo DD is obsessed with dinosaurs. If anyone gave her grief about it or me, I'd be furious. Buy your son the dress!

My son as well used to play with his big sisters toy pram as well. It's not going to do anything

Soubriquet · 19/07/2020 06:59

Not a big deal at all!

This is my ds aged 2 I think...he’s 5 now and hates pink and “girly” things.

He’s a kid who wants to dress as his favourite character!

That’s all it is

To think my 3 year old son should be able to dress as Elsa?
Realladymarmalade · 19/07/2020 06:59

My three year old son loved his Anna dress that he begged Santa for . Totally age appropriate imho! Now a happy healthy 9 year old (but absolutely would not wear a dress ).

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