Page 16 | To think my 3 year old son should be able to dress as Elsa?

stealthbanana · 2020-07-18T23:28:28+00:00

My husband and I have just had an enormous fight about this... My 3.5 year old DS loves Frozen, and has asked for me to buy him (a) a frozen dress up (ie an Elsa or anna costume) and (b) some “Elsa and anna shoes” (a pair of sneakers one of his nursery classmates has, white with pics of elsa and anna on it). I’ve just talked to DH about it and his response ha surprised me - he’s said he’s absolutely opposed to my son having an Elsa dress as “it’s opening up his gender identity”. We have a 1 year old daughter and I have said that I don’t think he would be as annoyed if she dresses up as eg fireman Sam and he said that “princesses are different I don’t think that being a fireman is a bad thing”. I asked about the shoes and he said he would be ok if they were “boys shoes”. I had to stop the conversation as was worried it would become a proper argument - he was very angry. AIBU to think that it’s a total non big deal that a 3 year old wants to dress up as a princess and has nothing to do with their sexuality or gender identity as an adult?

nicky7654 · 22/07/2020 09:36

I wouldn't let my son wear a dress even if fancy dress. He is not a girl. Plenty of boy costumes to chose from.

Merryhobnobs · 22/07/2020 09:37

My daughter dislikes dressing up. She loves her (male) cousins hand me down dinosaur jumpers. Yet she also loves dresses (but hates frills), one of her closest friends is a boy who loves dressing up and can be regularly seen as a dinosaur, anna, elsa, a tutu, a fireman, a police officer. He likes dancing and tennis and rugby and football. His parents are very much of the mindset, he is little, he is being imaginative, he loves the films and we don not care. Imposing limits on him at this age would cause more of a fuss. Incidentally his favourite colour is black and when he isn't dressing up he gravitates to very solid masculine clothes. Just let the little people be little, it has nothing to do with future gender identity or sexual orientation and much more to do with them developing imagination, creativity and learning.

Monkeydog123 · 22/07/2020 09:45

Are you new to MN?

You must know most posters will tell you it's fine.

peppajay · 22/07/2020 09:49

I think men find this sort of thing really really hard- our son he is 12has a female hobby and my husband is exceptionally embarrassed by it and says from the start I should not have allowed this hobby to progress. My brother is gay and my DH says thinks that my son will be gay like him because of his hobby. But as you say their is no problem my DD being in a football team!!!!

fortheloveofcrisps · 22/07/2020 10:13

Maybe start with asking your dh to calmly explain why he feels that allowing your ds to wear a 'girls' costume is bad.

Is it routed in fear about sexuality?
Ask him if either of his children being gay would be a bad thing? If it is then he will need to work on that.

Also point out the obvious - that children who are made to conform rigidly to gender stereotypes have more issues that those that aren't, that preventing him from doing something only makes it a thing.

The dressing up stage doesn't last forever.
Good luck

fortheloveofcrisps · 22/07/2020 10:16

My favourite memory of my dd's male bestie is him answering the door in the following; wellies, princess dress, darthvader helmet brandishing a Harry Potter wand- he was 3.

MyNameHasBeenTaken · 22/07/2020 13:18

My dd will play dress up with your ds
As long as she can be olaf.
She isn't bothered by the princesses or sparkles. But she loves olaf. And sven.

Kids play. Kids dress up as characters they like.
Dd keeps taking ds old clothes that he has outgrown as they must be cool if ds has worn them.
Your Dh is more likely to cause issues by "banning' things.
Having said that, I would keep the trainers to a minimum. Nothing to do with the frozen, but they are likely to be made of plastic and give him sweaty feet

MyNameHasBeenTaken · 22/07/2020 13:21

Loveofcrisps
My memory of my cousin coming down for breakfast.
Wearing his socks and a bumbag with 2 transformers in.

pennysea · 22/07/2020 13:25

@peppajay

I think men find this sort of thing really really hard- our son he is 12has a female hobby and my husband is exceptionally embarrassed by it and says from the start I should not have allowed this hobby to progress. My brother is gay and my DH says thinks that my son will be gay like him because of his hobby. But as you say their is no problem my DD being in a football team!!!!

I've experienced something similar. Having to explain to someone that the hobby doesn't make him gay is infuriating!

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 22/07/2020 14:25

@peppajay

I think men find this sort of thing really really hard- our son he is 12has a female hobby and my husband is exceptionally embarrassed by it and says from the start I should not have allowed this hobby to progress. My brother is gay and my DH says thinks that my son will be gay like him because of his hobby. But as you say their is no problem my DD being in a football team!!!!

What is a 'female hobby'? Apart from, perhaps, childbirth?

It's a hobby. Plain and simple.

alexdgr8 · 22/07/2020 14:51

i am older than many of you and i am surprised and disappointed by many of the attitudes evidenced on here.
big thanks to the infants teacher, you have given me hope.
and incidentally another reason why children benefit from going to school, beyond the 3 Rs.
thank you, ThreeImaginaryBoys.
ps, if they are imaginary, how do you know they are boys. might be small pandas. maybe.

NaNaNaNaNaNaBaNaNa · 22/07/2020 16:11

Just ask your husband what it is about being female that your husband finds inherently "beneath" his son.

SueEllenMishke · 22/07/2020 16:17

Wtf is a female hobby??

peppajay · 22/07/2020 18:21

He knits and sews. He makes gorgeous things and also makes up his own designs. He has just ordered some unicorn fabric and is making ra ra skirts with matching hair bows!!!! He wants to be a dress designer when he grows up. I know there is lots of male dress designers but there are not many 12 yr old boys who have no interest in having a bike or an xbox. I have gone off the original message a bit but my point is that I think men find it really really hard if their son isn't the typical alpha male, he used to push around his sisters pink dolls buggy when he was 3 but only on my watch - hubby wouldn't have any of it!! Just saying!!! I don't see anything wrong with it but I think several men do!!!!

Fieldofgreycorn · 22/07/2020 18:27

Your DH’s masculinity is feeling threatened. He really needs to get over that.

Annasgirl · 22/07/2020 18:32

Dear God but this thread is depressing. I'm off to the Feminism board to see if there are modern women posting today. Some of you seem to have landed from about 1950. Did Women's Lib pass you all by?

SueEllenMishke · 22/07/2020 18:33

@peppajay

He knits and sews. He makes gorgeous things and also makes up his own designs. He has just ordered some unicorn fabric and is making ra ra skirts with matching hair bows!!!! He wants to be a dress designer when he grows up. I know there is lots of male dress designers but there are not many 12 yr old boys who have no interest in having a bike or an xbox. I have gone off the original message a bit but my point is that I think men find it really really hard if their son isn't the typical alpha male, he used to push around his sisters pink dolls buggy when he was 3 but only on my watch - hubby wouldn't have any of it!! Just saying!!! I don't see anything wrong with it but I think several men do!!!!

I can't believe you're being so flippant about this! Your husbands attitude is disgraceful.

randomer · 23/07/2020 09:42

You can't turn gay because you make dresses or go to ballet. You can, however, dump a whole load of adult nonsense on a 3 year old who has a passing interest in a character and an outfit.