To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

This is a great plan OP! Don't expect it to be sunshine and light all the way - as you've seen, the DC sometimes need a bit of persuasion - but you've definitely got the right idea.

Get the DC involved - make a list of the things they'd like to do over the summer. Help them look things up online to see what is available locally that you may not already have thought of. A badminton net for the garden sounds fab!

Of course you can! I love a bit of TV but we go out a lot too. We don't have a car so can't do the outdoorsy stuff you mention, but still spend a lot of time outdoors at the park. We try to make the best of every free activity in our city. Obviously everything's shut because of COVID but you'd be suprised how much there is to do for low cost if you keep an eye on museums, galleries, libraries, community centres, city farms, parks etc.

What age are your kids? You might like this: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/50-things-to-do

No reason at all why you shouldn’t turn this around if you want to! Maybe start small (a walk every day?) then look into getting bikes. As lockdown eases see what cultural opportunities (museums etc) are available locally. Take it one step at a time, as you can’t change habits overnight. It’s great that you want to do more.

Don’t worry about the YouTuber ambitions, I think they all say that at the moment.

Of course you haven't left it too late! Your dc are still quite little. It's very hard to break the habits of your upbringing, and it's great that you're keen to try. Don't overload yourselves with tons of activities all in one go - just enjoying trying one thing at a time.

It’s not too late! You just have to do it. And have the right gear. So good waterproofs. Me and my two have had quite a few adventures in the torrential rain recently. They absolutely loved it.

Definitely go for it!

You will all probably discover fun new things you enjoy doing

It is never too late OP. I was suffering debilitating postnatal depression after my first baby. I didn't take her out much if at all, no baby groups, fans etc until she was about 2 years old. That guilt consumed me for a few years but I started trying to do as much as I could. We are now 5 years on from that point and we have done lots. Go forward and be happy OP. Have fun with your family. X

Don’t be ashamed, you’ve recognised where you’ve gone wrong and you’re trying to put things in place to improve the situation.

Your kids are still young, there’s plenty of time for you to make lovely childhood memories with them.

I’d aim to do one Outdoor thing a week. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, a trip to the park or a day at the beach (As you live near by) for instance. The national trust is great and can provide lots of family days out for very little cost, we used our membership loads when the kids were younger, as well as lots of forest/ countryside walks. Not so much now they’re grumpy teens, but I still managed to drag them out for a walk on Exmoor today!!

Never too late. Gradual change is the way to go, don't expect things to change instantly/overnight and run smoothly from the get go, or go to the other extreme of saying 'it's pointless' if you have a bad day.

Gradual improvement. No extremes either way. It can be done!

Sure you can change and you have started to do so already.
Get in to the routine of going for a walk every day. It may involve driving somewhere locally and then walking, or you may have walks which you can start from your home.
A good walk with children often includes going through woodland, a grass area, a playground and sometimes a cafe (but try to take your own drinks and snacks whenever you go out so you keep the cost down). Perhaps your eldest could produce maps of walking routes especially designed for children (and their accompanying adults) and video the key points on the route. Or do a style video and interview family members. Or maybe become a wildlife photographer/videographer documenting the local wildlife to be found in your area.

Finances: You can follow a plan to help with that. Personally I have been doing the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps but any plan which sets you a small goal, you achieve that, then sets a bigger goal which you then achieve will help you feel that you are making progress with your finances.

Perhaps get them interested in local history - there can be lots of things right in your local area, from historic buildings, to burial grounds and ancient stones.

My oldest wants to be a YouTuber. He’s got a bike and has regularly been taken out for nice rides, we walk on the beach regularly, take him to the theatre and cinema, soft play when he was younger, museums, national trust, the lot. He still wants to be a YouTuber. You can start doing more stuff as a family, but don’t expect miracles!

Also, don’t be put off if sometimes you all just end up grumpy and cold. Or one of the kids refuses to walk and you’re a mile from the car. That’s bound to happen. It’s still worth it. And I always think, ‘at least we’re not grumpy indoors’.

Course you haven’t left it too late. It might mean you face a bit of resistant if changing the routines they’re used to, but hey ho it’ll be worth it in the end. I’d admirable that you have noticed that you want life to be different. I think the key is making things like going outside part of your daily routine so after a while the kids just accept that as part of what you do each day/weekend.

Maybe talk to the older kids about why you are doing more outside and how it helps a lot of people feel better in themselves. Find exciting ways to eat better by doing things like letting them choose exotic fruits they haven’t tried before for a taste test etc.

Of course you can! There's masses of free stuff for children (and adults) and of course it's for 'the likes of you.' Why shouldn't it be? Turn yourself into a default yes family!

Don’t be ashamed! It’s great that you’ve thought this through and are coming up with ideas :)

I was very lucky as a child: did lots of activities etc. When I had my kids, I always hoped to do the same for them (sadly I’m nowhere near as wealthy as my folks were). Then STBXH’s issues got in the way of doing a lot of family things. Now it’s just me and the kids (exh and I split in Jan 2019), things are easier (though I’m still not able to afford to do a lot of things).

What I manage, though, is stuff like camping (maybe see if you can get a cheap tent for the garden?), cycling (the kids and I try to cycle rather than take a car for any journey less than approx 4/5miles), Forest walks, picnics, National Trust places, foraging...just cheap simple stuff that breaks up a day.

The first time I was able to take the kids on holiday was in 2015. My son was 8, my daughter was almost 2. We went camping. Just a couple of nights the first time to see how things went. As things went on and I realised the kids liked it, I slowly built up the stuff we had, and now we use camping as our main holiday (it’s all I can afford!).

PS YANBU :) it’s never too late :D

Not too late at all. Your Kids are the perfect age to enjoy new things.

Start small and don’t panic if things don’t go to plan. Pre kids DH and I would think nothing of chucking a couple of bags in the car and going wild camping and hiking for a couple of days. Now I’m happy to manage a couple of hours on the local hills with the toddler on my back and sometimes we get twenty minutes out and have to head home. But hey. 40 minutes outside is still something. So have a plan B and carry bribes (a nice picnic, the chance to paddle in a river, whatever works for you).

Your older child(ren) May be able to help plan trips too.

The daily grind is tough... don't beat yourself up about it.

We have several season tickets for various parks and attractions. Most are in the £30-50 range. My folks buy me one for Christmas as a family gift - it's lovely to know we can do something fun for free (and doesn't matter if we abandon the trip after half an hour if the weather is bad). Feeding the ducks is great fun too, especially now as there are ducklings everywhere.

I'm not in to soft play and playgroups so I have relegated that to birthday parties only.

Make these outings a time when you really interact enthusiastically with the dc. Give them lovely memories of being the centre of your world.

My parents dragged us around stately homes and old churches shushing us and lecturing us. Frankly tv would have been preferable. But it doesn’t need to be like that. Love bomb them on every trip, explore things through their eyes l, find the enjoyment in a castle or park, river or pond for them - and they’ll make it so much more fun for everyone to go out together.

You absolutely can make some big changes. When you do go out for family days, they will not always be like they appear to be on Facebook. As a family we go camping, canoeing, cycling, theatre etc. A lot of the time I am frustrated that the kids are bickering, not giving things a go, or constantly asking for snacks. We still go, and mostly we enjoy it, but it’s always an effort and sometimes a total waste of time/money.
I don’t want to put you off at all, I think it’s admirable that you want to make changes. It’s just not always like it looks on Social media!

Of course you haven't left it too late.

The fact you're concerned enough to want to make changes says it all.

Get some camping kit and get out there 😉

Seconding climbing, my oldest also wants to be a YouTuber. We’re a family of homebodies but he’s been dragged to a wide range of leisure, cultural and travel activities over the years.

I also agree with the PP who said don’t be put off by having a bad day. I remember huffing off on one memorable day trip years ago saying that I would have had a better time by myself

The DCs whined almost non-stop when exH and I took them to a museum recently (we’re non-UK, they’re open here). ExH and I amused ourselves by regaling the children with tales of all the places we’d been dragged as children and how much we’d hated it. Then suddenly the mood will change and they’ll be having a blast.

It's never too late! Why not make a list as a family of 6 new/different things to do/places to visit and tick all of them off by the end of summer hols?
Can I also suggest perhaps setting a little reading challenge too for DCs? Perhaps aim for 30 mins reading a day- you can either get older ones to do it alone or read out loud to you and younger ones or you can read to all your children or a mix of both. Regular reading will really help broaden their minds in the same way getting out and about more will broaden their horizons.
I think one of the hardest things to do as a parent can be to identify areas of weakness, take responsibility for them and then actively try to make an improvement- well done.

Never too late, I’ve taken up tennis at the age of nearly 50 and love it. Now we have our kids playing too.
Is there a sport that you all could do? Our public courts are free before 10am and if you play with a kid £3 an hour after 10am.
We go to the beach most days - walk or cycle. Sea swimming is free, and if you need them you can pick up real cheap kids wetsuits from eBay or from Decathlon. £10.
In fact Decathlon is amazing for all sorts of bargain sports gear. We got bodyboards for the kids there and they’re loads of fun and really great exercise.
We make sarnies and take our own snacks to the beach.
We go out 3/4 hours every day - exercise is free and there’s so much you have to discover if you’ve never gone to museums etc much

Also kindle are doing free kids books still I think- so might be worth getting the kindle app and downloading some kids books if libraries aren't open near you and if your DCs have already read all the books at home. Audible were also offering free trials during lockdown and may still be offering them- so you can have audio books on too :)

You haven’t left it too late!! It’s Sunday tomorrow; so start then. Maybe try for one outing per day off. Maybe one trip to a local park, another to local woodland, trip to local museum. It really doesn’t have to be expensive. Cinemas often so cheap weekend morning films. Join loca Facebook groups to see what’s one! Have fun xx