To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

That sounds like a lovely day out :) another thing to do on your walks? Take some containers with you and look for blackberries :)

The weather was rubbish here today, but I took 6yr old out for quick bike ride: I’d adjusted her child seat which is on the back of my bike - I use that for school run/work commute - and wanted to test it out. Then she decided to collect garden slugs (don’t ask!) using her bucket and spade...and see if she could take a note of how many live in our garden. They did a bit of gaming, we watched Toy Story 4, and we all kicked in with housework. Thursday night and Friday night, we camped out in the garden in the small tent that I bought. All simple stuff.

NB it all sounds wholesome and idyllic...I promise my kids have strops, whinge, bicker and moan about stuff too.

If money gets tight then think about asking for subscriptions to places or theatre trips for Christmas. My DD has suggested this to us for the GC so every year we go to a production straight after Christmas and we've bought annual passes for our local zoo, activity centre, pottery classes etc. In DS's words it's better than toys filling up the house and the passes last all year. Sounds like you all had a great time today xx

It's never too late. Good for you!

Whoops, sorry for the xx. Force of habit

Well done OP - you can do this. And you don't need to spend a fortune.

Pack up the sandwiches and drinks you'd normally have for lunch and go to your local park with a blanket and a ball/frisbee.

Buy some seeds or small plants from your local garden centre and get your kids interested in planting edible things in the garden or in pots. Courgettes are really easy to grow and produce lots really quickly so success comes soon. Or you could get the ready planted strips of other veg they like and plant them out. Get them involved with the watering every day and watching the produce develop.

If you do plan to do more walking, then some comfortable boots are worth obtaining - Hi-Tec are quite reasonably priced, a lightweight rain mac (Regatta or North Face are fine) for everyone and at least one rucksack to carry stuff in and keep hands free.

Also, you can hire a table tennis table quite cheaply for an hour at most local sports halls and they will lend you the bats and balls too.

Look on your local Mumsnet pages for free and cheap family activities in your local area.

Your would-be YouTuber can film all the activities and then have a family evening around the telly to watch his collection, with home made popcorn or snacks made earlier by the others, so they feel that they have contributed to the evening's entertainment. Yes, it's telly, but better than just downloading something from Netflix.

@Ihaveanidea5 sounds like a fab day out at the beach!

Great plan but don’t worry if miracles don’t happen! I was brought up in an extremely ‘outdoorsy’ family, always out hiking, camping, canoeing etc. But when me and my brother got to about the age of 10 we started to resist and just wanted to stay at home. I remember being bribed with chocolate buttons to finish a hike!

If you can afford a little look into a national trust membership. Fairly reasonable and means that you can visit lots of new places without the huge costs that go with these things. Look at your local area and see what places are available to you to make sure it's worth it. We have lots of good country parks around us that we only need to visit a few time to make it worth while 😊. I am not naturally outdoorsy but I find that my life is much easier if I get the kids out. It gives us all breathing space and although it has its moments I find behaviour generally easier to manage when out and about - although obviously not always. If you need waterproofs look for second hand or put a post on local fb marketplace you can pick them up quite cheaply there too. Get some wellies for everyone so that you can all go out even in the rain. We have a dog and that is a good reason to force everyone out even in the worst or weathers and is a huge commitment but is a great way to make sure you get out and about!

All I can say is children should be in nature as much as possible. Look into forest schools and wild play groups. Also look at the books You are your child's first teacher and All year round.

Well done OP. You said you wanted to change and you've started the very next day! So pleased you all enjoyed rock pooling. You've got this.

Well done for wanting to make a change. I would suggest asking on a local fb page for nearby places to go so that getting out and about isn't always a big trip. You will find out about all sorts of places and walks that you would maybe not see advertised. For example near me is an abbey that has a cafe and gardens with play equipment and a big duck pond. I only heard about it by chance but its a lovely place you would never normally notice. I also keep a list of all the places locally so we can look at it for ideas as I often forget about places when we find somewhere new. enjoy your freedom and make many happy memories

Of course you can do theses things op. It's never too late no matter what you or your kids ages are. no doubt they'll appreciate it all so much more too if it's all new to them. the outdoors is so good for mental health. google local days out with kids, loads of places are free or low cost. take picnics also. your kids will love it once they start and you feel so good after you've being out in the fresh Air all day.

We’ve had a good day at the beach today. Actually probably better for not being too hot!

You might want to look at brownies / cubs or similar in the autumn. It’s good for your kids to develop friends outside their schools and they will also do plenty of outside stuff, including taking them camping!

I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in.

God, this so describes a friend of mine -- he and his wife literally never leave the house apart from to go to work, and at the weekend, the children (and their father) just spend all day on screens, and their mother has a sedentary indoor hobby she does obsessively during all her waking hours. The kids are 10 and 12 and entirely sedentary, can't swim, ride a bike, don't have hobbies or activities other than gaming, and find the mildest physical activity exhausting and bizarre as an idea.

Good on you for starting to change things in your family.

Sounds great OP and I like the responses you've received. I just wanted to recommend getting your kids into Scouting to help broaden their interests too.

Well done op for making the change, this is a good cheap way to have fun
www.geocaching.com/

It's never too late! Life is always evolving and changing! I totally understand the feeling of suddenly realising 10 years has passed and you planned x but it never happened. And my 8 yo wants to be a You Tuber too! I have mental health struggle s too and the advice I'd say is one step at a time and be proud of yourself for each step. Like first step get the DC bikes and go with them on their bikes round the block! Find a new healthy meal all the DC like (no mean feat!) It is all a step in the right direction! Good Luck! You really sound a lovely mum!

Not too late at all OP. Children remember their most recent memories the most, so if you change now, the new memories will be the ones that stick. It doesn’t need to cost a fortune either. And if it makes you feel any better, my children are older now and we used to do a lot of what you want to do, but now they’re just glued to screens and the younger one wants to be a Kardashian!

I love this thread, the way that so many of us think YANBU and are supportive. Don’t blame yourself OP, you’ve had a rough time and you have great ideas now. Have fun!

I've created a pinterest board of local activities all categorised by type like walks (you can break down further to type like forest or length etc.), indoor activities (our library does monthly free Lego and craft clubs for example in normal time), country houses, castle and museums, parks, swimming etc.

Whenever you see a friend posting on social media about their family days out just Google the attraction or walk (you find free downloadable maps) and add it to your board. Your local council may have a parks or walking routes page with initial ideas. I also follow a couple of local parent bloggers on Facebook who post their walks and days out. You can also just randomly Google things like castle or swimming with your county or city name to get started. Get the kids involved with doing this. You then have an instant list of inspiration to pick ideas from each week.

Firstly stop being so hard on yourself every parent makes mistakes and kudos to you at least you are trying to do something about it!

Start small and build up, every day get outside discover your local area walk the kids to the local park, look at a map and see where you can reach locally, take water and snacks get the kids little backpacks to carry their sun lunch or drinks (this bit is important you are not a donkey!) they cost a couple of quid in decathalon.

Search for free events and join local parents groups for tips of free or cheap days out, join a local group or create one for meeting other parents with kids, you’d be surprised how much fun it is when your kids are happily occupied playing with friends :)

Limit your tv consumption to just evenings

Join the national trust you could pay monthly it’s very cheap and there are hundreds of beautiful houses and gardens to visit!

I’m a single parent and I get my kids and dog outside every day it’s for my sanity as much as theirs i love seeing how happy they are when they just accept it and play :)

Good luck

Good luck. I admire you so much for this.

I'm not very outdoorsy and I'm a naturally very lazy person so sometimes I really have to force myself to take the children out. What I've found makes the most difference is.

1. Get out early. If I force us out in the morning it means we actually have achieved something even if we're not out very long. If we have a lazy morning we all have less motivation and it's just harder to get out the door. So get up and go.

1. Take a picnic, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. Again, I'm lazy so this is often just sausage rolls and some fruit but the children love it. We bought a really decent large picnic blanket for £15 on Amazon and have used it loads. If you haven't had much outside time during the day, eat in the garden for dinner.

1. We joined the National Trust and it's been great. There are often outside play areas and we can just have a wander around. As we're members if we're only there for an hour it's ok.....we can go as often as we want.

1. Start small. You don't have to do much for it to be fun. We met some friends for a picnic yesterday in a park and the children just ran around together. That's all we did but all came home saying what a lovely time we'd had.

No, its not too late! VERY brave of you to admit this even too yourself, you go for it in any and every way you can.

So glad your day at the beach went well. I sympathise with you on the MH as it can turn small effort into something impossible. But the fresh air and gentle exercise and new activities are so good for mental health anyway.
Hope you find another easy, fun outing to do soon.

Something else fun to do outdoors is a treasure hunt. If you search Treasure Trails they do them all over the country and only cost a tenner.