To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

I had a childhood like you describe, very rarely taken anywhere, we didn't have days out. Our weekend activity was to go to the video shop. I was a very bored child, and vowed I would always take my kids places, and I do. I'm not a perfect parent by far, but it's been extremely important to me to fill our weekends. In fact, lockdown has done the opposite for us, and we've spent entire weekends indoors sometimes for the first time in my 13 years as a parent. We are learning to appreciate that more, so there is a balance.

My advice is don't expect going out will be enjoyable the whole time. It won't, the kids will still play up and it will often feel like an endurance. But it's really important for them and even when it's hard work I never regret going somewhere but do regret if we've stayed in.

Get a membership for a local attraction. It will encourage you to get in the habit of going, you don't have to go somewhere for a whole day to get your money's worth of day tickets.

Money is no reason to stay home. Vow to visit every single park and playground in your local area, we go to parks and playgrounds every week and we still find new ones. Go to woods, beaches, museums, art galleries, urban farms, gardens, all free.

Try geocaching. Have evening picnics if you've not been organised enough to go before lunch.

Make a list of all the local free attractions within an hour's drive and start ticking them off! It's not too late.

I think lots of people would end up staying in and watching tv if left up to the kids so don’t listen to them it’s definitely not too late.

We go outside a lot. Usually we enjoy it but my dc often resist it still. They almost always enjoy it by the end.

What I find helps my dc is for them to know in advance that we will be going out on a particular day or later that day. That way they’re not utterly miserable at being dragged away from their screens suddenly.
Timetable it in and let everyone know what’s coming up for that week.

Buy raincoats for everyone and wellies for the kids if you can. That way, you get to Still go out and have fun splashing in the rain if the weather is bad.

Take snacks or picnics. Take balls and frisbees and just have a bit of a runaround.

In our local woods, we used to look for the gruffalo and found shreks swamp. We also used to take magnifying glasses and have little missions like who could find the smoothest stone or an owls house in a tree. Makes it a bit more interesting for them.

A lot of the time I am frustrated that the kids are bickering, not giving things a go, or constantly asking for snacks

This is me all the time!
It's not too late at all. Dont expect magical scenes like you see on social media every weekend though. There are times everyone is grumpy and screaming. But of course if you do more as a family you will bond more.

Also my DS does not enjoy outdoors as much as DD. Not everyone is an outdoor nut but you can still have some fun as pp have suggested a lovely range of activities. Ask your eldest to video your walks/experiences for his youtube channel?

Oh, and look on groupon / itison /wowcher for bargain day trips!

Of course it’s not too late.
It’s very easy to slip into easy fix habits but just take small steps.

Spending more time in your garden is an easy one to start with and the RSPB, National Trust and Wlidlife Trust will all have ideas of things to do with your children both in your garden and further afield.

Children will often prefer screen time , as well as many adults, but when you find time for all of you to do fun things together, they will quickly adapt to those activities being part of your routine.

Oh op I was thinking like this earlier today. When my kids were younger I seemed much more...enthusiastic about stuff and took them loads of places. Now I've had some things happen which have got in the way a bit.

In the holidays we always do a list of stuff the kids would like to do. We don't often get through it all but it can really help focus you when you're thinking what on earth will we do this weekend.

I suppose the best thing is you've recognised that you want to make a positive change, and it's great that your husband is on board too. Have fun!

And take your own drinks and snacks!

Absolutely not left it too late! But don't rush in and try to do it all at once. It is good to still have some days relaxing at home and unwinding.

Try introducing easy activities first - a local walk etc then build up as you find out what works. When museums are open look for ones with kids trails or (when it is an option again) activity afternoons. A lot of historic properties have outdoor space and at the moment that may be all that is open so you can run around with some history in the background which they ask about if they want (rather than inflicting lectures on them).

But as pp have said, don't expect it to look like Instagram! The outdoors can be miserable if the weather turns and kids can complain etc but that gets edited out in social media... I rebelled as a teenager against going for walks etc but I'm still glad I did it as a kid and I do it more again as an adult.

And yes if you've got space in the garden try camping out there rather than going straight in to a campsite (if you decide you want to camp). To be honest I quite like going to haven type static caravan parks instead of full on camping...

I cam relate to those who have lost momentum, when the kids were younger (say 3 and 6) I used to take them up to London to do stuff. i'm so glad I did cause now I can hardly persuade them to do anything, that and an increase in my work and them playing football every weekend got in the way of stuff. I am aiming to turn this round just a bit over the Summer, but at 10 and 13 they aren't very willing. Personally I'm not a massive outdoors type, would hate camping etc where everything is an ordeal. Sounds as if you are doing great. As others have said, go for baby steps and I would add, try not to dwell on what other families post on social media cause you will always come away feeling inadequate.

This is such a lovely positive thread. I totally get how easy it is to get stuck in the 'indoors and tv' rut as I am currently creeping out of it myself. Going outside is a real boost to my mental health and things don't seem so overwhelming. But it's taking the first steps that I struggle with, and really have to push myself out the door sometimes with the kids. I think you are very inspiring.

@TicTac80, my stbxh was a massive impediment too! I love that now I can do what the kids and I fancy without a massive misery guts trailing along and complaining about everything. I can choose to socialise (myself and the kids) with others and it has been so freeing.

I’d suggest going to your local community bike cooperative organisation.

Our local one has refurbished kids bikes from £15 and adults ones from £35/40ish.

Charity shops may be a good starting point for racquets and other outdoorsy stuff if you want to play games.

Enjoy!

It's definitely not too late. It's been incredibly hard during lockdown with us both working, our kids are now addicted to screens. I feel so ashamed about it. Like you I want to turn it around!

My DH comes from a family where watching the telly, talking about the telly, and going to the supermarket are the sum total of their lives. I'm not dissing any of those things but it's hard to introduce more.

Good luck! We can all do it!

I relate to this so much. I was brought up in front of the TV a lot and I worry so much for my own children too.

creating a routine has helped- play at homein morning, help make lunch, eat, outside activity for a few hours, tv time whilst I make dinner, play, bed. And we roughly follow this pattern. Of course extra tv sneaks in here & there but the structure remains largely the same.

We did do a couple of months no TV at all when the kids were very young which helped rest our mind sets. But it was hard!

Start small, else you might crash & burn.

I get the same guilt, I have been very poorly for the past 5 years, and a lone parent, I could cry when I think what we have missed out on, but the future is waiting!

For garden games, at this time of year most of the larger supermarkets (the ones with a home/lifestyle type section) tend to sell basic games.

It is never too late!
Try, try and try again.

Op

I would go so far as to say that if you don’t turn it around - you’re failing your children.

What you’ve described sounds pretty awful if I’m honest. Not too late at all but will need you to be committed.

Following with interest. Thanks for such an honest post @Ihaveanidea5

@Atadaddicted

Op

I would go so far as to say that if you don’t turn it around - you’re failing your children.

What you’ve described sounds pretty awful if I’m honest. Not too late at all but will need you to be committed.

I don't think that's very nice of you. And totally unnecessary

Definitely not too late. Get the kids involved with planning adventures and expeditions. (It can be helpful to use words like that when talking to them, since most children love the idea of having adventures and going on expeditions. That sounds more appealing than a straightforward description, e.g. "bike riding.") Make a list of places to go/things to do this summer. You don't have to be massively ambitious to start with.

I'd also dramatically reduce screen time for the children. That will motivate them to discover other activities to do at home, as well as encourage them to come up with things they would like to do as a family.

Good luck! I think now is a perfect time to make these changes.

You still have time to turn this around. It’s great you recognise that things have to change and you want to do something different. I would start with buying yourselves bikes and getting a bike rack. If you can afford it. Otherwise, picnics in the park, playing rounders, walks that the kids will enjoy and manage to start with. Make it fun, be upbeat. Buy a kite and fly it on a hill, let them all have a turn. You can have lots of fun thinking up ideas.
Limit TV to an hour a day for the kids and meal plan for the week and do one shop for everything. You can do this.

Good waterproofs and comfortable shoes are important for all weather outdoors. We’ve collected a lot of kit over the years. Been out today (rainy) to the lake. We had a little gas 1 ring stove and a cool box (stove uses little gas canisters). We made bacon sandwiches and hot drinks in the rain under an umbrella. Had a walk. Then bought an icecream. Another hot drink. Then home.

I think start small, perhaps try and eat outside in your garden or near a playground. Buy some cheap outside toys, swing ball is fun.
Look out for good deals at the cinema.
Try fruit picking.

As dc get older this stuff gets easier and you don’t have to like everything. We’re an outdoorsy family with tv for downtime (love a good film or series on Netflix). It’s about balance. I hate bike rides but we walk a lot. As for whether you left it too late; just before my 37th birthday I started running 5ks and by age 38 I had run a half marathon in a reasonable time (never going to win but a solid finish). If you’d told me I could do that in January 2019 I would have laughed at you! It’s never too late.