To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

One thing I would like to add is that when it comes to the whole making memories malarky, your children will remember what stands out the most to them and it won't always tally with what you remember or would like them to remember or what you post on insta or FB . As an example , spent a fortune on a lovely cottage in Northumberland for the week. Ask either of my children their stand out moment , it was the discovery of a dead seal on the beach at Holy Island. I had to wrestle the sticks they found off them before they poked it too hard as it was at 'exploding' point of putrid, also had to chase off someones labrador who wanted to roll in and fell over and had to limp back to the car ! Ask them about the glorious beaches and amazing castles , they shrug and mention the seal incident every single time !

As an idea - what about planning walks where you can stop, such as a pub lunch or fish & chips?

I think you sound like a very caring person, and I'm sure you'll be able to start being the change you want to see.

My top tip is to search for the name of your local area in Mumsnet - you're likely to find lots of real life information on places to go and things to do. We usually holiday in different places across the UK and Ireland and I find lots of great ideas for child friendly things to do, which don't cost a fortune this way.

If you're on Facebook there might also be a local parents or mums page with information - people regularly ask for ideas for cheap days out on my neighbourhood one so you might not even need to ask, just do a search and see what comes up.

Ok so I would probably be be a slightly amongst the more negative posters in this thread. But I just want to add a note of support and realism. So... DH and I are massively outdoors and physically active people and to be honest we have more or less trained our dc to be in that space with us. One is much more enthusiastic and a natural nature person; up for long walks in the forest etc. The other is a bit more relaxed about it but actually does get a lot of enjoyment from it. We have gently and encouraged and pusjed the reluctant DC over the years and made an expectation about what we do for family activities. DC may well choose when they are older to live a life in which they do much less than that but that's fair enough it will be their choice. I would advocate the stick and carrot approach lots of rewarding aspects to anything that you do that is potentially different/ challenging (as all of this will be to your DC). We were massive cheerleaders when I had resistance. Another important thing is about modelling. Ee were always clearly very happy and showed our pleasure about being in the great outdoors and naturally curious.
The most positive thing you can do is use the time outside to really connect and interact with your DC. One-on-one time with children is so enormously positive and they will learn to seek this and want this above all else (even passive looking at screens with you sat next to them). All children want positive interactions with their parents where they are attended to and noticed and environment around them is talked about. If you give them this in a contest for doing things outside they will want more of it.

You've been given some great ideas, and as you live near the coast, take them to the beach. It doesn't even have to be a 'play' session, you can walk along beach-combing, or as we often do, take a bag and pick up plastic rubbish, old plastic cigarette lighters seem to float onto our beach, old flipflops, takeaway containers. Then throw it all in the nearest bin.it makes them feel they are doing some good.
They can also pick up shells and driftwood to make collages when they get home!

I've just read and realised a couple of my ideas had already been said so sorry, but I've also thought jigsaws, board games, card games, I've just taught my 4 year old to play solitaire, he loves it, my 3 year old doesn't get it yet though so pairs and snap is good for her, also I know it's a bit early but we make Christmas cards too only immediate family but still it uses a morning and lots of glitter!

OP, you can totally do this! Agree with others saying to aim for gradual change though, rather than trying to change it all overnight.

Maybe initially just try to do one outdoor activity a week or fortnight, and one “cultural” event each month, if you can afford it.

Maybe have one day a week of no TV or no screens?

Once you start it will snowball. Then come back and tell us about it!

You’ve done a great job in identifying that you want some things to change.

There’s some great advice from posters that I’d echo about focusing on small doable changes and working upwards. Having a day/time each week where you all do something outdoors and building up so it becomes the norm. Times also that you spend together planning. non device games indoors too (a day/time when you all play a boardgame or watch a film or tv episode together - I know it’s not ouside but it’s also a part of bonding).

For closer ouside, perhaps find something for the garden that’s fun that you can play outiside that captures their interest (anything from swingball, play archery, ball games or boules- as long as you’re involved too and it can have a ‘family game’ vibe means doesn’t really matter what it is call it family olympics or something daft). All of mine would have much rathered spending every single moment of every day in theor own online/game bubble but once their perusaded outide they do get into it.

For walks etc, the best advice I had was to involve them in the planning - so say ‘we’re going on a walk/ride, etc and it’s your turn to choose where we go. Here’s where we are on a map/google maps where do you think we should head to today?’ or ‘we’re all going out at x time ‘where shall we go? What shall we look for while we’re out?’

Basically anything that gets them involved in the planning so they’re more involved to get involved without whinging!

Playing cards and dominos and pick up sticks are three things we always take away with us on holiday, easy to squeeze in and they are improving their mental maths without even realising it

What I did one summer was get a pack of Post-It notes and write one idea on each, then stick it on the kitchen door - it could be do a jigsaw, catch a bus, go for a walk, play football in the garden, go to the park, learn a card trick, visit the library, have a picnic, etc, as a mixture of small and large things works well.

Each day, one of the children chose one of them to do, and whatever else we did that day, that idea was included somewhere. As we then removed the Post-It from the door, we ended up doing all of them at some point. Some became regular activities, others were one-offs. It worked really well to give use a good variety.

I find that the secret is to 'go' fairly quickly, once you have decided on a trip. If the weather is good and the destination isn't too far away, don't hang around for hours assembling equipment and making perfect picnics - that is when you can lose momentum and people start disagreeing about when/where/what to take. Sometimes we make a few cheese sandwiches, sometimes we just take an apple or two and get something to eat there. You can book entry tickets en-route via your phone.

Another thing - I always keep a stash of cereal bars and crisps hidden somewhere so they’re ready for an impromptu day out. Just make some sandwiches and add fruit.

The only time it is too late to do anything is when you’re dead!

Fantastic you are embracing this opportunity to do something new and accepting change. How inspiring for your children to see that you don’t have to keep treading the same old path and there are new things to be discovered.

YABU to think it's too late and that you have let everyone down.

Don't underestimate the effects of MH difficulties on your 'get up and go' spirit.

Taking older children on outings is massively more fun than dragging younger ones and all their gear out.

Buy those bikes. Buy the bike rack.
Look at what your local theatre scene offers.
Investigate recreation opportunities at the beach.
While you wait for the equipment, drive to the forest and walk on the paths. Take photos and share them with each other afterwards. Buy binoculars for bird watching. Bring a bag for interesting items the kids find as they wander.

Buy a calendar, make plans, and write them into the calendar.
Involve the kids in planning.
But do things spontaneously too.
Keep portable snacks and a little backpack and water bottles to hand, along with some first aid supplies.
Cheese strings, a few bars of chocolate, fruit juice, etc are all great to bring along.

You will enjoy it, and it will gradually become part of your family's life. Once covid dies down a bit, allow the kids to bring a friend along.

Closer to home:
See if you could get a veg garden going in your garden and involve the kids in that too.
Cook together - baking is fun for the whole family once kids get a bit older.
Do you have a BBQ grill? An outside table? It breaks up the monotony of meals if you can cook and eat outside, and you can experiment with different (healthy) meals.
Get a few board games older children like and play together once a week. It may seem very cheesy at first but kids get into the spirit of things if you persevere and especially if you get some games that grab their interest.

I used to be a lot like you OP and spend more time dreaming about the life that I actually wanted rather than getting off my arse and doing something about it.

Now I am older I live by the motto that as long as I am still breathing it is NEVER too late to late to make positive changes and make this life an adventure with me at the steering wheel rather than being a passenger on the back seat which is the best way I can describe how I used to feel.

It’s so great that you want to make changes and the summer holidays is the perfect time to start. I’d begin by packing some sandwiches and exploring a local nature trail, beach or country park. Get the DC to help choose what to put in the packed lunch or help write a food shopping list for next time. Never ever too late to make the changes you want

Good for you! It sounds like a great plan. Xx

I think spin is really important; I always tell my DC we are going ‘for an adventure’ even if it isn’t really very adventurous.

I always try and let DC make some decisions about what we are going to do, and what order we do things in when they get out. Maybe look at TripAdvisor for your local area and see what the top rated things are, then offer the choices to your DC. Following a map of wherever it is seems v popular
To get them involved too.

If you aren’t sure what will interest them, maybe start with whatever they have been learning about at school, so if castles, visit a castle or look for castle things at a museum; if they have been doing plants go for a walk in a wood etc.

Take along treats.

Quit while you are ahead; after a few hours, do head home before you hit exhaustion point. Once grumpiness kicks in everything is much harder.

When we have been on a long day out we usually end up cuddled up on the sofa watching a film together afterwards, which is a really nice cosy way to end the day.

We don’t have much money, we go to places that are free, a few days ago I took the dc out to a meadow looking for butterflies, cost nothing and they had a good time spotting butterflies and finding out the names of them whilst walking quite far. We go to nature reserves, forests, rivers, we take food with us so costs nothing. We go camping but have never been abroad and the kids have never asked too, been to the cinema a couple times, never taken them bowling or ice skating. TV is for evenings only and maybe an hour in the morning if up early.

I think it’s about balance. Maybe make small gradual changes but don’t cut out the things they are used too completely, just limit them.

No way is it too late.

Well done for having a plan and some dreams.

Great that you've recognised things could be better; and good look with your new adventures! Xx

Have spoken with DH, read and reread all your posts, have taken all the advice very much to heart, especially about doing things a bit at a time and not getting discouraged if it doesn't all go to plan. We've also been looking at some of the links posted here and doing some Googling, and writing down lists/ideas of things we'd like to do and what we think the DC would enjoy (we're going to try and get a feel of what they respond to most first)

Still working on a rough plan (I know it's not very spontaneous but I need something to cling on to!) tomorrow we're going to take them to the beach with some empty ice cream tubs to go rock pooling with, we don't have nets but we do have an old sieve which we can bring. DH has found a printable beach comb treasure hunt page that we're going to keep in reserve.

We've also found a scavenger hunt printable which we're going to take to the forest park, and we've discovered that there's a community garden and orchard very close by a family member that we visit-we had no idea. Currently trying to find out if it's open at the minute or if it's always accessible.

There's a few other things we're looking into as well, but I'm conscious of not getting carried away.

I'm not buying any equipment or anything just yet. Some of us do need raincoats though! And one of the DC has previously seemed quite interested in bugs/minibeasts so I may get them a bug hunting kit for their birthday which is soon. That would be a good option for being at home in the garden. So there's at least three things over the next few weeks, four if the garden is open. We may well do more, depending on how it all goes, but I'll be happy if we do those three at least for starters

What a positive start OP!
Would love to hear how you get on at the beach tomorrow. You've inspired me do the same, so we'll be taking a long walk too along the sea front.

No - your timing is great op - they’re at the perfect ages to ‘get it’ and enjoy the experience. Keep going, it’ll be worth it!!

Those things all sound great fun. And really don’t be disheartened if you sometimes have a shit time. Because the times when it’s good are just magical in a way that indoors isn’t. There’s a freedom outside that you can’t replicate inside. I love rockpooling. It’s like looking down into another universe when you look into a pool and see all the creatures.