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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we can totally turn around our family life?

245 replies

Ihaveanidea5 · 18/07/2020 18:14

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 20/07/2020 13:00

Well done, that’s brilliant! Do keep us posted, it is really motivating and encouraging to hear about the changes you are making.

ChicCroissant · 20/07/2020 14:46

Great update OP!

If you use a Tesco clubcard, you can exchange the vouchers for some fun days out as well (obviously check if they are open properly in the current climate!).

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 20/07/2020 15:01

Great start OP.
Something good is to have a challenge to focus yourselves on - then when you are losing inspiration and energy (which happens to everyone) you can at least go out and do something which contributes to your challenge - walking 10 miles a month or something, or walking all the footpaths in your neighbourhood.
I like to get a big paper OS map of my local area, we have it stuck up on the wall then every walk we do we colour it with highlighter pen.

CottonSock · 20/07/2020 15:08

I admire your determination to change things op. I guess I came from a privileged background with lots of adventures and time outside. So it is second nature to me really. It's interesting to hear from another perspective of what normal was growing up.
I would write a long list of ideas you want to try. Ranging from easy to more adventurous. This can help inspire you over summer.

ticktox · 20/07/2020 15:25

Don’t beat yourself up. The fact that you have identified and want to change some difficult habits is a big first step. The kids are still little. Go for it and I hope you have loads of fun. This is the time that the kids will remember xx

Thinkingg · 20/07/2020 18:24

This thread is heartwarming :) Glad you all had fun at the beach OP! Would love to hear how you get on over the coming weeks.

JenandFlo · 20/07/2020 18:41

Of course it’s not too late.

Can you save Tesco clubcard points for bigger days out?

National Trust is fantastic (If you have properties local to you) and we use our membership loads for walks/house visits.

Many museums are free, especially in London (Natural History, Science Museum etc).

Get a cricket or tennis set, or football for the garden.

livefornaps · 20/07/2020 23:57

Your post is one of the nicest things I''ve read on here

OhioOhioOhio · 21/07/2020 00:24

Sounds happy amazing op.

IdblowJonSnow · 21/07/2020 00:42

Not too late, far from it!
Go for it. Get all the family involved in the choices.
Cycling is a great activity too.
If it's any consolation I used to obsess over that stuff and every activity going and my kids used to beg for a day at home! Blush (Not a stealth boast, I promise, they are home bods whereas I get cabin fever).

We've got a better balance these days.

Hope you and your family have a great summer!

caringcarer · 21/07/2020 01:09

It is only too late when they are children no more.

Picnics in the park
Puppet making workshops
Children theatre
Panto
Cinema
Walk in the woods
Riding scooters and bikes
National Trust visits
Summer Fayres
Collecting conkers in Sept
Visiting Santa
Going on Santa steam train
Going to look in shop windows and see Xmas lights
Firework displays
Trips to zoo wildlife park
I've skating
Softplay
Climbing indoor walls
Swimming shoots/flumes
Museum
Galleries
Carnival floats
Family jigsaw puzzle making
Sporting activities
Make a pizza from scratch
Beach cricket
Music lessons
Cooking with kids
Chess club
Kayaking along canal
Make pop corn and watch dvd/Blu-ray together in dark.

So many things cost little or nothing. We do a movie at home evening last weekend of every month and take turns to choose movie and snacks like popcorn or ice cream.

Make lots of wonderful childhood memories you will keep when they have flown the next.

caringcarer · 21/07/2020 01:19

The other day I overheard my 25 year old chatting to his friends. He was describing how we went to a castle and I got him to dress up in costumes and he got a metal helmet stuck on his head. He went on to the day he got dragged up a volcano and underwater in a yellow Submarine and loads of crazy other stuff. His friends said they never got to do stuff like that when they were kids. Son came down later and commentted he had enjoyed his childhood and asked but who's idea to put helmet on him.

MaybeDoctor · 21/07/2020 07:55

@DazzleCamouflage

Just out of interest, I am not trying to derail things, but are they overweight? A lot is said about the disadvantages of being sedentary so I wondered how it played out in this family.

cheeseychovolate · 21/07/2020 08:18

National Trust family membership is £10.50 a month it's well worth the money. We don't go into the houses we play in the fields, go on the play areas and normally take a picnic, we usually buy an ice cream! Might be worth looking into.

DazzleCamouflage · 21/07/2020 08:33

@MaybeDoctor, my friend is a normal BMI (smokes, small appetite), but is easily exhausted, his wife is morbidly obese, one child is very plump, the other a normal BMI.

EvilPea · 21/07/2020 09:03

Of course it’s not too late, to be honest it’s only now the bits they’ll remember, not the early bits!!

Have a look at your local woodland trust and wildlife trust. They will do loads of amazing stuff that’s cheap (in normal times)
Field study centres do cheap holidays and events as well.

Invest in good wellies and puddle jumping suits, and bin bags to keep in the car! Your coming in to the autumn, I always found that the best time to get them out and about. Weather still warm but leaves etc interesting

I get my memberships for birthdays, so national trust (which also gets you into English heritage) and the local zoo for Christmas.

One thing I did think was there’s normally a Visible meteor shower in August, stay up late, camp fire. Which the stars. It’s beautiful.

thebabessavedme · 21/07/2020 09:54

I would say make the most of your garden, you could spend time getting it ready for next spring, make some raised beds for veg seeds etc, my dd has done this, she and her dh collected pallets and used the wood, even made some decking with pallets, they buy plants from outside peoples gates, usually about 50p for a pot of something, they have pumpkins growing right now, dgs helps water them, he spends ages looking for bugs etc, dd found old garden furniture in a skip and painted it, they are not a whizz at gardening but their efforts have made such a difference that they are spurred on to do more - my sil has been very poorly with his MH and this has been so good for him.

chipperfish · 23/07/2020 19:03

Was thinking of this lovely and inspiring thread as I tried to find something to do with two DCs on a random rainy Thursday
Hows it going OP?

Bluepolkadots42 · 23/07/2020 20:19

@Ihaveanidea5 so pleased your first excursion went well- sounds brilliant and exactly the kind of thing they'll remember whenn they're older :) Hoping you all have a brilliant summer!

ThickFast · 25/07/2020 20:02

That’s great! I had a day trip to a forest today. Grumpy kids and drizzle so wasn’t a massive success. But bits of joy in there too. They come alive in a different way outdoors. I’m so pleased you enjoyed it.

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