To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

We do go out a lot and we also love tv days! Don’t be hard on yourself. We do try to do days out with the kids, walks, places of interest, beach, bike rides etc but my 9 year old still wants to be a you tuber so 🤷🏼‍♀️. I realise that most of the things we do are because we (me and OH) want to go as we did it when we were kids.... so its not all about just the kids - its all of us having fun! Just have fun xx

Also yes rockpooling is my fave and i am often aware that i love it more than the rest of my family 🤣

@Ihaveanidea5 if one of your DC is into bugs, see if you can find somewhere with lots of wildflowers (maybe ask on local Facebook or something if you don't know anywhere). It's a good time for them - bees and butterflies all over the place. For next year, you could plant wildflower seeds in your garden (you can buy mix packs). Great for bug watching and good for the environment to encourage insects.

Not too late at all, you can find a better balance and the kids will soon adapt to getting out and about.
There are loads of free things to do - it doesn’t always have to cost money (appreciate will be less stuff at the moment bc Covid obvs) but even a walk in the local park a few times a week would be better than nothing.
You will be doing them such a service by getting them out and about and experiencing life - I hear you re the YouTuber aspirations, honestly it’s depressing! Good luck!

@everythingbackbutyou, you have my sympathies and solidarity: my stbxh didn’t want to bloody do anything (turns out because he was more interested in alcohol and - as I found out later - drugs)... so most of the time we had to creep around him and how the day planned out would be dependent on how he was etc. I didn’t dare plan much in case it couldn’t happen. Bloody nightmare!!

@Ihaveanidea5, have you guys played board games together or things like Uno? That’s popular with my two (and takes us all away from screens). Karaoke/Singstar is another fun thing we do.

Because I work full time, I try to incorporate getting exercise/fresh air in with our day. Luckily I live 1.5 miles from my DD’s school and 5 miles from my work, so we cycle it when the weather is dry. It means that we both get a bit of exercise. Trampoline in the front garden is also v popular :)

Good on you! It doesnt have to be expensive and you can pick up second hand things along the way (we look like we've got a fair bit of gear but it's been a few years of Facebook marketplace). It's making the effort that matters. I sometimes can't be arsed and DH has to prompt me but I always feel better for getting out and about - usually it's me doing the 'let's go....' Enjoy!

I second the “don’t get hung up on perfection” comments. Aldi and Lidl often do some cheap useful stuff like picnic blankets / waterproofs. I have a kit in the boot with a towel, plastic buckets and spades, a bowl for the dog, a pack of baby wipes, a rubbish bag, sun cream and a picnic blanket. For a normal day out I’ll take a quick cheese roll or a sausage roll, crisps, an apple and a bottle of water each. We sometimes add in a bag of chips or an ice cream if we find one but we can all survive on butty and crisps.
Little kids (and even big ones) often get wet and dirty so consider throwing a change of clothes in too.
Don’t stop them climbing on rocks or yelling or running - that’s sort of the point. If they fall and get wet then they change (and you get to use the towel!)
The towel also doubles as a coat or a jumper or a picnic blanket. We once used it as a bandage.

I also have the pot of “peeing and parking” money that gets topped up with change regularly.
We are out every weekend in non-Covid times. I rarely pay more than parking and an ice cream. Rivers and beaches are favourite. Most national trust places have free to enter parkland. Open land and a football is good. The dog likes woods. Tomorrow we’ll do the beach early if it’s nice. Up, grab a coffee and quick breakfast and straight out so we are there by 9. Then we leave at lunchtime when the hordes descend!

We sometimes have shit days where everyone gets cold and wet so don’t let them put you off (our record is 10 minutes on a beach before it was declared way too cold and windy. Was an hours drive home!!)

I think as well you have to create fun but also manageable outdoor activities.

For example our DD is 3, and can handle an hour or maybe 2 maximum at the park but then she's absolutely burnt out. DS, 6, could literally run all day. You have to get a good balance.

Since lockdown, we've been doing :

Get up, breakfast, kids watch TV.
Park visit or a bike ride. Max 2 hours, as per above.
Home for lunch
Chill out /playroom.
Back out around 2.30ish - either garden, swimming pool, local park.
Home, chill, dinner. DD in bed by 7pm, then usually I crack the whip and take DS on a bike ride for an hour, then he's in bed by 8.15pm.

This is obviously different in winter and when we're working.

Kids do sleep well and seem to enjoy indoor and outdoor time.

Surprising hits this summer have been : making potions in the garden (empty bottles, tubs filled with mud, water, grass etc), building a 'cabin' and also insect searching.

Aww I love your post OP.

I’m a bit like you. Grew up in a tv family and can see us going the same way. My OH works on a Saturday as well as M-F so I’ve always had it in my head I can’t go out and spend money on a Saturday because it defeats the purpose of him working that 6th day. I’m also absolutely exhausted from school runs, work and kids evening activities during the week so I love love love just slobbing at the weekend with nowhere to be.

At the start of lockdown my kids and I were out a walk every day but in thr last month we’ve stopped that. I think I’ve just bit a wall with lockdown tbh!

Also : a picnic blanket. The kids love using it

Marking place as I could do with some new ideas and ways to enthuse the DC!

One thing I would add OP is that you may get a lot of resistance to reduced screen time especially from the older ones. Screen are addictive. If you introduce a rule like screens only after x pm and stick to it firmly then hopefully they will quickly get used to it. Of course you need to stick to it too!

It doesn't even have to be outside activities, OP. I come from a family of homebodies but have plenty of lovely memories of playing board games, gardening, cooking from scratch or even picking a film together. I found those things much nicer with family than alone.

Of course, if you want to do outdoors stuff, that's fine too, but maybe don't go at it in full speed. The movies, eating out (even if only a picnic) just to get outside more is a fantastic start.

You haven't left it too late, and you have some brilliant plans already. If you don't have bikes yet, just drive to that forest for a walk. Our DC didn't like 'walks' when they were little but they loved going to 'explore the forest' - building dens and making mud slides and looking for toadstools and butterflies. They'd end up walking few miles if we kept them occupied.

We used to have an outing once every weekend. sometimes just a bike ride in the woods, sometimes a day trip to town to the theatre or a museum. At first I kept museum and gallery visits very very short and gave them cake straight afterwards so they'd associate art with fun. It worked. They now drag me round galleries when I'd rather be watching tv

There are so many lovely things to do. We go into London quite often and visit the weirder museums - like the postal one with the tiny underground mail train or the underground Mithras temple made out of mist and light or climbing Monument, or the candlelit weavers' house in Spitalfields.

These don't all have to cost loads of money either. Some are free or very cheap.

My DH comes from A TV family and mine was always busy, sometimes too much. We don’t live somewhere interesting and can’t afford days out very often. During this lockdown I’ve been forcing them out for a walk at least 4-5 days a week. Some days we do it as a bike ride. During the walk the thing that lights up their face is running through the sprinklers if we’re early enough. It’s a cheap thing to buy for the garden, it was a favourite thing when I was a kid too.

Do you have a tree guy can hang a tree swing on? That’s been popular.

In normal times we buy a yearly zoo pass which is really reasonable, approx £90 for family of 5. That way if we feel like going for a couple of hours here and there we can as we’re not feeling we have to make the most of the ticket price. See if there is something like that in your area. Hill walking, lakes for fishing etc to do with a picnic, and geocaching

You need lots of small plans.

I meant to say, don’t introduce too many things at once as you’ll get overwhelmed.

Ah that sounds a perfect start OP - have a great day!

My tips, take more food than you think you need. My son is the hangriest boy
Keep at it - sometimes we have fantastic day, sometimes they moan all the way round a bike ride... that is pretty common!

OP I haven't read all 6 pages of the thread, so apologies if this is duplicate. But this is full od ideas. And my DC loved doing them even after they turned 11 3/4.

National Trust list of outdoor things to do by the age of 11 3/4

I've got into bikes with my son over lockdown, he's 12.
we live in the South and have been along the coastal cycle tracks in Brighton, Eastbourne and Hastings.
I have loved biking and would never have done it without lockdown, I hadn't been on a bike for years, it has been a lot of fun. We bought them on e-bay so not too much money. I hope the cycling would include you as well, not just the children.
If you have a pre-schooler do they have a scooter? Pre-schoolers really belt along on them, my son used to love his and they fold up really easily fo a car journey.

Get a dog. You’ll be forced out of the house

Don't be hard on yourself it's so easy to get into a rut, we've all done it just maybe in different ways...... my sister was a bit like the situation you've described, they have a static caravan and spend all weekends and holidays there but just tend to sit inside watching tv or outside the van drinking and they've just started the couch to 5k the whole family are involved and they absolutely love it, maybe try something like to get you started?

Some great responses here OP.
If you or DP are public sector workers have a look at CSSC membership www.cssc.co.uk - it's a few quid a month and gives you English Heritage membership and discounts off a lot of other activities. We use it a lot- there's a bunch of other stuff they offer too, like family taster days for different sports (I've not done any of these so no reviews!).

We bought a little book kiddiwalks for our area. Best £8 ever spent! Circular local walks all about 3 miles. Got when mine were toddlers they now 11 and 13 and we are still doing these walks!

You havent left it too late OP.
I resent my parents for being like yours. But, if when I was 10, they started turning off the TV and getting us out and doing things, i would have been delighted.
Maybe at the time I thought everyone sat and watched TV for hours on end every evening and all weekend. Now I realise they were actually doing a lot more - going to clubs to play sports, meeting up with friends, getting out to explore the mountains that we live at the very foot of.
As an adult, it has had a big effect on my life. I have no hobbies, no friends and am so used to being at home that I hate leaving the house.
One time in particular really stands out. It was when I had started secondary school, we were doing basketball in PE and I really liked it. I wanted to join the school team and do after school training and was told no. I have never forgotten this.
With my DC now, I am not making the same mistakes. As much as if puts me out of my comfort zone, I push myself to bring them out as much as possible.
(My post is not intended to make you feel bad, I hope it hasnt come across that way. Just wanted to urge you to keep going to make changes, it isnt too late.)