To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

Lidl and Aldi do fantastic kids' waterproofs and they are incredibly cheap - about £7. Just wait for the autumn and they will come in.

You've inspired me! I could have written your OP the only reason I know about the waterproofs is we're in Germany and they are all like that here.

Oh, and I've just thought of a really simple thing my dad used to do to amuse us. You can do it either in a car or on bikes or on foot.

Set off and when you come to a corner toss a coin. Heads you turn right, tales you turn left. Sometimes you end up miles from home, sometimes you go round and round the housing estate . Sounds unexciting but we'd race to the next corner to see what the coin would tell us to do next.

We used to pack a few sandwiches and drinks and sometimes we'd end up somewhere ideal for a picnic and sometimes we'd be crouching on the pavement or in a supermarket carpark. We loved it though.

Good for you OP. Its never too late to make changes.

We've never been camping but things that DD (3) and we enjoy doing together:

• playing outside. Will bring toys outside into garden and use them with sticks/ stones etc to make it a bit different.
• general garden stuff. We don't have any big garden toys, but have a decent size paddling pool (that I can lay in with a pimms!) and some kids garden tools. We've got DD involved in growing veg etc which she has enjoyed. Also lots of insect spotting and making snail hotels etc. Lots of bbqs too!
• walking / playing in the woods
• going to local playgrounds - love finding different ones that we don't know about!

We don't really do anything big, but just tend to be outside a lot in general as we all feel good for it.

I try and stick to stuff that I quite like too - ie I love walking, but am not a great cyclist!

And when you do want to buy outdoorsy stuff, Decathlon is great.

I’m delighted for you, @Ihaveanidea5 that you’re being so proactive!

If it’s any consolation, we are quite outdoorsy and do all the baking and art work blah blah blah and my youngest still wants to be a Youtuber! 🤣

I think it's wonderful that you are thinking about changing your families life.

I grew up in a family that sounds similar to yours. We never did anything. We sat at home. I think I can recall one trip to go fishing, and one time that we went to Oakwood together. As a result, I have grown up with little "oomf" and also I haven't got a clue how to do a lot of normal things that people take for granted. I can't swim, I don't know how to play basic sports, I felt extremely uncomfortable in cafe's,restaurant's cinema's etc as I didn't really understand how I was meant to act in places outside of my home as we never did anything. Fortunately I have met a man who had the polar opposite upbringing to me and I have learnt a lot from him.

I have 2 girls now, and my instincts are to stay at home and not do anything exciting with our time. Fortunately my partner has a lot more get up and go than me, and we go out and about trying out new, exciting things.

When I look back at my childhood, I really really resent my parents and feel like they probably didn't love or care about me as much as they should have (absolutely not saying this about you & also know it's not true with my parents).

But anyway, I think it's wonderful that you have noticed the issue and that you are trying do something about it and improve everyone's lives. It's so hard to change from all you know, but how great for all of you that you are making changes

You can definitely turn it around! But don't go overboard. Kids need downtime too. DS and I have "lazy days" at home where we get in our favourite food, make pancakes for breakfast, stay in PJs till lunch, cuddle on the sofa watching kids TV, do a bit of colouring in or some baking and lounge in the garden on camping chairs. Those are good days too !

Good for you op, I have struggled in the past too, 4 kids here. Older kids going out with DH every second day hiking, maps and all. They get to choose the route, make their picnic

Anyway re diet I constantly struggle with this and found Anabel karmels hidden veg sauce recipe shove any veg in and I fry with coconut oil and makes it a winner here with wholegrain pasta or chicken, fish, anything really

DH and I come from families like your op so we did struggle a bit with this as well. We actually used something like this for ideas when DS was younger nt.global.ssl.fastly.net/documents/50-things-activity-list.pdf

We had it stuck up in the kitchen and over a few years of weekends and summer holidays we managed to tick off pretty much everything on this list with DS before he was 12. Looking at it now, the list was a bit different when we used it (DS is nearly 16 now) but the idea is the same. Most of the things on the list don't need much, if any money and can be a lot of fun. Some worked better than others of course but they were all worth a go

Good luck, I envy you, you have all this fun to come

I know a list isn't for erveyone but it helped HH and I come up with ideas and also of course the fact that DS was on board with the idea helped too

Another one with dc who've been concerted and museumed and walked through woods and up hills and family bike ride-d and generally all-round enriched to within an inch of their lives and still one of them wants to be a YouTuber and there's far too much screen time going on.

I do think if you don't grow up with that sort of family culture, it can be hard to start doing it because we do tend to replicate what we've grown up with, to quite a degree. It's never too late to start, though!

If you really need waterproofs or: you literally don't have anything to wear out in the rain, not even a supermarket raincoat, then I would go for decathlon to start with. Once you have done any steps and found out what activities you enjoy, then you can start investing in the kit you need for them. It is no use spending loads in hiking stuff only to then find out that your kids like beach activities most.

Just to reassure you that resistance is normal (if futile!), and they will probably enjoy themselves once they're out. DD knows we will go outside every day, come rain or shine, sometimes just to the local park 2 minutes away, sometimes much further. She will still moan about going out, even though she knows she'll be going; once we are out, she often doesn't want to go home.

Never too late, and good that you are wanting to do more, it doesn't even need to all be outdoor/away from home stuff, you could get a swing ball for the garden, basketball nets, learn to bake together, do crafting, or painting rocks and hiding them -theres properly a local fb group you can join for this too, geo caching, fruit picking, the library has the 6 week reading challenges now, cooking courses, beach days, build a summer house or pergola etc, sports clubs, youth club if theres any nearby, upcycling furniture or rubbish, get the music on and all dance, scooter or bike rides, walk round local reservoir or forest with a picnic, local farms, park runs are only £1 ish adults and children you could also do the couch to 5k.
I hate soft play so only ever take mine if its for a party but we do lots of other stuff and did take them to play groups etc when little, we also have 2 dogs so it means we have to go out each day whatever the weather,do you have pets? If not and you might fancy it but not sure you could join borrow my doggy.
I'm sure you and your family will massively benefit from the changes!

Like PP said, you don’t have to go mad buying stuff, but a pair of waterproof trousers are a game-changer, meaning you can sit on anything. Also when the weather’s crap, knowing you’re protected and the kids aren’t going to be crying because they’re uncomfy is a huge boost to getting you out there.
I’ve used Little Trekkers, Amazon and eBay (but longevity on second hand ebay stuff wasn’t great.

Quality wise, Spotty Otter and Polarn o Pyret have been the best but they are pricy so have to get on sale. As you’re just starting out maybe just try Mountain Warehouse for some basics and save for some good stuff when the kids are more into it and the weather turns?
Have fun!

You can totally turn things around, and it sounds as though you will

NT membership is great if you live near some of the big properties, I used mine a lot prior to lockdown as we are very fortunate to live quite close to two brilliant ones.
What I would say after following another family around last time I went, is let them find their own way of enjoying the place, don't try too hard to curate the fun, don't try to make it an educational field trip. Let them take some risks and if they get wet and muddy its not the end of the world, I have driven mine home in their pants with my coat over them more times than I can count !

I haven’t RTFT (will definitely be coming back to it for some ideas) but what an inspiring post OP. Our kids don’t have that much screen time but I feel like they’re expected to entertain themselves far too much and far too often because of the demands of work and housework. Lockdown has definitely made me realise we need to re-adjust the balance to spend more quality and “present” time together as a family because their childhood is just drifting away before my eyes. I’ll definitely be joining you in trying to do this!

This is a bit off topic because you want outdoor activities but I think you write really well, your post was so well put, so informative and so interesting. Good luck with everything.

Never too late and we’ll done you for realising you need to invest in their childhood. So many things are free! Picnics, bike rides, walks on the beach are all amazing and practically free!
Get out there and grab life!
If you carry on as you are you are indeed letting them done badly.. but you CAN repair this. Get going and well done

To ease the DC into it let them do Pokemon Go as you walk.
As you are near the coast go rock pooling. Depending on where you are there's probably a local facebook page that records where dolphins & seals are seen. Go look!
Paddling pools are fun even for big kids if you can get a 5ft one.
Definitely swingball.

You don’t need lots of stuff but the things that are useful are -
Waterproofs and wellies
Backpack - decathlon have some good ones
Water bottles

We always carry plasters, wipes and insect bite cream in the backpack.

Google things to do with kids in your area.

This is a good site too
www.dayoutwiththekids.co.uk/

www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/how-to-go-rockpooling.html

It is not too late, don't beat yourself up about it, lockdown has made a lot of people re think their lives. Museums for starters are usually free so that's good, if you live coastal that's amazing so start with walks..Sometimes it takes an effort to make plans and get out but once you do it it's great.
How old are the kids? Xx

Also agree it’s not too late but maybe start small, if it were me I would set up weekly and monthly goals, like eat healthy dinners 2x week then 3x and so on and same with activities, getting bikes and a rack etc is a big undertaking so starting with just the kids getting bikes, just cycling locally, or starting with kids on scooters and a daily walk or something.

I would also try and set yourself reasonable expectations- I took DD 14 months cross country skiing with a lovely and very level headed friend and her 3yo DD. I had visions of us swooshing off with the kids in the sled doing the usual 10 miles... we made it barely a mile, it was slushing it down, both kids had full on screaming meltdowns... I felt like it was a total failure but my friend was really pleased that we’d even managed to get both kids up to the mountains, into the sled and got a bit of a ski in! It was a building block for a hopefully more successful next trip and we both learned so e things about how yo make it more fun for everyone.

I know what helps in our house re eating and TV etc is just not having it. Our TV is in a little used room all the way downstairs and I just don’t buy biscuits, wine, ice cream etc. so no one eats it.

Totally doable. Start small - buying bikes and lots of kit is expensive and you may feel pressured and overwhelmed by the task. Sometimes we would take a book or small toy to an outside area, forest or park or something, and read/play with it there. Your kids will just love spending time with you. Build up slowly from that. It’s good to enjoy very little things.