To think we can totally turn around our family life?

[Ihaveanidea5]

Has anyone done something like this? Is it too late for us? DC aged between preschool to late primary.

Lockdown has made me realise that I've let a lot of my children's childhood just fritter away.

When we had DC1 we were pretty skint and rarely had the money to do anything or go anywhere. Even when things improved financially we never got into the habit of it, and then my mental health got bad. But it's still our fault and we should have done better

I come from a family who absolutely hated being outside, their favourite thing to do was to watch telly or to talk about telly. I always told myself I'd do better than that, but I can see now I haven't. Lockdown changed nothing for us except DH and I were wfh. But apart from that we just slobbed about the house watching TV. The DC watch far too much TV and are hooked on screens. Their diet isn't great. Apart from the occasional time with school, they have never been to the cinema or the museum or the soft play near us. We just don't do things like that - I always had plans for when we had more money and my MH improved but it never happened.

When lockdown started, there were all these pictures on social media of school mums taking their kids out on family bike rides in the local forest park, and I felt so bad because I've never taken them there either and none of us have bikes. We have a good sized garden but there was little in it too - families were playing badminton in their gardens, why can't we do that with ours? I don't know what I've been doing or thinking all these years, I've really let them down. Their lives are so narrow.

Over the last few weeks, I've been talking about this with DH and we've been trying to make changes. TV off, outside more. The kids have been very resistant but once they're out they've been enjoying themselves more. I've also realised I do actually like being outside, it's refreshing and I've barely had any of the chronic headaches that I get frequently.

I'd love to get bikes, and one of those bike racks you attach to the car, take the kids to the forest park and go for big cycle rides. I want us all to be healthier, more energetic, more excited about life, to do a bigger variety of things and to give the kids more opportunities. I feel like we're a default "no" family, as silly as that sounds - no we won't do that or go there, we'll just stay in. I know I shouldn't compare but I see these other families going for hikes, or camping, or paddle boarding lessons like it's nothing. Obviously if you live miles from the sea it's a bit trickier to do stuff like that, but we actually do live in a coastal area that's popular with people into outdoor pursuits and we're not too far from a city which has an OK cultural scene - I've seen kid's theatre stuff advertised, but for some reason it's never occurred to me to take the kids

Have I left it too late? I know I sound stupid, this has all been on my doorstep, but I think a combination of poor MH, money worries and being raised to think certain things "aren't for the likes of us" has held me and DH back. Now we're inflicting it on our kids. My eldest wants to be a YouTuber ffs.

I'm so worried my kids will look back and all they'll remember about their childhood is trips to the supermarket and watching telly because that's basically all we have done for the last decade. It's awful. I'm so ashamed

Never too late! Don't beat yourself up about the past, lots of these things cost money. I worry I indulge my kids too much as they have been to the theatre, soft play, adventure playgrounds etc. I feel they should be better at quiet weekends in entertaining themselves.

Try each child writing 3 things they would love to try this summer and you too.

I got decent second hand bikes from a local charity shop £2 and £10!

I also second asking for local attraction pass for birthdays. You've not had chance to let your inner child play in your own childhood- go and gave some fun!

Sounds fab OP. Lots of fun times ahead!

I recommend Geocaching as a great way to get your children out and about for virtually nothing.

Also recommend picking up leaves and photos of birds you see on your walks and looking them up when you get back home, this can be an interest which goes on for years and maybe even get them into twitching eventually. I was determined my DC would grow up able to recognise all the common trees and birds and bird calls, a bit nerdy I know :)

For all those of you who do lots with the kids - how much screen time do your kids have? Down time with TV late afternoon?

It's never too late.

With regard to the YouTube comment, I wouldn't worry about that atall. My children and I go out everyday, lots of walks in the woods etc, and they still want to be you tubers when they are older !

I’m not being nasty but I do think the OP needs a response beyond “you’re doing your best”

This situation has been the case for years ie long before lockdown was remotely on the cards.

Poor diet
“Hooked on screens”
Don’t go out beyond school
Never learned to bike ride, been to an attraction, cinema etc

I find that poor. Really poor. And not something that is just “oh we’re all struggling OP”

@stopfundinghate

For all those of you who do lots with the kids - how much screen time do your kids have? Down time with TV late afternoon?

Probably 1-4 hours. generally in the evening while dinner is being made, sometimes a bit first thing in the morning, sometimes a bit around lunchtime. More at the moment than before due WFH with no childcare.

Find it is cyclical though - might have one day where we get out early for a walk, play at home, go out again etc and barely have any screen time. Then the next we're knackered and have more!

Even on a day where we are just all exhausted and want to slob on sofa, we'll usually make sure to at least walk around the block though.

Please don't worry, you can do this.

If it makes you feel any better, I feel like I always did tonnes with my kids and one of them still wants to be a youtuber ...

My DC are older now but I used to do really a lot with them when they were younger, big days out every weekend, and a routine of a big day such as visit a theme park, then a local day out such as meet friends at an adventure playground, swimming, bowling or cinema, then a mostly staying in day, doing cooking, garden, gaming during the school holidays. They used to have quite a lot of screen time too, a good couple of hours a day at least.

@Atadaddicted I think most posters are saying it is great op wants to make a change not that the current set up is ideal.

But the op has recognised the problem and wants help to fix it. The past can't be changed. Supportive suggestions to improve in the future will probably have a better result than berating them for something they have recognised themselves.

It's not too late. I had a childhood like yours and I can still be a little bit "no" about things. DH is the opposite. He loves going on adventures and taking the kids out. As he drags me along in his plans it's a lot easier for me to go outside of my comfort zone. My DC are having a great childhood of woodland bike rides, climbing mountains, lots of time outside. It's a far cry from what I'm used to! I'm even funny about them playing in the garden for fear of disturbing the neighbours... Who all have loud kids and big family BBQs regularly

Without DH I'd be very much in a similar position to you. But you can do it and once you start, it'll become habit. I take them out on my own now and we have our own adventures, during lockdown it's been a godsend. The biggest thing we do is limit their screen time - half an hour of TV in the mornings and an hour of tablet or video games in the afternoons. At the weekend it's a lot less. It's producing DC happy to play with their toys, be outside and play together. We have DC with SN and routine over set times for tech really helps reduce meltdowns too.

Definitely not too late it's the perfect age...

For ideas that are not expensive the National Trust has 50 things to do before you're 11and 3/4.. should be on the website.

I haven't RTFT, I will go back to catch up.

Just wanted to say I agree with @katy1213 re the Yes family turnaround!

Have you seen Yes Man? I think it's a 12 rating, so may be good to all watch together to spur them on. IRC, it's a pretty amusing film.

Don’t feel bad OP. It’s hard work getting out of the house and so easy to get into bad habits when you’re in survival mode.
I wouldn’t bother too much about ‘activities’ to start with. Half the stuff on social media won’t be as fun as it looks and long walks with kids who aren’t used to it will be anything but fun.
The first step is cutting right back on the screens, then just get outdoors. Don’t try go too far. If you can find a likely place, by a river or in the woods, kids will make their own entertainment (though at first they’ll say they’re bored). Try the Facebook group 1000 Hours Outside for inspiration, and just let them play.

When the weather’s not perfect, get out anyway. If you have waterproofs (look after your comfort too- you’ll probably be sitting around a lot) something to eat and you’re not afraid to let them get muddy, you’ll be fine.

So many people seem to think you’ve got to be ‘doing’ something
outdoors, but I would argue that children can’t learn to really love nature unless they’re properly immersed in it in deep play, for long periods of time, not just moving through the landscape.
We expect children to care about Climate Change etc, but so many have no tangible relationship with the living world. It’s like expecting them to care about a Grandparent they never see. It becomes a dull duty rather than something from the heart.

We’re not very well off and so don’t regularly visit paid attractions, but my children really love the outdoors and also have a physical resilience that comes from prioritising outdoor time. It doesn’t cost much but it’s a gift that I hope will stay with them throughout their lives.
All the best OP. I hope you have an amazing time.

Remember you can loads of stuff second hand, bikes etc.

We took up camping as family and normally spend most of her weekends away in our tent. We love it as a family and it is really cheap if you shop around

I wonder if the OP will be back?

I wonder whether a single thing will change l?

Thank you all for the replies, they honestly mean so much. So many things I'd never have heard of or thought of - like the mini stove and the bacon butties!! I definitely need one of those, the DC would really like that

I have been looking for waterproofs etc on ebay, Regatta and Mountain Warehouse are ok aren't they? There's a lot of that. I wish there was some basic Yes Family kit list or something, but I'm sending all your suggestions to DH so we can talk about them later and do a bit of googling.

To the poster who said the current situation is poor and I'm failing them, yes I think unfortunately that is close to the truth. For a while I maybe did have an excuse, but I haven't had any for a few years now, with work and school it was too easy to let life slip by and not take control and change things, that was 100% our fault but I'm determined things will be different

You sound amazing OP. Some folks go through their whole lives and never figure out how much happiness they can find for themselves outdoors and by being active. What a gift you are now giving yourself, your DH and your kids: it's almost a superpower!

Yes definitely even a cheap pair of waterproof trousers will change your life.

I wonder if there is a book of things to do in your locality that are free or cheap. There was one for the area I live in. It recommended places to go, things to see and child friendly places to eat. Admittedly we had a car so could travel around easily, but we found many parks to visit and explore which the children loved. If you take a picnic it can mean a free day.

We bought a family annual ticket to the zoo and would go regularly. Not cheap but maybe family and friends could contribute for a birthday or Christmas present. There were lots of events during the year including a free Easter zoo quiz with an Easter egg at the end of filling in the quiz sheet. ( I won’t tell you how many eggs my children ‘claimed’ each time they went, but it involved lots of swapping clothes.) once they got used to where everything was they treated the place as a huge garden. My single parent friend and I would meet there regularly all year round taking picnics and coffee so it cost us nothing and our children loved it. So much more than just looking at the animals. Lots of other children to meet and play with.

Museums were free and fun. Walks in the woods. Rather like taking a dog for a walk, lots of places to hide and climb.

I know so many activities that my children did were free or cheap, now cost more but have a look at your local library for local events like craft activities. Again, current times are difficult but there are things outside the home that your children will enjoy. Having a friend along will also help. Good luck. You can turn things around.

Please don’t start buying things before you’ve even started.

Baby steps.

Just a regular post Sunday lunch walk perhaps. Start tomorrow. No need to buy anything. Just pull in trainer and explore local woods and parks.

Then.... out in the garden. Begin small, don’t splurge on a load of toys. Perhaps have dinner Outside next week when nice weather forecast.

Then perhaps a NT property a little further afield, a beach.

When the cinemas open.... be first in line to book, do your research now into whether any good local museums do you can visit as soon as able to.

Basically don’t go on a big spending spree to watch it sit in corner gathering dust.

You’re starting from essentially zero. Aim for 1, then 2, and gradually buildup.

I think it's briliant OP that you've recognised what you need to change to give your kids richer experiences.

DH was brought up in a home where the TV was never off and watching it was the only hobby his parents had. He did play outside a lot though (largely to give his mum peace to watch TV I suspect) and iPads etc weren't around when we were young.

Age 12 he went on a school residential trip to the Lake District. Climbing hills was something his parents would never have dreamt of doing with him and he instantly loved it. He's still a keen hill walker and he remembers that trip as a revelation still.

Years later as teachers, we took a bunch of city kids to a Scottish island and it was amazing to see these "cool" 10 and 11 year olds ditch their mobile phones and enjoy tearing round the beach, building sandcastles, rock-pooling and all the rest of it.

So for your kids it is most definitely not too late. Go for it! And come back and tell us about it

You don’t need to spend loads on kit but equally if you let the rain or drizzle stop you then you’ll have even more of a reason not go out.

Never too late OP. I think you sound brave and thoughtful - wanting to change things and broaden all your horizons.

Doesn't even have to be enormous steps.

Climb a hill, fly a kite (pocket kites are good), take a mini picnic - some healthy some treats.

Buy a local map/download one.

Find a river and walk by it.

Learn to ID a few trees and birds for fun. Woodland Trust is good for this. There are often nature reserves tucked away nearby, or a city farm can be good.

Stately homes often have fun days where you can try archery or some such historical fun.

Freagle is good for asking for outside stuff like camping gear or bikes (we had a bike from our local one though paid to fix up at bike shop near us). Bats and balls, skittles, kid bowls.

Look for things to collect - pebbles, pine cones, acorns.

Tons of games you can play on beaches. Its not all insta friendly as people have said, its real. Sometimes cold, damp, boring - but that makes getting inside for a hot choc all the more rewarding - and no matter what you've got your body moving like bodies are meant to.

Good luck OP. You've got this. You and your family deserve it as much as anybody - whole world's out there waiting.

This sounds like a brilliant plan OP - you absolutely haven't left it too late. How about camping? It's really outdoorsy and really makes the break from screens and telly - you don't need to spend a fortune on stuff or you could even try to borrow it to begin with.

Good on you!! You can totally turn this around and it is great that you are putting plans in place with DH. Don’t beat yourself up about the past, look to the future!